Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Miguel Knows What Time It Is
Miguel knows that nothing accents the douche-face in a Feng Shui way quite like the Six Pound Watch.
Sophie had enough awkward years in highschool to be slightly unsure of her own hottness. So I would stare at her pail heaving cleavite slavishly and with subtle carnal repose until she made up an excuse and took the back exit to go call a cab.
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pail?
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DB1 thinks her breasts resemble a bucket?
a bucket o’ boobs. Get some.
pail heaving? do they come with hooks?
His watch is so big he walks with a limp.
Maybe he was thinking it was a pail because he wanted to shoot something on it and was hoping it would be contained? You know, for cleanliness’ sake.
In the background Jon Favreau can be seen growing more chins.
On a side note, I’d like to punch that douche-scrunt in the face and send barely-legal looking Sophie to reevaluate her taste in mates.
I’d dork her in her squeekhole. I’d dork him in his squeekhole with her wine glass.
Is that Stephanie Tanner from Full House all grown up? Cause i would do her
His sleeve patch says “Buffalo” something. Does the Beast have a clothing line?
Sophie, you can do much better. Or at least, do me much better.
I’mma let you have “pail,” but a misused “your” is the worst grammar of the year.
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- management
Here’s my new business plan: I’m going to buy cheap Japanese watch movements in bulk, and attach them to discarded manhole covers, giant sprockets, the tops and bottoms of old hot water tanks, and anything else I can find in scrap heaps that is both round and bigger than 6 inches in diameter. I’m going to call them HeMan Watches (or something similar, so I don’t get sued by Mattel) and sell them for for anywhere from $600 to $1500, which will represent completely arbitrary pricing, not any real product differentiation.
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Who wants in? Meet me in the playpen. Make sure you bring an offering for Medusa.
*Hissing* Belgian chocolate or a lukewarm breve is preferred.
I would gawk and pant creepily at those sweater kittens for a police-reportable amount of time. Please excuse me while I venture to do just that.
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Walg…
FlipFridde FTW with “Douche-scrunt”.
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This guy has an amazingly tempting punchface. I’m having a hard time not blindly taking a swing at my monitor out of reflex, like a snake who saw a mouse on the other side of the glass.
Definitely has a Kelly Bundy vibe going on.
There are all kinds of proportional wrongness in this picture. Is she huge or is he tiny? If he is tiny, then why does the glass in his hand look so small? If the glass is small does that mean the watch is huge or just normal?
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My working theory: She is normal, he is tiny, but uses awkward combinations of both small things (potable containers) and large things (clock/watch) causing the viewer to seek refuge in the normalcy of darkness.
Rare appearance by ethnic John Largeman (although he has spiky douche hair and isn’t observing the awful commingling, so it may be insulting to associate J.L. with that).
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I see your Jodie Sweetin and Christina Applegate references and raise you an underdeveloped Scarlett Johansson.
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(I was going to add a Scarlett pic to this post for comparison purposes, but this Google Image Search may take up the rest of my day. And a full box of Kleenex.)
Ooh, RRR, I can see the Scarlett Johansson resemblance. Like, Sophie is Scarlett’s slightly less hott, but still smoking, cousin or something. She hates it when Scarlett comes by for a visit or family gathering, because eyes that are normally fixed on her (yes, even her relations; such is the hottitude of the Johansson family) will be on Scarlett, and she goes from what would normally be considered a Tier 1 hott to being Tier 2 by definition.
Oh, what the hell:
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Sophie – Scarlett
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Hmmm, I think Scarlett wins boobs– er, hands down. Down in my naughty area, that is. Here’s how that might end:
OOOOHHH! Yeahhh…
@RRR: yep, that seals it. I definitely see the family resemblance, and Scarlett definitely would turn Sophie, normally a first-rate hott, into a 2nd-stringer. And might I add: GOT DAYUM Scarlett’s got it going on!!
It’s probably not her, but I see a resemblance to porn actress Sophie Moon/Sophie Sweet.
5’6″ guy with a 6 pound watch. Nice!
@RRR and Deltus, impecable teamwork lads in bringing the Sophie vs. Scarlett: Who is Hotter? to light. That was a great visual illustration of how a Tier 1 can transform into a Tier 2 when a higher Tier 1 is brought into play. RRR, how do you not have your own TV show and or website?
The douche in the pic is definitely Tier 5 lookswise. Put him up side by side with Elephant Man and his numbers might go up though. RRR, you seem to have a lot of time on your hands, would you do the honors?
The wacthes keep getting bigger but they still can’t tell time.
I don’t really think there was ever a debate about who was hotter– I just noted the slight similarity.
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And don’t be impressed with my graphic skills– I put that side-by-side together using plain ol’ MS Paint. Had I any real PhotoShop skills, I would just add John Merrick to the pic with Sophie and give him an even bigger wristwatch for everyone’s amusement. Since I am talent-poor, I can only offer this.
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I see the resemblance to scarlett, but to my eye, she more closely resembles another sophie i’m all too familiar with
@RRR, I was mistaken. Elephant Man is hotter. Thank you for the side by side. I can’t even do a proper back link so anything past adding a URL into text is like magic to me.
@ Mr. White
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I’m totally down with the watch business plan. I have acess to LOTS of old relics where I work that can add that scientific touch to the watches that will make the douches think they’re all smart and shit. I’ll send the slide wire resistors to you next week.
DB1 10:20,
I believe your right.
“heaving cleavite” is such a mesmerizing phrase.
keep heaving that cleavite Sophie. while i froth at the mouth.
Solid gold, DB1. I tell ya, I think what keeps me coming back to this site more than anything, is the gentle reminder that it’s normal to be turned on to the point of mild creepiness.
I can find in the scrap heap who are both round and over 6 inches in diameter. I'll call them Heman Watches (or something similar
oooooh… she lactates Merlot… I’m in for a sip!
Miguel is classic case-study douche. Verily some strong contenders for the weekly this week. I’ll have to invent some good anti-douche specs to deal with them all together.
Hey stop making fun of him,he spent 98 dollars on that ugly watch.