Tuesday, June 30, 2009

    Star Nipple


    Some star nips cannot be unseen.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 30, 2009

    The Tiki Douche


    With clockwork certainty, the Tiki Douche can be summoned when the following factors are present:

    1. A “Bud Light” Totem Pole, mocking all that was once authentically indigenous to Native American culture.

    2. A Brunette Boobie Hottie with winsome face and softy soft boobie boob.

    3. Layoffs at the local Jiffy-Lube

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 30, 2009

    Reader Mail: The Lit Bag

    —-
    Bienvenue DB1,

    Just have a question regarding men who do not display physical characteristics of douchebaggery (barbed wire tats, mandannas, kissylips, etc.), but in similar fashion feel the need to put on a peacock-display through imaginary verbal acumen.

    For example, say an individual at some sort of social function feels the needs to drop “post-modern zeitgeist” or other bullsh*t verbose words in order to insinuate intellectual superiority in their attempts to impress the hot.

    Do these people file under the douchebag category or are the relegated to less harmful categories like pompous, asinine, and ass-clown?

    Sincerely,
    J

    —-

    All those names apply. Or you can just call me DB1.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 30, 2009

    Ted: The Ultimate Douche Champion!!


    It’s not the bling or hat tilt or Affliction shirt.

    It’s that douche-face. That’s what won him the belt and made Ted the Champion.

    The Champion of kitchen poo.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 30, 2009

    ‘Splosionhead the Douchebag Got a Posse


    Looks like Saturday’s Splosionhead brought in a whole posse of douchebags to mack on Kimmy and Kelly over summer vaca.

    There’s enough gel in this group of clowns to freeze a hippo in agar.

    As to the hotts, Kimmy’s body is glorious.

    Feminine, yet strong enough to till the soil during harvest season. I would lick her hoop earrings with the angry butter churning motion of a young Amish goatherder who can’t find wife.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 29, 2009

    Suburban Pimp


    It’s hard out here for a pimp.

    And by out here, I mean suburbia.

    And by pimp, I mean Timmy the Clown.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 29, 2009

    Morris


    Oh Morris.

    Your face is like a three day old loaf of pumpernickle rye after being urinated on by feral wolves and then masticated by a toothless billy goat.

    Your limp, half-hearted sideways gang sign hand gesture just made a member of the Crips in Compton cry for the father he never knew.

    Your kissy lips are a spectral guppy fish sucking the air of future progress out of the ether and converting it to carbon douchoxide.

    Poor Caroline.

    She just wanted a free drink.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 29, 2009

    Abstract Fartistry


    What’s more fun than macking on a Brunette while sitting on a couch painted by Joan Miró?

    Flipping off that bitch who prefers Modigliani.

    Yup. Art jokes. On a Monday no less.

    I blame too much dextrose.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 29, 2009

    Three Votes for #2


    All three of the people in this pic voted for #2, as you can tell.

    Have you voted in the Weekly yet?

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 29, 2009

    HCwDB of the Week

    Ali bomaye!! Ali bomaye!! It’s on.

    Here’s your finalists:

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Bucky Got Mad Game (and Crazy Skillz)

    What always adds a second layer of crapwaddery to an HCwDB pic is confirmation that the coupling is, indeed, real.

    Later that week we learned that not only did Bucky have mad game, but he has crazy skillz.

    And the painful pic #3 confirmed this taintball of poseur lick was actually with tanned Kathy Hott.

    Kathy Hott has a smile that makes avacados shimmy and grapefruits burst forth with citrus seed.

    Bucky needs to be run over by a steam train and then peed on by a titmouse.

    Also note the giant welder’s gloves as Bucky “Runs with the Goose.” A new douche look for 2009? Perhaps.

    And the pants? Hammertime.

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Shmeg Warrior

    This pic has grown on me like a fetid fungus for a number of reasons.

    At first, Shmeg felt like your standard Party Choad. Then I looked closer.

    The smug pout.

    The dipshit hair with frosted tip bonus.

    The hint of Vote for Pedro mustache.

    The prominent neck bling.

    And curling up with him is our Drunk Sorority Hottness, Amanda, with sexy shoulder suckle and dazed “do me” resignation.

    She reminds me that we must also pay tribute to Farrah Fawcett, the originary H.C. of the 1970s. A bit before my time, but I hear that poster brought about many to want to Lee her Majors.

    And if she is Farrah echo, he’s Michael’s chimp, Nubbles.

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Scrotasaurus

    This pic did not get the HCwDB props it deserved when it first appeared last week.

    Note two of the hottest, purest, ivory snow ladies that I would salivate on like a drooling brain-addled oxy contin addicted lobotomy patient enraged after watching six straight hours of Mind of Mencia while strapped to a Clockwork Orange torture chair.

    And do not let the grin forgive the Scrotasaurus his douchitude. For he is the worst of Vegas pustule.

    Clearly this is HCwDB Weekly material. But is this coupling (tripoling?) rank enough to win?

    (Dis)honorable mention to Steven King’s The Tongue and The Tongue Part 2, Luke Wilson’s Tumor, Follywood Squares and Suspenders of Disbelief, each of whom just missed the cut, for varying degress of hottness and douchitude.

    So them’s your three.

    Which rises to the top (bottom) of the scale? That’s up to you.

    Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
    Loading ... Loading ...
    # posted by douchebag1
Older Posts