Monday, November 8, 2010
The Sharkbag Voted
HCwDB of the Year Candidate and bi-colored hawked party asswipe, The Sharkbag, found another lost midwestern cornfed hottie to join him in voting for the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
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Uh-oh, Stackhouse – Shartbag’s bringin’ some heat! Your crowning isn’t yet the gimme I thought it was back in January, brah.
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And I think he called you a “whobag jumpoff.”
Is it me, or do Shartbag’s fingers read “PEEW”?
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Because that would be way too literal.
These two are gross. I am disgusted. I’m going to go inspect my dog’s balls for fleas and scabs to lighten my mood a little
and for the first time in years, Cameron Diaz looks reasonably attractive. Sort of. mmmm. Not really, but better.
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Except that she’s next to a Sharkbag.
You see filks…..Sharkbag is a rockstar! Sharkbag plays bass….in his basement…..at his aging stripper mothers house….. in Charolette, NC. But folks, when Sharkbag saves all his earnings from the local deli at Save-A-LOT to spend a weekend in Vegas…..Sharkbag becomes a rockstar! Lets let the Shark dream….and score a hot……why not
Cameron Diaz Lookalike Hott is an excellent example of an 80th-percentile, Tier 2 hott that really set my loins afire. And then Sharkbag comes along and totally kills it. He actually figured out how to make his hair look stupider, and that’s no small feat.
The black armband really un-does the stupidity of his arm, no?
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No.
Sad day when Deltus starts to lose his illlustrious 80th percentile girls to Sharkbag. Good thing is she has very good senses of touch and smell when drunk, so when Fishboy bass player take his pants off in the dark dank of his basement she won’t miss the discharge.
And I think I’ll go clean my septic tank for fun.
I think his fingers say VEDE to coinside with “boss” on his hand which would definetly make sense….because Shark is a Rockstar!
Crap, that’s right. He’s the expected winner for Trashcan to the Head Worthy. That is, if you have enough will to live left in his presence to actually throw a trash can. I think if I got within 50 feet of this guy I’d just crawl up into a fetal position and shudder convulsively.
On that note, I could hand out this one too.
Now I gotta re-think my Hornhusker vote. You mean those a-holes are ubiquitous?
I’m in this:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1510990052552
make me feel good about myself please.
AoD
Midwestern Girl was born to play a girl in an 80s hair band video Over the intro, we see her take the bus from Iowa to L.A., disembarking on Hollywood Boulevard all wide-eyed and innocent with bows in her hair and a floral church dress her Grams made for her. Then, in the next sequence, she’s in a club with a miniskirt, fishnets, moussed up hair, and too much eyeshadow to signify she’s “losing her innocence.” For the bridge, she’s doing lines of coke off some other girl’s thighs in the bathroom. Oh no, fall from grace! Then, over the final chords of the song, you see her shooting black tar heroin between her toes under a highway overpass while two hobos take turns urinating on her.
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That was totally a real video, right? Or did that happen in real life, and I was one of the hobos? I’m so confused.
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And aroused.
Easy there, Mr. White. That’s my junior prom date you’re fantasizing about. She actually moved out to L.A. from central Ohio, but the rest is startlingly accurate.
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Sharkbag’s doing it wrong. He’s got the classic pedophile semi-mustache and cheek stubble happening, but he’ll surely scare away any tweens with all that gaudy ink. You have to cultivate a “nice-guy-with-just-a-little-edginess” look like those androgynous Twilight tools if you really want to pull 13-year-olds. If you look like someone who’d trade his girlfriend for another 8-ball, they’ll run and call their parents on their pink Hannah Montana cellphones.
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Hmm, I may have revealed too much.
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Anyway, with that craptastic hair and full-arm tattoos it can’t be more than a few more minutes before blondie smashes that colossal ring through his weaselly nose, right?
@redouche
Wait, your girlfriend was the second hobo? Damn, that girl could sure piss for distance. You could tell she practiced.
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Damn it, now I’m aroused again.
I don’t think she became a hobo.
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Just a ho.
@Deltus….she’s really more Mary Jane Watson-like, wouldn’t you agree?
And if we take White’s fantasy to its obvious conclusion, Bryce Dallas Howard and Elizabeth Banks would play the hobos…
Who wouldn’t pay a dollar to see that?
i Made a fiLm wiTh hoBos in it oNce…………..oh yassssss…..
***sssthupp-thupp-thupp-thupp….***
Is the black armband a signifier that he’s mourning his loss of:
a) intelligence
b) self-respect
c) his last $30 for the possible PTP
or
d) all of the above
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Ponder quietly, spin until you get dizzy enough to puke, and then vote as many times as you can.
Sharkbag, your ying/yang mohawk makes me want to kick you in the nads and face, you know for balance. And I’m assuming the BOSS tattoo on your hand means that’s the one you flog little sharkie with, because it is your dominant hand? So does your other hand say LAME ASS MOHAWK because you use it predominately for styling purposes?
May our cornfed Midwestern hottie end up with an equally corn-fed cut of porch beef.
And may TheSharkbag chrysalis into a Shark hand-held vacuum device and suck himself all over a Mohawk carpet, metamorphing into a Mohawk carpetbag….Carry on.
Cornfed hottie? More like Cornfat hottie. I think she’s playing on the O-line for the Steelers tonight.
I’m no expert on the female anatomy, but that cornfed hottie could handle my cock like Steve Erwin handles a sting ray: Stuck in her abdomen and leaving her gasping for breath in no time!
the only people that the Sharkbag has boss authorities over are little boys.
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little boys with Greek-god-like bodies and masculine features, that is. that Sharkbag could sure pull some little boys.
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thank you Elanor!
I think if I have 50 feet of this guy I'd just crawl up in fetal position and shiver convulsively.