Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Archie Pointblank

Okay, getting over my Chive rant, lets move on to some serious mock for suburbanite double spiker, Archie Pointblank.

Rare do we find three elements of the stage 4 ‘Bag present at once:

1. Frost tipped ‘mo.

2. Landing strip chinpubes.

3. Double “rocker” armhooks.

Then factor in the stupid shirt and obnoxious wristband, and we’ve tagged an uberbag.

And while the ladies lack the overwhelm of our weekly winner, Arielle, Nichole on the right is definitely flyover state hott.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
11:13 am November, 3 DarkSock said...

Tatt Chick has a chive hanging out of her nostril.

11:16 am November, 3 DarkSock said...

His chin is called Lee Greenwood, because it’s Proud To Be A Merkin.

11:17 am November, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Jeez Boss, The Chive must of really gotten to you cause if I didn’t know any better this looks like Average Mohawk Guy from several of days ago. The soul patch is a little longer but the same glazed stare gives him away.

11:19 am November, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That “girl” on the left gives a new meaning to fuck buddy. She must play LT on the JV team. Kramer, get that Bra a Bro.

11:20 am November, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The liquor store found my wallet. It was in the freezer where I was chugging beer.

11:24 am November, 3 Wheezer said...

Kinda looks like Average Mohawk Guy finished gelling the rest of it.
.
I was referring to his mohawk, but I don’t wanna know his other habits.

11:26 am November, 3 Mr. White said...

I guess we can take some comfort that the girl on the right didn’t bother to bleach and/or wax her mustache before running with the douche. Right?
.
Girl on the right would pound you like she was trying to break something. The act would cause a mixture of terror, arousal, and disgust. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, given the right ratios.

11:27 am November, 3 Mr. White said...

^Girl on the LEFT would pound you….
.
Stupid lack of lateral awareness.

11:31 am November, 3 DarkSock said...

I blame stupid lack of lateral awareness for the election results.
.
In every election.

11:33 am November, 3 DarkSock said...

You fools, the “chick” on the left is Iron Maiden guitarist Dave Murray.
asdfghr

11:42 am November, 3 Deltus said...

Hott on the right is just hott enough that you *know* she would hump you through the mattress AND boxspring. Allow me to elucidate:
.
She’s hott enough to know that she can catch the average guy’s attention, but not hott enough to keep it when some hotter chick walks in the room. It burns her. She wasn’t the hottest girl in school, but she was in the 80th percentile. Still, she hated the hotter girls. So when she got some, she did it with anger in her loins. Subsequently, she learned to do the anger fuck thing well, and learned to like it.
.
So, hott enough to get your attention, and skilled enough to be a stellar lay (unlike many uberhotts, who never have to learn to fuck well). That, in my book, is preferable to the uberhott.

11:51 am November, 3 douche bagel said...

im ok with this picture. in fact i condone it. the chick on the left is so nasty i wouldn’t share hand sanitizer with her. i WANT her to be preoccupied by this douche. hopefully they go home and bump scabs all night and remove themselves from my line of sight.

11:51 am November, 3 Mr. White said...

@darksock
I blame the election results on a lack of awareness, period. Plus the undue influence of lobbyists from the porch beef industry.

12:00 pm November, 3 Mr. White said...

I’m actually feeling kind of charitable today, so hear me out. If you take the chick on the left, get rid of the stupid hat (which appears to read “Pink Stink”), get rid of the shirt that her cat slashed up and that the hockey team then used as a sign-up sheet when they bukake’d her, and get rid of the black olive jammed up her nostril, she’d might be a legitimate chub hott.

12:10 pm November, 3 DouchJ Pauly Douche said...

I was planning on NOT drinking a fifth of Captain tonight to rid the voices in my head….till I saw this. Thing in blue shrunk my thing 2inches………must get to AA meeting

12:18 pm November, 3 jonezy said...

My avatar watches over them in disapproval…
.
but yeah, I’d foos my balls on right Hott’s chin

12:24 pm November, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Deltus, You sir, know a good thing when you see it.

12:32 pm November, 3 DouchJ Pauly Douche said...

This just in…..there is a reason why so many bag’s and bagetts have the same star tat perfectly placed somewhere on their body….When one is diagnosed with herpes….the Dr. puts one under and the branding begins

12:38 pm November, 3 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Where do I start…? Left to Right… Ass Hat, Ass Clown, Piece of Ass. But isn’t devil-head rocker fist pumping all too common a-pageant these days amongst douche(s). One can assume this is a subconscious motive to actually grow devil horns…

12:40 pm November, 3 DarkSock said...

I am DarkSock, and I approve of Deltus’s message.

12:43 pm November, 3 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

SHIT… look, ARCHIE is growing a uni-devil horn right now!

12:45 pm November, 3 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

ooooh, how I love the “anger loin fuck thing”

12:58 pm November, 3 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Great theory, Deltus. Those were the only kind of girls I dated in high school.
.
.
O.K., I’m lying. The 80th percentiles wouldn’t talk to me, much less succumb to my awkward advances enough to go on a date.
.
But I did quite well with the sub-50 percenters.

1:30 pm November, 3 DarkSock said...

sub-50′s cause pelvic fractures.

1:32 pm November, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Deltus 11:42, I applaud thee sir, well said!!!

1:37 pm November, 3 Deltus said...

True dat, DarkSock. Sub-50′s fuck not just with anger, but hatred. If you’re blindfolded, and have especially sturdy loins, and strong control on your gag reflex, you’ll get well and violently laid by a sub-50.
.
70-80th percentile was the highest I could manage, and where I discovered my “reasonably hott = great lay” theory.

2:11 pm November, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I believe he went into his local barber and asked for the “Stackhouse Shocker”. Said barber (and all patrons present) kicked his sorry ass to the curb so he went home, jerked off his dog 400 times (I’m calling the ASPCA in a minute) and then got two-fisted with his bad self. He’s just waitin’ to ditch the beards and meet Stacky at the glory hole.

2:59 pm November, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Deltus–bravo, sir. Tier 2 is always the way to go.

4:03 pm November, 3 Wedgie said...

Hey Deltus:

I just saw your theory on the Chive, but some asshole named “pointerfinger” claimed to be its original author.
You copied him, you rotten bastard. Get your own material.

4:31 pm November, 3 Fatness said...

* sigh *
.
Back where I come from (the southern end of one of those states DB1 keeps flying over) Archie would quickly find himself upside down in the dumpster behind any bar he might wear that ‘hawk into, while the bikers and coal miners laugh their asses off about it…
.
I need to get back there more often.

7:57 pm November, 3 Stephanie said...

I always wonder why people bring cameras into some sports bar,order their greasy shit food,and take photos?

10:44 pm November, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Uh, er, um, those chicks are actually boring, but the douchepud makes up for it, three times over, with a vomit bag in hand.

I heave you now.

5:21 am November, 4 mr.reeve said...

Manly Lesbo, Fauxhawk ‘Bag and Average Bar Fly
Oh the 909/951 really knows how to party.

6:17 am November, 4 London escorts said...

Rights on the right do you have the book as she tried to break something. The action would involve a mixture of fear, excitement, and disgust. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, get the right rate.

6:19 am November, 4 Motorcycle Accessories said...

That "girl" on the left gives a new meaning to the fuck buddy. He needs to play LT is a JV team. Kramer, you get that Bra Bro.

10:39 am November, 4 Deltus said...

@Medusa: being a Tier 2 (on my best day) fella, I can doubly appreciate the reasoning.

8:54 pm November, 4 charlie sheen said...

ahh southern meth heads at there finest, looks like average mohawk guy got out of his compound to do so some recuiting, but sadly the rest of the gang had to stay back and tend to cooking some more meth for the next party

11:40 pm November, 4 Steve L. said...

the two boxing pics at the back really bothers me. it’s like the bar just might be as douchey as Archie himself.

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