Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    Mint Jelly Hott


    I don’t know if Army McShirtless is douche or not, but as to the hottie, I haven’t seen a shoulder that succulent since breakfast.

    My kingdom for a touch of mint jelly and a spruce of garnish. Sure she’s orange like the Prompas. But on her, it looks tasty.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    Reader ‘Baggin’ on Halloween

    The Halloween ‘bag pics submitted by readers are pouring in, and I’m honored that this site inspired so many weekend costumes. Guido The Killer Gimp writes in to let us know he busted the Jerseybag look at his Halloween party on Saturday night:

    —-
    Check it out, DB1. Went as a douche to honor HCwDB. Let me know if you’re going to run the pics-

    – Guido The Killer Gimp
    —-

    I can’t tell if it’s good or scary that some of these costume pics are indistinguishable from true douchebaggery. If I didn’t have other costumed people in the pic, I wouldn’t buy that this is a costume at all.

    But nice job GtkG. Love the D&G belt, the Kissy Lips, the bling and the ultra buff Sean Connery douche-chest. Oh, and I’m now letting you know that I’m going to run the pics.

    Other readers who’ve sent in pics of themselves going as ‘bags for Halloween include C Dog, going for the Jersey Guido look. Blue, who attempted the “Joey Porsche Lips.” Evan, attempting the hallowed “Double Collar Pop.” West Side ‘Bag goes Miami Beach Douche. Tim busts a classic douche costume with Santa Hottie in tow. And A bunch of fans of the site in Jersey went superdouche here and here. And a genius tribute to Orangebags were performed by readers here and here.

    Orange Face. Love it.

    Nice work, people. I’m honored to have helped inspire such costumed douchebaggery. Just be careful you don’t get a taste for the Goose and start running with it.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    Wednesday Limerick

    There’s a stain on my couch the size of France,
    It was made by a rocker douche without pants,
    A tri-hott sandwich he did find,
    While looking for spare change and a curvy behind,
    Too bad his career has no chance.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    Happy Halloween!!


    Remember kids, when you’re out trick or treating, be careful.

    A greased up muscle choad could be doggie ‘baggin’ your hottie.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 31, 2007

    HCwDB of the Week: Batbag

    BLAM!

    KAPOW!!

    BIGDOUCHE!!

    It was a total landslide for creepy douched up Batbag with the saggy nipple, his sidekick Robyn, and Timmy’s Hot Mom who made you brownies when you were nine and let you look down her blouse while serving them.

    Batbag, like The Gator before him, is one of those supreme uberbags who forces a reevaluation of the entire spectrum of douchitude, rendering the level of hott irrelevant. Few douchefaces can achieve such a singularity. Batbag is one. walker, texas douchebag lays down the logic train:

    that collection of cells that is bat bag is the clear winner here. Years of chest-shaving, squeezing his junk into 32 waist white pants, and inhaling Jovan Musk for Men has addled his brain to the point where he thinks it’s cool to have a Batman tattoo AND a matching belt buckle. Not to mention those ridiculous glasses. He deserve the title, as well as being run though a wood-chipper.

    Well said, Walker. deuche agrees:

    Riddle me this and riddle me that….what kind of douche gets a BATMAN TAT? On top of man-boobies, none-the-less. He even has boy wonder-bag as a sidekick.

    “And where…And where…….is the BATBAG?”

    The Batbag is taking a well needed break from fighting crime to scrote on the hotties, that’s where. But the creepy Leprechaun with his Long Island Iced Tea Beauty found fans. ron douchegay sums up the appeal:

    The Leprechaun, since he has the hottest hott, and is most derserving of having a white-hot poker stuck up his ass.

    Well put, Ron. I thought for sure that the resonance between Snake Pisskin and Rachel Hottowitz would resonate further with the voters, but alas, Snake came in a distant third. douche ellington plays the eulogy:

    While I thouroughly enjoy the comedy of errors that is Batbag, nothing says more about what’s wrong with the hottie/douchey commingling than Snake Pisskin. She represents everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman and have yet to find, and he represents everything I hate about the guys she will inevitably go after: the omnipresent smug look, sunglasses indoors, “designer” wife-beater, and “look at me I’m trying to be tough” tattoos.

    I agree, D.E. But this is Batbag’s day. Like the solo douche-fighter that he is, Batbag needs no uber-hott to win a Weekly. He operates on his own, with only Robyn’s dimples to help him along. As tim brewer succinctly sums it up:

    BATBAG!!! omg please.

    “omg please,” indeed, Tim. This is Batbag’s day. Raise his douche-cape to the rafters and punch his Bat Signal a spot in the Monthly. He’s bringing Robyn and MILF cutie along for the ride.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    WFU Halloween HCwDB


    WFU ‘Bags write in with their pu-pu platter of HCwDB inspired douchery at their Halloween party:

    —–
    DB1,

    Here are our attempts at some classic douchebags for the WFU med school Halloween party.

    The Prompa, Joey P Variation #1, and Joey P Variation #2, King D are all featured.

    Our costumes were the talk of the party, and luckily the fake tan washed off easily.

    Enjoy,
    C Douche

    —–

    If there’s one thing I’ve always dreamed of, it was opening up new avenues of costume exploration for Halloween parties. The Prompas and Joey Porsche should be honored. But something tells me, they won’t be.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    Ramon

    PIC DELETED

    And then there’s Ramon.

    Not a halloween ‘bag. Not even a gaybag, as I’ve received three pics of this tool in action with hotties.

    Simply a dimpled cartoon fast food logo head.

    I’d drive up to that head and try to order a double cheeseburger and Mr. Pibb by talking into the mouth speakerbox.

    I’d put a quarter in his ear and see if a pre-printed fortune popped out of his stomach.

    And then I’d McFlurry her whoppers.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    Not a Halloween Pic


    This one’s 100% real.

    Greased cheeks. Ginormous mandana. The bling. The douche face. And the exaggerated, almost cartoonishly enhanced female.

    Yeesh.

    Scary.

    Incidentally, some were confused by yesterday’s comparison of the Nordic Aryan Baby Head in the Sun on The Teletubbies and noted Nazi Commander of the S.S., Heinrich Himmler. To better explain my analogy, I’ve provided visual confirmation of similarities between Himmler and the Teletubbies Sun Baby here.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    More Halloween ‘Bags


    Reader TW submits his attempt at the douche Halloween look:

    —–
    Hi, honorable DB1.

    After many months of studying your website on all things douche, bag, and douchebag, I felt that I had enough knowledge to pull off the task of being the coolest guy at the party. And by coolest guy I mean a complete and total douchebag.

    I know you may not post these pics because I am in costume, but I think I pulled it off amazingly well, and by amazingly well I mean hunch punch vomit on my face.

    Super hard spiked and wet looking hair, mandana, stupid glasses, eyeliner, retarded trimmed beard, popped collar, v-neck undershirt, 2 Jesusbling necklaces, dogtag necklace, sweat arm bands, stupid belt buckle, white belt with stars, hand gestures and douche face.

    The only thing missing is the orange fake tan, but I just didn’t have the dedication to be orange for a week as it wears off.

    Thanks for the great site.
    —–

    Phenomenal work, TW. You are a scholar and a student of all that is scrote.

    But the question we all want to know, did you score with Gladiator Xena?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 30, 2007

    Halloween ‘Bags


    The Halloween pics are pouring in, keep them coming, people. These things absolutely are making my week.

    Here’s one of the first truly genius submissions, from Frat Soda:

    —-
    So here’s my buddies and I with a hotty. We dressed up as douchebags for halloween. Took some serious notes from your website. Our shirts depict DCHE…. it’s the new trend based on FCUK apparel. check it ;)

    Frat Soda

    What can I say, FS? You and your boys are learned students of the Art of the Douche Mock. Great work. Love the orange fake tan.

    But my question is this. Did the Hottie simply go as a Hottie? Which is okay by me. Heck, she could wrap herself in aluminum foil and call herself a “baked potato” and I’d still Trick her Treats.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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