Tuesday, November 30, 2010

    Red Rooster Gets Paid By The Crop Circle

    For Red Rooster, and his sidekick Sal, douchin’ is just puttin’ in the hours, then reapin’ the rewards.

    Like the Blonde, Red Head and Black Haired variety pack of boozy hottness offered up by the Kelly Triplets. Which I would partake and imbibe like a tangy Beaujolais.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 30, 2010

    The Slovakian National Basketball Team Doesn’t Understand Nadja’s Profession

    Ludomir says: “I score big time! Yes?”

    No, Ludomir. You did not.

    And beware the mythical “Blind Scarecrow Pimp.” For it is watching.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 30, 2010

    Tuesday Limerick

    In a small town, a barback named Steve,
    Did develop his “two handed heave.”
    The ladies did party,
    While Steve wore Ed Hardy,
    Until his toup revealed it was a satiny weave.

    Meh. I’m rusty. I need a coffee.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 30, 2010

    Miguel Knows What Time It Is

    Miguel knows that nothing accents the douche-face in a Feng Shui way quite like the Six Pound Watch.

    Sophie had enough awkward years in highschool to be slightly unsure of her own hottness. So I would stare at her pail heaving cleavite slavishly and with subtle carnal repose until she made up an excuse and took the back exit to go call a cab.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 30, 2010

    Football Player Courtland Finnegan Has Douche-Blowout

    For those who didn’t catch Sunday’s football smackdown, there’s one thing we did learn: Courtland Finnegan has a Douche-Hair.

    Yup. It’s the week before the 2010 Douchies. Time to post random shite and get freaky.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 29, 2010

    Old Yellower


    Many Oldbags have appeared on the site, desperately clinging to the signifiers of youth style in a desperate attempt to woo blonde woo hotties like Candace here.

    Very few have perfected the art of tri-vag chin pubes colored by “Just For Men.”

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 29, 2010

    Alex Asswipe’s “Rules of Bottle Service”

    Rule #1: Never remove the shades.

    Rule #2: Nothing brings sexy back quite like “The Lip Bite.”

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 29, 2010

    Corsican “Wham!”


    Please do not wake me up before they Go-Go.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 29, 2010

    The Further Adventures of Harvey Pudwack: The Jeanjacket Collarpop Slosher

    Rare is the Jean Jacket Collar Pop on a doucher these days. But not as rare as stupid skull bling and hair spike.

    Suck it, Harvey. Grammy Hall didn’t leave that trust fund for you to sleep and play xBox all day, then pretend to have a DJ career at night. Get a job.

    Vlena and Olgya, recent emigrees from Bratslava, would prefer if their Vadanyas were not Dased.

    EDIT: Confirmed as yet more adventures of Harvey Pudwack, as Paulina’s boobs are still calling to me.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 29, 2010

    Butterball Says: “Yo Quero Groooo?”


    We’re in the bye week before the 2010 Douchie Awards stirs this place like a Four Loko shooter. So we’re gonna have all sorts of weird stuff, poetry and haikus this week.

    Anything goes.

    Whatever you want to post. Lets get freaky.

    And by freaky, I mean a collective groin scratch, snort and light dusting of Miguela’s thighs, while Butterball gets distracted by a fried taco.

    Also of note, an appearance of Rareass Black Cup. Very rare. I’m talking Billy Ripkin 1989 Fleer Card rare.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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