Friday, November 27, 2009

Friday Thoughts and Links


The “double thumbs up.” And check out the guyliner. I always knew McDonald was a douche.

Here’s your links on Turkey Friday:

Wondering about holiday gifts for the ‘bag who has everything? How about this?

Speaking of holiday gifts on this “Black Friday,” Ed Hardy finally makes an appropriate product. And they’re vegan!

Here’s a pretty funny Howard Zinn / Noam Chomsky-esque revisionist children’s play about Thanksgiving. Great, now I’m depressed.

No, I’m not involved with this show, and wasn’t asked to be. For starters, I’d never call them guidos. They’re “Jerz Guid Pudscrotes.” Everyone knows that.

Someone in Orlando took to Craigslist to question the premises of HCwDB. I have this problem in that the items appearing on Craigslist are neither written by Craig, nor lists.

Speaking of douchebaguettes, Douchebaguettes on Facebook.

A bit too long and more bizarre than funny, but Douchey-Doo!! is a pretty enjoyable cartoon rip on ‘bags.

Okay. Since everyone’s doing silly things like “spending time with family” today rather than mocking the ‘bags, here’s your reward for being here:

Turkey Pear. With extra thigh meat.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
9:11 pm November, 27 Wheezer said...

I want seconds on Turkey Pear! Maybe even an extra helping of breasticles would work as well. She'll then have my stuffing.

9:16 pm November, 27 Ass Pear's Vibrator said...

** zzzzzzzz **

i like thighs and breasts

** zzzzzzzzzz **

9:17 pm November, 27 Justin said...

MMMM…Turkey pear.

I would stuff her cornucopia.

I would mash her potatoes, then drizzle her with my gravy.

9:25 pm November, 27 Justin said...

I would give her sauce from my cranberries, while punching my pilgrim.

9:33 pm November, 27 atomed said...

Is the pink blonde Carmen Luvana?

9:37 pm November, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Are these the new "wives" on "Housewives of Red Bank"?

The little kid playing one of the indians got it right. "We got hosed!"

9:40 pm November, 27 Lil' Douche Coupe said...

Carmen Luvana and brunette Carmen Hart with Ron. Must be at some McDonald's fetish covention….

9:41 pm November, 27 Lil' Douche Coupe said...

God, DB, you really mess with my soul every time you post Jaime Koeppe as the featured ass pear…

10:11 pm November, 27 Wheezer said...

We need "Ronald McDouchenald" to comment on this – I'd have linked his Blogger profile page, but it seems he's using his real name on it now and I don't know if he'd appreciate that.

Ronald in the pic isn't exactly showing what I'd call a "Grimace."

10:25 pm November, 27 Justin said...

Let's send some of those small pox blankets down to the Jersey shore.

10:25 pm November, 27 Wheezer said...

@Lil' Douche Coupe, 1:41 p.m. -

"God, DB, you really mess with my soul every time you post Jaime Koeppe as the featured ass pear…"

This ought to get you all shook up…..

10:26 pm November, 27 Bob said...

DB1, I do love today's Turkey Pear. I like them just a smidge bigger than what most people consider a "perfect ass". Just a smidge, mind, like this one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a painful tent problem to deal with…

10:59 pm November, 27 Taintball said...

Ugh. Pink blonde need to get railed. By my dong.

11:07 pm November, 27 Ronnie Mac said...

@ Wheezer 2:11 pm

I'm the real Ronald McDonald, not the cheap immitation you were refering to.
As you can see, I've put on a few LB's since the early eighties when all you little carpet crawlers were subjecting your digestive systems to the poisonous fare my corporation spews out into the public, disguised as food.
You can also see that I'm still a big hit with the ladies. These mindless skanks, you see pictured, followed me into the public restroom and took turns felating my "Big Mac" while I poured gelatinous vanilla shakes down their tops while I screamed repeatedly, "I'm lovin; it!"

12:14 am November, 28 notadouche said...

ha. douchey-doo. priceless.

i've never wanted to punch a chick but berry smooch is asking for it.

12:45 am November, 28 Anonymous said...

Cynthia, at the bottom, (indicating Ronald's penis size,) was recently released from the asylum, against the wishes of her family.
In a psychotic haze, she wandered the streets of Jacksonville, Fla. muttering incoherently and sometimes camping out across from Tiger Woods' mansion.
It was she, who lured Tiger out of the comfort of his home, an irresistable siren, and caused the golfer to wrap his Cadillac around a fire hydrant.
When Woods' wife, in a fit of rage, charged out of the house with a nine iron, Cindy's maniacal laughter could be heard for miles.

12:59 am November, 28 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

Even Greg Louganis would bite off a piece of that delicious Turkey Pear.

ASvB

1:09 am November, 28 Lil' Douche Coupe said...

Wheezer:

To quote the great Khan Noonian Singh:

"He Tasks Me"

1:26 am November, 28 Spiny Norman said...

Let's start a pool: how long until DB1 gets a letter from McD's corporate to cease and desist the trademark violation.

1:42 am November, 28 creature said...

bottom baguette looks like she's fixin to plumb clown pipe

1:56 am November, 28 scrotum pole said...

I could die a happy man, and leave this world with no regrets, if my head were crushed like an overripe eggplant between the impressive, powerful thighs of turkey pear.

2:00 am November, 28 creature said...

Turkey Pear is two parts, top half cheerleader for Chivas USA, bottom half Oprah

2:05 am November, 28 pv1 said...

I wants me some more of that turkey pear.

2:06 am November, 28 pv1 said...

And I know she's standing like that to make her butt stick out a little more… who cares?

2:19 am November, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

OMIGOD, a puddy version of Ronnie McD.

Only a skank would screw a man in a clownsuit and use handsignals to tell us.

2:22 am November, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Turkey Pear, a variety of delish, meaty fruit, with extremely thick lower parts which induce gobbling among men.

3:46 am November, 28 Anonymous said...

Turkey Pear has 'Cankles'sweet sweet canks.

3:52 am November, 28 Anonymous said...

I didn't know DuckSuck's mother was a redhead.

4:00 am November, 28 Mr. White said...

My favorite bit of unintentional humor on the douchebaguette Facebook page was the standard line: "Not the Berry Smooch you were looking for?"

I think I can safely say that nobody is looking for that Berry Smooch. I'd rather get hit in the mouth with a rock shaped like a strawberry.

4:26 am November, 28 DarkSock said...

Why does Turkey Pear have an enormous erect 4" brass clitoris?

Not complainin', mind you…

6:47 am November, 28 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

As an aussie I don't celebrate thanks giving… but suddenly I have a great urge to baste a turkey…

9:24 am November, 28 Steve L. said...

i totally didn't need to know that the Donk got a sex change.

unless he's now a transgendered sex predator on the loose posing as a door to door insurance salesperson. in which case i guess people HAVE to know such things.

9:28 am November, 28 Steve L. said...

that's not turkey pear. turkey is healthy low fat lean meat. that is probably duck pear. because duck meat has a pretty high fat content compared to most poultry.

9:44 am November, 28 Steve L. said...

when a Jerz Guid Pudscrote tells you "if hating is your occupation, i've probably got a full time job for you", the proper response is to skillfully manipulate him into participating in DB1's show. and then after their stint on DB1's show is over, you burn down their apartment / house.

because, quite frankly, DB1's show doesn't always punish the douchebags enough.

9:45 am November, 28 Steve L. said...

lastly, Ronald McDouchenald should've been here. he was a dedicated bag hunter.

11:27 am November, 28 Anonymous said...

Berry Smooch….really? …. really? it just can't be true… and Chomsky, sigh, I love you even more now db1.

2:30 pm November, 28 DøömFïsst said...

ATTENTION ANON 7:52

I shat a firm 8" stool, which I then placed between 2 layers of cellophane and pressed into a flat pointed blade that now sits in my freezer.

Mütherphükker that's right Ï ÄM GÖING TØ LÜNG STÄB ŸÖÜ WITH DOWNWARD MËTÄL STROKES UNTIL MY TURD BLADE BRĖÁKS OFF AND THAWS INTO YOUR STERNUM. GÅÅURRRRRR!!!!!

May I please have your address?

4:27 pm November, 28 Filthy McBaggin' said...

Berry Smooch. I don't believe this is the first time we've seen Poopa Loompa in Drag?

4:49 pm November, 28 El Caganer said...

I miss Lamp.

4:51 pm November, 28 El Caganer said...

@doomfisst

Impressive stool. I once read about a guy who had to shit so bad he had to stand up to finish it.

5:15 pm November, 28 Wheezer said...

Danny "Doc" Thomas (7:52 p.m.) hopes to be beneath a glass table for DøömFïsst's next surprise.

7:24 pm November, 28 El Caganer said...

I thought Doc was Imagewrangler.

8:03 pm November, 28 Anonymous said...

Now if we can just get Turkey Pear over to Waziristan and have her light a few farts, we could probably just get this War on Terror thing done and over-with.

You wouldn't need a Bunker-Buster or a MOAB when she could just drop the MOAF.

8:56 pm November, 28 scrotum pole said...

@ DOOMFIST

You sir, are perhaps the most polite, well-mannered frozen excrement dagger murderer ever.

I would however, recomend the use of third party excrement, what with DNA and all.

9:53 pm November, 28 Scroteophobic said...

@Doomfist
Just remember the freezer rules – top shelf = cooked foods, middle shelf = raw foods, bottom shelf = excrement. Don't want to give yourself food poisoning.

12:04 am November, 29 Anonymous said...

That Turkey Pear is indeed some very high quality.

2:31 am November, 29 ImageWrangler said...

Guess Lamp was comatose from tryptophan and missed his gay "click's off" shit.

And no, I'm not that Danny "Doc" Thomas, only play him on television.

3:07 am November, 29 LÄMP said...

** clicks on **

Huh? What? Ahh, fuck it…zzzzzzzzzzzz

** clicks off **

5:20 am November, 29 Baron Von Goolo said...

Boys and girls, Turkey Pear is the same hott as last week's Sky Pear.

I'm hoping this is the beginning of a trend.

9:08 pm November, 29 Anonymous said...

@Turkey Pear:
O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee

10:19 pm November, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

I'd say the three chicks in the pic perfectly embody the entire Mcdonald's menu: Meat that's high in fat and has been cultivated by less-than-natural means, artificial colorings, chemical additives, and it all tastes like cheap, greasy fish.

RE Berry Smooch: I have found my arch-nemesis. Look for the comic book series, "Berry Smooch Vs The Gorgon".

Turkey Pear: I'll have the leftovers the next day, yummm.

5:30 am November, 30 Twat-on-a-chain. said...

Has no-one noticed the "sculptured" items listed on the website along with the Ed Hardy style menstrual pads….

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=34621093

3:35 pm November, 30 Bagnonymous said...

Nothing says "classy" like getting on your knees and air-fellating a clown in a hotel lobby.

Props to her dad, wherever he is. And by "props," I mean have another drink to numb the pain, you poor schmuck.

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