Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dave Templescrote Bothers Lori

Dave almost got away with a nottadouche.

But sometimes the ‘bag signifiers can be as small as twin douchey two-inch racing stripes carved upon one’s temple like a Mayan alter to the ancient god Scrotolaurus.

Mmmm… Lori. Tight red dress and giggle hott tautness. Add in some weird, dated 80s hat that’s reminding me of Laura San Giacomo from Sex, Lies and Videotape, and I would suckle gnaw like feral hamster.

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# posted by douchebag1
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7:09 am October, 26 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I get the Laura San Giacomo thing boss- man she was hot back then. I think the tennis bracelet over the hospital armband look is really gonna jump off this year. He looks like my upstairs neighbor, who we lovingly refer to as “Toolio.”

7:11 am October, 26 Wedgie said...

21 Jump Street flashback. The horror.

7:13 am October, 26 Tom Choad said...

His shirt has the button-up sleeve option, too. Like just rolling them up won’t work. Dumbass.
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I think those lines on his temple may be scars from where his mama clocked him with a spatula. She had to do it twice to get his attention.
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Lori’s filling out that dress nicely.

7:25 am October, 26 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hey, Templescrote, get your hand off her glorious ass.

7:28 am October, 26 fatness said...

Dave’s also got the beginnings of fwippy hair and (at least) a three pound watch. The scarf is troublesome too. Give him time and he’ll turn orange with the rest.
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Lori…ah, Lori. You bank-account-draining vixen,
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And Boss, as a spelling-nazi aside, it’s “altar” unless you are physically changing something. Which might not be a bad idea with this dope.

7:28 am October, 26 Mr. White said...

Why do I suddenly have Shake Your Love stuck in my head?
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Speaking of which, I think I’ll take a print out of this into the men’s room so I can shake my love to Lori.

7:30 am October, 26 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Yeah, Dave’s really not that bad. He can’t help it if his hairstylist is legally blind…and arthritic.
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I’d be happy to touch that up for him with this.

7:39 am October, 26 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Lori is a bit mousy in the facial features, but I do have some fumunda cheese she might enjoy.

7:48 am October, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

I think that hat she is wearing is his, I can just imagine him in the mirror, before heading out, telling himself how “Super Cool” he is. There are only a couple of people in history who can get away with what I call mirror reinforcement the first that comes to mind is Tim Roth in “Reservoir Dogs”. Lori look like all kinds of giggle,naughty, ankles on the shoulders Hott!!!! and kudo’s boss for the Laura San Giacomo reference. She was as sultry as a female can be in that film.

7:50 am October, 26 smackdouche said...

A man-scarf is only acceptable if you are Doctor Who. Lori is a tasty little morsel. DB1: you’ve really been bringing the Hott recently.

7:56 am October, 26 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

“DAVE! Quit hitting on the hostess and go finish bussing table 6!”

8:00 am October, 26 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Yeah, I dig the tight red dress on a giggly, jiggly, “I’m-a-good-girl-but-not-really” blonde. That look works for me, somehow.
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Mr. White had the right idea. Be right back…

8:03 am October, 26 Deltus said...

Lori sorta looks like the one chick from Sex and the City. Like, if her and Laura San Giacomo were to have hot, nasty, dirty sex and have a child… wait… mind’s caught up here…
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What was I saying?

8:07 am October, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She needs an Alabama Hot Pocket. He’s just gay.

8:28 am October, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The racing stripes on the side of his head make him douche faster. Just like the racing stripes one of my idiot neighbors put on his car because “it makes it like an optical illusion of going faster”. That reminds me, I gotta start stocking up on ammo.

8:46 am October, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

That girl is going to have a wicked case of hat hair now. That guy has a wicked case of idiot hair. Put the hat back on sport, at least until your Vanilla Ice Eyebrow-inspired hairdon’t grows out.

10 points for actually paying attention to your hot chick though.

8:47 am October, 26 Captain Garanichode said...

i’m still squeezing Lori’s ass in my man-paw… Looks like Dave was sodomized by the Wolverine and took a good ol’ Donley Punch to the temple…
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Mmmm, Lori’s sweat coated butt..

8:53 am October, 26 Crucial Head said...

Just as the crescendo of Asia’s ‘Heat of the Moment’ found the lovebirds nestling in for their first kiss, Armando felt a strange swelling ‘neath the crotch of Felecia’s red dress against his left leg… and that suited him juuuuust fine.

9:22 am October, 26 UFO Destroyers said...

A technical question for the good Dr. H.: When does a supply become a stockpile?
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It’s a fine line between cautious and paranoid too.
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I’m thinking of pushing both boundaries this weekend. No telling how far the west coast of the Jersey Shore will try to move before the new year.

9:35 am October, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ UFO
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When you have more than I do. Mrs. Doc Bunsen gets pretty nervy when there are more than 3000 rounds of ammo in the house. I’m not gonna tell her about the stash I have hidden…. OH SHIT SHE”S READING THIS. Never mind. I have NO ammo anywhere. Never heard of this “ammo” stuff you’re talking about. OOOOOH, what’s that? Look over there!

10:23 am October, 26 DoucheBigue said...

Not only the race strips, templescrote also seem to have ear bling – which is auto-douche.

10:53 am October, 26 UFO Destroyers said...

@Doc–I guess I’m ok unless you count the garage also. Then all bets are off because that’s where I keep the shovels and lime.

11:05 am October, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

Lori—buy one that fits you. Yeah. You heard Me.
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@ Dr. BHD–a quick question: AR-15 vs AK-47. Your thoughts?
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@ Mr. White–remember when you go in there to Shake Your Love, that Anything Is Possible. Last night, Out Of The Blue, I was working up a Foolish Beat while checking out some amateur porn. Talk about Electric Youth! Anyway, there I was, Losin’ Myself, when the dog busted in the door, she really thinks we should be Staying Together. So while you’re whackin’ it at work, be careful with your co-workers wandering around. You might be telling Lori that you’re Lost In Her Eyes one minute, then you’ll be losing your job the next.

12:39 pm October, 26 Pablo Picasshole said...

Leave these kids alone, I think they’re really in love.

1:46 pm October, 26 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@ Medusa, 11:05:
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Please stop telling Lori to dress revealingly. A part of me truly believes that if I stare at the pic long enough, the seams on that red dress will pop open and it will drop to the floor. And you know full well which part that is.
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Also, stop doing that to Mr. White, and the rest of us. Now I’m having flashbacks to my college roommate and his unnerving obsession with Debbie Gibson, the constant abuse of my stereo by that godawful music, and all the awkward questions the campus police kept asking me after he “disappeared.”

2:02 pm October, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa 11:05
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Totally go with the AK-47 over any AR-15 platform. I’ve yet to see an AR-15 that can be buried in 3 feet of sand and mud that can come up firing and never hiccup. Sure there’s sandy mud flying everywhere but I’m usually worried about those big ass 7.62 mm rounds comin’ my way. The AR-15 platform is almost obsolete anyway. Think more of a Bushmaster (he he, I LOVE that name) ACR or and FNH SCAR-17s (a SCAR “heavy”). Those have a chance at giving an AK-47 a run for its money. Let’s put it this way, why does every third world nation, terrorists, and drug cartel favor AK’s over AR-15′s? Ease of use and they ALWAYS work.

2:58 pm October, 26 Dicy said...

I’m completely in love with Lori. *sigh*’

2:59 pm October, 26 Dicy said...

Why do such pretty people hang with such douchebags!? Whyyyy!?! Lori run away with me, I’ll keep you safe and learn you how to pick a decent guy!

3:22 pm October, 26 Deltus said...

Dicy, you’d keep Lori all to yourself as a sex slave. Don’t false advertise that you’d learn her anything other than how you and she can achieve simultaneous, multiple orgasms.
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On that note, excuse me…

5:32 pm October, 26 Mr. Biggs said...

Yup. Looks like his momma picked out that outfit for him. Hesadouche.

10:13 pm October, 26 Steve L. said...

Lori is indeed a very fitting name for a giggle blonde.
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maybe i’m just biased.
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however, my cocckk is NOT biased.

7:30 am October, 27 Phil said...

she is 20 flavors of yummy. he is navel lint.

10:53 am October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Twin stripes, and a forehead flip: Can’t decide if he’s more into head hair than he is into hairy head.

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