Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Stackhouse Prepares for the 2010 Douchie Awards
One of our early favorite HCwDB of the Year finalists, HCwDB poet laureate and fried poultry lover, Stackhouse, is gettin’ ready for the 2010 Douchie Awards.
If you’re a reg in the comments threads and want to select and write up one of the Douchie Awards this year, head on over to the message board and sign up. Before the whobag jumpoffs do.
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Fuccen tool. Jackass. Knucklehead.
God, I love this guy.
Drunken ramblings are best left unposted on the internet. FSU applications plummet after this is released to the public. Meanwhile, his poor dog has been fucked into submission and is currently passed out, just as Jason will soon be.
I cannot find the words to describe this poor bastard’s utter stupidity…
In a secret location,wherever the fuck this tool lives, Stacky prepares. His buddy, whatever his name was, is working as his Apollo Creed preparing him for the most difficult jump off ever. He remembers his dead coach, Johnny FSU, and begins for December. Thanksgiving is coming and the House is plucking and chasing chickens aroung preparing for the fry off. Hopefully he is writing us a new poem. Stacky, we hardly knew ye.
Apparently, his pappy died while riding a bike. Just a little context for the casual viewer.
Fuccen bitch twat cunt bitch bike riders. Oh and if anyone sees Stackhouse’s thesaurus, please return it ASAP. It’s obvious that the poor boy has lost it.
That was a sublime rant! It was unintentionally hilarious on so many levels, I can’t even find the words to mock it appropriately. I literally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
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I’m probably going to lose my job because of this website, dammit.
Oh yeah– Stack’s parting shot: “So you like riding bikes? Fuck you, go fuck yourself, bitch! There’s no Olympics for that!”
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Awesome!
@wedgie
It’s entirely possible that applications for FSU will actually INCREASE, since this will draw in more douchbags and whobag jump offs. The question becomes, will the increase douchebag enrollment be offset in any significant way by decreased non-douche enrollment? Did FSU ever have a significant non-douche enrollment to begin with?
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Sadly, I don’t think we have to do any complicated statistical reasoning to know the answer to those questions.
@the goob
I’d like to see Lance Armstrong get all hopped up on performance enhancers and kick the shit out of Stacky with his iron-like legs.
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I mean…more hopped up on performance enhancers.
You could floss that lower mandible with a slinky,.. I carved a pumpkin that had better teeth than that.
I also really think the crown of “product” in his hair,looks like a hairclub for men cover up.Meathead.
Speaking of fucking your dog, does anyone have the late Robert Schimmel’s rant on why you shouldn’t fuck your pets? Stackhouse needs a reminder.
@Mr. White:
You may be right, if we were talking about U of Miami there would be no doubt. Not sure about FSU, although I know the drunken poet laureate in this video went there, which means they should probably review their admissions criteria soon. Maybe they use the same method that Florida’s lenders used in making loan decisions over the past decade.
I like riding bikes too, but now I would just feel awkward if I ever rode one again.
Thanks Boss……I think I just lost 20 IQ points watching that gross infestation of a man….nice gnarles teeth shmegma funk
DB1 –
I’d say he’s already fully prepared.
where was the ‘get some’?
Well there you have it. Putting a voice to the photos/poses/image.
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This is what I would expect my pit bull to sound like, and say for that matter, if science could rig up a device to make him speak.
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I gotta say, I am in awe of the audacity it takes to ego trip at this high a level. It’s like a WWE star fucked an NBA player, then washed the sperm through Lisa Lampanelli’s twat after watching GoodFellas at 75% speed while coming down from a 5 day meth bender .
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Stackhouse, meet Elanor, Elanor: Stackhouse.
So……I wonder who’s coming in second for DB o’ the year….
I have a camera that “tapes” 1080 Peed In A Horse.
I bet the chicks are impressed when he brings them home to his Mom’s basement (Ma!! Meatloaf!!). What’s not to be impressed by, what with all the empty Michelob Ultra cans and used needles laying around.
I’ll save Stack the time, since he needs to hit the gym, and say that I am clearly a loser with too much time on my hands. I actually watched 2 other videos that he posted. Wow, talk about a moving, douchebag trifecta. I found myself drawn in and now left with a strange frustration of women riding bicycles. I understand what Camus meant when he wrote, “Every act of rebellion expresses a nostalgia for innocence and an appeal to the essence of being.”
I ponder Elanor’s read-mail from yesterday sharing her analysis of our “masogynistic comments.” I posit that in his video tri-diatribe Stack has actually managed to rupture the masogynistic space-time continuum, which has transported him to an alternate reality where he is actually a noble general in the battle for women’s rights. I shed a tear for his bravery.
… and then shed another for the traumatic childhood that tore from him his innocence too soon.
“Riding fucking bikes?!” LOL
If I couldn’t just laugh at this fucktard, I’d say he moved from douchebaggery straight to assholery with this clip. But, we all know this is how he gears up for nights in the clubs, most likely replaying the clips while he fistpumps the shit out of himself.
Videotapes come in 1080 dpi? Hey Stacky, I have some hi-def VCR’s at my house that I can send you so you can watch all your Blu-ray movies. Cinderella will look SPECTACULAR on your big screen.
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Just when you thought it couldn’t get any funnier, this shit happens. I feel like shit today (fuccen little germ factories around here HAVE to pass on their diseases so everyone can feel like shit) but this made me laugh out loud.
I think the admins here have some spam to remove…..
I would love to write up one of the awards, but I am completely over burdened right now. I just found out I have to write a 300 page book in 6 weeks.
:-/
My time here will be little, but I will come by when I can.
Oh – I just noticed – when the comments are closed, they DISAPPEAR.
That sucks.
Stacky for the yearly. I’m voting now.
The man is passionate about biking and has hardline opinions. Convinced me, I’m selling my bike.
I’ve never been more proud of Florida State.
Stackhouse to the meat-packing house.
Pronto.
I once thought FLYTEETH was the poet for our times, as did Medusa before me. But Stackhouse takes the poop, whereas FLYTEETH just lays eggs on it (you ARE a she-fly, FLYTEETH?)
My guess is that Stack’s dad used to sodomize him with a bike handle bar. With a pink rubber grip and shiny tassels coming out of it. “Raw dog.” Probably a couple of times a day for about 6 years. I don’t understand how he could be so angry about bike-riding otherwise.
@ Wheezer:
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I’ve zapped about 200 of that little fucker’s spam already.
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It appeared first in the Chive=Douchebag thread, then spread like Plinky’s Mom sitting on an ottoman. Coincidence? Or Chive sabotage?
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Boss, is there some magic BANISH button you can kill that url with?
Wow!!!! I’m at a loss for mock as I still try to digest what that was I just saw.
What an asshole.
Someone call the SPCA to get some one over to Stack’s basement to save that dog.
At first I thought he was taking the piss in a macho-wrestler type of way, but nope he aint kidding. So this is what 7years daily abuse of coke, steroids, redbull and bicep curls/ fist pumps do to your brain… plus who the fuck wears sunglasses at night and indoors???
D’ya think Stackhouse would call this guy a pussy to his face for riding a non-professional bicycle?
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Nice neck pimple, snaggletooth.
@Troy
Come on, step your game up. You should have at least 2 extra weeks in there.
I find tequila to be most helpful.
This guy needs a lobotomy. Not for the faint hearted…
http://jasonstackhouse.com/
What a silly little boy; my poor old grandmother swears more creatively.
Someones “bike” isn’t being ridden.
GET SOME.
So, basically what I learned from his video is that he has a jealousy towards girls who ride bikes….oddly enough, he will still likely get laid despite this video.
Dear God some women are stupid….and Stackhouse is a huge idiot.
Why even hold elections this year? Its already over. We have our winner/loser.
btw, I think there’s 2 dogs in that apartment.
I’m not sure which is worse, the fact that he made that cinematic masterpiece or the fact that it didn’t surprise me at all.
^Two dogs and a bitch, right?
Crap! Motley beat me. I was referring to Douchable Helix’s observation.
Im a smellin a ‘Trashcan to the head’ award for good ol’ Stacky here…….the DB of the year award would just be praising this asshole and would make that ugly head of his swell up worse than his last herp outbreak
@daggerbagger
Thanks for that. I owe you an “Affliction” hat.
Sorry, Stack– she wants to ride her bicycle.
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We’ll all be replaced by a machine at some point. You were replaced by a bicycle seat, which clearly does a better job of pleasuring this woman than you could hope to.
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GET SOME! (It felt wrong without that)
Er– “we’lll each be replaced by a machine…”
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Nice grammar, numbnuts.
I crush pussy every day, yo! Especially on the bumpy roads!
Dear God, Stacky has his own site with his own domain. That makes the Baby Jesus weep.
jasonstackhouse.com???
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I checked it out for y’all, so I’ll save you the trouble of actually visiting the site and wasting 10 minutes of your life. First off, it’s Stacky and his double dutch rub partners complaining about the NFL, fat women, and their DUIIs. Typical Floridian redneck fare, complete with bad grammar and self indulgent pity and feigned narcissism.
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Maybe if I was one of his 36 Tweet followers or commenters (most posts have “No comments”), I might spent more time on his sight killing brain cells on his hashed together bitching fest he created for him and his buddies after getting banned from Facebook.
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But most importantly, anyone can start their own WordPress site (present company as an example). But most of them don’t misspell their own name in the header. That’s right, HE MISSPELLED HIS OWN FUCKING NAME IN THE HEADER!!!! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Fuckin’ snaggle-tooth mother fucker
[url=http://maps.google.com/maps?oe=utf-8&client=&q=1462+Valley+Green+Dr.++++Tallahassee,+Florida+32303&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=1462+Valley+Green+Dr,+Tallahassee,+Leon,+Florida+32303&gl=us&ei=7qLZTIafEdH_nQfI0pjnCQ&ved=0CBMQ8gEwAA&ll=30.464276,-84.332085&spn=0.001829,0.004305&t=h&z=19&layer=c&cbll=30.464367,-84.331577&panoid=CfPknZk3SUENkhoVMItSwQ&cbp=12,268.37,,0,13.32]now that’s one ballin’ crib.[/url]
From Whois:
Stackhouse, Jason stackhousethepoet@gmail.com
1462 Valley Green Dr.
Tallahassee, Florida 32303
United States
(610) 809-4377
Stackhouse the poet? Someone’s been reading this site.
Ah fuck. Sorry about the URL. Can we get some preview up in here?
Ha ha ha ha ha! That is the best laugh I’ve had in a while. GET SOME!
DJPD – I second that. This wank doesn’t deserve DB of the year.
I actually had to read his website and I came across the excerpt below. It makes no sense and but what really disturbed me is that he has ad banners on his site. If he’s really making money on this then the apocalypse is closer then we think
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“For example, when you give me weed, it makes me want to Fuck whores, cock-tailing the THC with 50 milligrams of Viagra, raw dog, with a smut, who has a reputation that screams, please GOD double bag it, on Easter Sunday”
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Boss I think you created a monster, first Snooki now Stackhouse.
It’s like if Michael Madsen was ashamed of his penis. And had fucked up teeth.
To Whobag It May Concern,
There are not enough L O and Ls to describe what I did during and after watching this. This fucking guy! I went and erased bike riding from my Interests in my MyFace Profile, why didn’t anyone tell me thats what it meant?!
Seriously Stacky, she left you because you’re you. You’re not angry because she likes bikes, you’re angry because you couldn’t buy her interest in you. Bikes and their seats (For you men out there get the ones that exert less pressure on your balltorial region, I hear it lowers sperm count) have nothing to do with it. How ’bout this, maybe don’t pay for her (the next lucky jumpoff that gets to date you) next time. Or maybe take her biking with you and bust your mad BMX moves to impress her. Hell, bring an entire chicken and have a picnic.
Oh Stacky, I fell as if I’m yelling into an empty tunnel when I’m talking to you. But on the plus side I’m glad I suffered through those years of orthodonture, because you sir, have one hell of a jacked up grill.
Yours In Theory,
Nancy Dreuche
Awesome.
Pure. Awesome.
He’s got his blanky. He’s playing Call of Duty. Strippers won’t answer their phone. This is Stackhouse reporting live.
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Fucking. Genius.
Simply. Fucking. Stunning. What sucks is, this guy is our countryman. No wonder the world hates Americans.
OH man, someone pass the mindbleach, I need to forget I know about Stacky’s webpage.
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Check out this excerpt:
“Just as Brett Farve doesn’t owe any of you pathetic losers, who feel the need to live your mediocre lives vicariously through a super star an explanation for sending cock shots, to a fucking cleat chasing whore.
Neither does Randy Moss for his statements pertaining to his life, and career. ”
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Every place a comma DOES NOT belong, there is a comma. In the one place where a comma is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, there is a period. What an idiot.
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Speed don’t kill and Stack’s the proof.
game…set…match…DB of the millenium.
I think there might actually be an olympic sport for bike riding. Oh look, i found it http://www.london2012.com/games/olympic-sports/cycling-road.php
Holy shit…
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/jason-beinlich/1a/9bb/3ab
“Legislative Assistant”.
http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Job=Senior_Legislative_Assistant/Salary
So this guys making what, like 60k a year before taxes . If hes been doing it for a while.
In Vancouver you could afford to live with your parents on that kinda money. I’m sure in Tallahassee it goes a little farther, but your lower middle class at best.
What a fucking goober this guy is. Maybe see if your company offers some kind of dental plan.
Wow. Just wow… He really does exist… It is like seeing the devil in real life.
I used to point and laugh at this guy and think he was just a “douche”, and almost charming in a ludicrous semi-self aware way. But now after seeing this its alarmingly clear hes a future (or current) rapist/murderer sosiopath and needs serious therapy. This guy isnt funny anymore, hes scary and should have someone monitoring his daily activities
Remind me not to send my kids to Stackhouse’s orthodontist: he missed something…like THE WHOLE FARKING BOTTOM ROW OF TEETH! :)
plain & simple…. dickhead!
I know that I’m in the vast minority here, but for the record I don’t believe that Stackhouse is a douche and he won’t be getting my vote in the Douchies this year. Pure narcissistic asshole, yes, but douche? Methinks not. He’s far more dangerous than that. This place becomes ugly in every possible way whenever Stack emerges like a turd from the brown eye that is society at large. I’m not looking forward to his return.
Stacky is a sociopathic narcissist. His life is an empty void. He is a walking grunting id. I agree with some other posters above – he needs serious help.
Tallahassee’s Tennyson is back, I see. Hopefully, Lord Stackhouse will reveal his mad skillz and show Donny Robinson a thing or two. Or maybe not:
Let’s try that link again .
@Troy
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“He is a walking grunting id.” – That just made my day, thank you.
I have a confession to make…this is actually my monologue I wrote while stuck behind a pack of bikers on my way to class. Don’t worry folks, I’m getting the attention I desperately need.
“Hit some ramps, maybe die, whatever, blah blah blah…”
AMAZING
STACK for yearly. Please post more updates from his blog and youtube, DB1! There is so much gold there including posts written by HURLEY. This Thanksgiving, baste your turkeys the STACKHOUSE way. They will be so good that you’ll be fistpumping them into next thursday.
Yo, troglodyte. How about a little less time crushin’ puss and a little more time with the orthodontist? Your teeth look like Dorothy Gayle’s picket fence.
Hey, Stackbag, I like riding bikes too, between visits to training mixed martial art, so hey, come and pick on my bike, bitch.
What on earth did I just witness? It boggles the mind…
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I’d say Stackhouse already put himself over the finish line with this little ‘presentation’.
I learned from his videos is that she is a jealousy of the girls to ride bikes …. Strangely, he is still likely to get laid, although this video.
This latest Stackhouse tomfoolery is going to lose him the yearly. He wants it too bad. And I think 60K in Tallahassee puts Stacky in the upwardly mobile crowd. And by upwardly mobile, I mean double-wide. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Sweet baby Jesus was born in a manger. Amen.
Stackhouse was funny when we didn’t have to actually hear him speak.
Holy crap, the man has his own blog:
http://jasonstackhouse.com/
GET SOME
I just scanned Cap’n Stackin’s blog there and I did indeed need to get some. Imodium.
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When I think that his atoms could have been used by a spoon or a gopher or anything of use to the universe, it just makes me weep for the children.
so the video gets pulled. justice for all except Stackhouse.
@ YA
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Took my a while to register that there was break in the subtitle of Stacky’s blog: “and of course shitting”
……”on the little guy”
The question is, will add a record douchebag to replace a significant drop in enrollment, as the shower? FSU was very significant as the registration of the first plane
He’s worse than I ever imagined,
He’s a sign of the times,
He is DB of the year.
Did he say he rode bikes Professionally? I cant watch it twice,,,Nancy Drouche, lol, mad BMX moves/picnic.