Saturday, May 29, 2010
Your Saturday Sharkbag
Just when you thought it was safe to go in the clubs.
We’re gonna need a bigger cattleprod.
That’s not a tatt. I’ll show you a tatt.
Hot Chicks With Douche Bags
PICTURES OF HOT CHICKS WITH TOTAL AND COMPLETE DOUCHEBAGS. WITH COMMENTARY.
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- In memoriam: bcs
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Can we not have any more sharkbag please? One look at his crusty fin was enough.
A most vintage photo, db1. Reminds me of the Mona Lisa, how a still photo can evoke dynamism and life. You literally feel her bleething before your eyes.
Gonna go have a nice chianti now. And fava beans.
Buffalo Beast sits nearly hidden in the semi-darkness, silently calculating his next move.
-
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Perhaps, a propane tank and rifle……………
I will never look at Dr. Suess the same way again. The Tat Skank ruined the essence of the Cat in the Hat. Or maybe she never got past first grade.
Their poses and wannabe penetrating/omniscient/single-minded stares say it all: WE are OBVIOUSLY the hippest of the hip, the knowing of the know… we are those Rock Stars that YOU LOSERS wish you were (but we’re really not rock stars nor have any money because we spend it all on tats and cover-charges at clubs so YOU LOSERS can have the HONOR of seeing us in all of our perfectly inked flesh!)
After the picture was taken, the next day….
He’s back at work at the neighborhood video store for $7.25/hr and she’s paying the rent and fly-car note from the proceeds of “dancing” at the Million Dollar Saloon.
Res Ipsa Loquitur,
As Hunter S. Thompson used to write:
“The thing [picture] speaks for itself.”
Your pal,
Rev. R. Hatch
I bet she has the Lorax tatooed “down there”.
Over/under for handjobs to completion since she got the Cat in the Hat tatt:
.
1
Not sure I’d have such a smug self-satisfied grin on my face if I looked like a complete idiot.
I just looked up the word “simpleton” in the dictionary, and guess whose face was next to it?
Horton hears a Who’bag…
Rev. Hatch, I believe NOFX summed it up best when they said “gee, they’re so much more punk than me.”
@ massengill
f-ing hilarious post!
Aging is the best revenge…When she’s reduced to slinging hash at the local middle school as a 45-year old single grandmother she will rue the day she decided to turn her arm into a fleshy tribute to theodor geisel. Good idea as a 22-year old bleeth, bad idea as a middle aged cafeteria worker.., As snot nosed teenagers snicker at the flabby armed loser she has become she will think back to the day that she was arm candy for a fucking douchebag with a mohawk known as Sharkbag.
Did Bucky bring his crazy skillz to Wal-Mart?
@Doucheywalnuts
Funny shit!
i don’t think she’s hot. i don’t mind bottle blonde, liberal application of make up or even the odd tatt, and while she’s got all three by the shedload it makes no difference because her face looks odd. however i’d relish a chance to confirm my suspicions with an appearance by her to my front door.
She’s making me puke green eggs all over my freshly sliced ham.
He’s beyond shark, he’s centurion.
Let MSU and USC have at ‘im.
The year is 2020. The oil shock of 2015, when petroleum production went into a steep and permanent decline, is now five years in the past. The couple in our picture are now in their mid thirties. William Trevors (aka Sharkbag) spends his days bulldozing suburbs. One house at a time. Without cheap oil and the grid too flaky to charge electric vehicles, the burbs are abandoned and former McMansion owners who were once account executives for anabolic steroid manufacturers are now unemployed and living in the basements of citiy dwellers who had the good sense to invest in housing a long time ago. He lives in just such a basement. By day he bulldozes McMansions, in te evening he waters the garden, does some weeding, and retires to his cot by the geothermal “furnace”.
Across the room is Alexis, she of the Seuss Tattoos. She learned to sew in 2016, and now has a decent trade taking in people’s laundry and repairing basic holes. She has had three abortions, the last one leaving her scared and sterile.
together they in the basment o the house of a couple who work for the government in energy development.
All of their lives suck.
FULLER BRUSH called and wants to hire SHARK for their latest ad campaign.
Here’s the upside-down of it:
Somewhere there is a housewife who would use SHARK to sweep her floors while simultaneously giving him a blow-job.
I don’t care if she’s a bleeth. I’d still navigate her fjords in a kayak fashioned of balsa wood.
The real question is:
.
If you shit in a badger’s mouth in the forest, and Sharkbag isn’t around to snowball with the turdesque woodland creature; does his unjustifiied smarmlippery still constitute self gonad punching?
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.
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Ahha! Trick question! No self respecting badger would ever give Sharkbag the time of day. Stupids.
I have to imagine the planning that went into her tattoo was to walk in and say to the tattoo artist, “Uh, yeah, um, can you, like, give me the stupidest tattoo of all time?”
I’m hung over beyond belief, but somehow, somewere this makes sense. Happy Memorial Day weekend people!
*somewhere.
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.
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F*cking booze. I love/hate you.
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.
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More love.
Meanwhile, Buffalo Beast silently contemplates his lot in life, and wonders if it was possibly a bad idea to get the phone holster. Nonetheless, he’s really looking forward to returning home for the long weekend. Away from the douches and choads. For even subtle mocking needs a breather every now and then.
Was wondering why Shark but now I get it, when he goes swimming that Mo sticks up like a dorsal fin, or is it because his hide is all leathery and raspy? And is that bitch a bleeth or just a Class A Skank?
Someone should offer courses in douchebag ethnology. And the study of douchebags should have its own school in the pantheon of modern cultural anthropology.
Douchebag U. Sign me up. :|
the dr suess books that tell the story of her life from age 12 to the present day
there’s a wocket in my pocket
hop on pop
wet pet dry pet your pet my pet
all aboard the circus mcgurkis
dr suess’ circus mcgurkis squirt
happy birthday baby
circus mcgurkis 1,2,3 at a time.
and to think she hooked on mulberry st.
up up up with the cunt.
i can lick 30 wiggers today, can you?
mc eligot’s poon
happy birthday baby number 2
oh the places you’ll ho.
scrambled eggs cooter(the vd chronicle)
in the people’s whore house.
hooper humperdink? not him! happy birthday baby 3
thidwick the big hawked douche.
The hott is nott. Hot, I mean.
@Troy T,
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Your stories are one of the vital reasons that I come here nearly every day.
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Awesome.
she probably has tickle my Elmo inked above her dried olive slot
ahhh, something white just squirted out of my eyes! i think that picture just gave me chlamydia!
Horton Humps a Ho
HA! The problem with your pinko liberal little “story”, Troy, is that we have enough oil here in the Gulf of Mexico to run this nation for decades.
.
If only BP* could figure out a way to wring it out of the ecosystem, water foul and sea water…
.
.
)B.P. = Belching Petroleum
Yeah I’m pissed but what difference does it make. Now all we need’s another fuccen hurricane to drive the muck inland.
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looks in pants, knocks on wood
I’m thinkin’….after the last hurricane I invested in one of those kinetic flashlights powered simply by shaking it vigorously in a back-and-forth motion….
.
If the regs on this site would simply agree to wear kinetic generator wrist-bands and plug them into the grid, this country would get a massive surge of free energy every Ass Pear Friday.
Hell; there’d be a few constant power surges…
pretty soon they will mate and eat their young,cause their young will try to take their attention away from their tattoos and hair…
Save for the tatts that make her unemployable, and her canoodling with Sharkbag which makes me question her sanity, she probably was quite the hott. Once. *sigh*
Troy @10:31
Amazingly prescient vision of the future. This is how the world ends, not with a bang but a sigh.
or perhaps a high keening “SPREEEET!!!” of flatus. Or shart. Or maybe even a staccato bassoon-like “SPUTT-A-CHUTT-CHUFFFFF-*spretch!*!!!” from where you eat bean laden chili but don’t chew properly.
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I just wanted to inject poots into Troy’s eloquent vision. He always forgets the flatulence. Always.
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( * ) phaffffff!
speet!
Is anyone else troubled by a childhood wrecking vision of that Cat in the Hat tattoo doing a meerkat in a burrow impression as she vigorously fists Sharkbag? I’m trying to fight it but all I can see is a slightly melancholic Cat’s face appearing a disappearing as Sharky grunts and squirms.
im sure someone has said this already. but im in the mood for being as cliche as the douche:
-jaws theme-
tat is all
If Mr. Spock didn’t have those large pointy ears, he would have had this turd-doo Mohawk.
Based on the shadow under the forehead area of the said ‘hawk, I am suspiciously sniffing a hairpiece, instead of the real thing done up with gummy-goo.
…and that is as bad as fake boobs.
Troy and SSS have made my day. It’s official. And I snicker in the basement. Not my mom’s basement, but mine, surrounded by canned goods and dry beans. I’m well-armed and poised to put up the fence and get the two pissed-off dogs. And I laugh, knowing that the Sharkbags of the world will be starving in the alleys, fighting to the death over bread crusts. And when they stumble upon my doorstep, thirsty and ragged, I will release the hounds. Then I will urinate on the remains. And their skanky girlfriends will be nothing but a memory of the world outside, as I drag them to the basement and the patient Mr. White.
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In the meantime, I sit here and snicker about shitting in badgers’ mouths.
Fake-Debbie-Harry (aka Fake-Blondie) has NOTHING on Fake-Jessica-Simpson but Starblaze better watch out for Sharky here, he always brings his A-Game
For the record, Real-Debbie-Harry has it ALL OVER Real-Jessica-Simpson, even at the age of, gee i dunno, i’d say ’bout 60… if i plugged them both and blogged about it, i’d use my REAL name to post about blondie
by A-Game, i mean ass… i mean sharky likes to play games with dudes’ ass
i mean sharky might try to play games with starblazer’s ass