Stackhouse the Poet’s “A Shortage of Snatch? Or Just a New Generation of Jump Off?”
As Stackhouse the Poet gears up for the 2010 Douchie Awards, he wanted to offer a sampling of his latest linguistic opus, entitled: “A Shortage of Snatch? Or Just a New Generation of Jump Off?”
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Ya know, I just wanted to make a public service announcement about the severe drought of sexy, promiscuous, mature (as in, a chick that knows how to hustle some cash, coke, and cock off of any guy) its almost like all the skanks that live in Tallahassee right now that are attractive are like 15 year old teenagers with curfews. If that wasn’t bad enough, the majority of these jump offs are playing imaginary 1990, child leash with each other when the clock strikes 2 am.
I have been banging down booze and bitches in Tallahassee for nearly a decade now, and never have I witnessed such a lack of quality, willing vag. It’s almost like someone sucked the skeet out of the entire city. Whatever the reason Kay be, I hope its not a fundamental reform mechanisim, by the next generation of jump offs.
For example when I was a senior in high school, the freshman girls were getting knocked up, and handing out blow jays in the bathrooms. F#ck I remember coping dome on several occasions in the the locker room before and after diving practice from a 15 year old chick. Good f#cking times back than, and I was positive that the generations below me would continue the trim tossing for years to come.
Either a lot of hoes in Tally are infected with some stds, or they went Dybo, or they are just the genuine article, a new generation of boring, dry, menopause wanna bees. And to think it was only 2 summers ago when some hot smore was partying at West 10, going by the openly dubbed nick name of wet wet. I mean for f#ck sakes I havnt had to dread a debilitating std on a Saturday morning in nearly 7 months.
I’ll def. Keep the world updated on our cities serious drought. These are tough times, and I for one believe in Tallahassee and FSU. Our hoes will be back on the wagon, I have faith in you gals. Get Some
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anyone who actually read the whole fucking thing is a better human being than i.
a hearty “FIRST MUTHAFUCKAS!” on a Saturday noon.
“The voice of his generation”.
You’re losing your mojo, Stacky.
Wait a minute, Tallahassee for 10 years? Does that mean he’s been in college for 10 years? Not that that’s surprising.
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I suppose either that or he grew up there, which means that Atlantic hurricanes need to stop menacing the penis part of Florida and start ravaging the panhandle, stat.
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Also, can anyone translate “imaginary 1990 child leash”? Because that doesn’t sound like a problem. That sounds kind of hot.
He keeps talking about 15 year-olds. I guess the only way Stacky can crush vag is by spiking the punch at the youth outreach center. I foresee a run in with Chris Hansen and the Leon County Sheriff’s Sexual Predator Unit in Mr. Beanlick’s future.
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Get some!……statutory rape convictions on your record.
To quote Hurley:
“Stackhouse has been involved in these adulterous affairs for more years than we care to remember. Vilified in the media and praised by seahorses and the French Canadian fisherman who hunted them to near-extinction, he continues on this course undetered, and unrepentant.
We can only hope his reign of terror is slowed by a change of conscience or his upcoming gall bladder transplant.”
Hands down the biggest douchebag of the year. “I haven’t had to dread a debilitating std on a Saturday morning in nearly 7 months”.
You’ve got me beat, dude. I just look forward to coffee and the paper.
To quote West 10’s Wet-Wet: “You’re a dick dick”.
What’s a smore? I imagine a marshmallowy sticky white girl and filled with hot chocolate and sandwiched by two crackers, or something to that effect.
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Typical interracial porn.
Wow, I am really not funny. In fact I am all that is douche. Cock in butt? Getting Bukkaked? Yes, please
although stackhouse is undoubtebly an uber-douche i just find it rather amusing that someone can be so comically vain that they keep a blog about their everday habits including step by step commentary of every sexual encounter they’ve had.
I mean really was he actually born from a vagina or was he genetically created by some mad movie director who wanted to create a character that could play the ultimate token dickhead, douche in any film, ever.
although on a different note i can relate to stackhouses view of women being no more than desireable objects as they share similar characteristics such as depreciating in value from the very moment they are used.
vag? Stacky’s watched Superbad too many times.
also just to translate stackhouses strange use of metaphors, similies and general douche-speak, according to urbandictonary smore means;
“A term describing a preteen who desires to act/appear older than they actually are. These people are usually regarded as inferior by their peers, unless their peers are also smores.”
Stankhouse’s decent into oldbaggery continues. Would someone please point out to him that he is now “that creepy old thirtysomething guy at the club”, and he can only get those too young to know any better? He used to be fun, but now I just cringe when his next update shows up. The douchie is rapidly slipping out of his hands.
Stackhouse needs to fight Kade for the title of douchebag laureate. Two chodes enter, one chode leaves!
I was also dubbed “Wet-Wet” when I suffered with a bout of incontinence a while back.
Oh yes Stacky, def keep us posted on your cooter well that hath run dry. These damn jump-offs just keep getting smarter. I for one blame, Girl Power and The Spice Girls and that Skeletwhore, Madonna.
And imaginary child leash? Is that that thing parents make their hyperactive kids wear on public outings? Did you have to wear a child leash Hackhouse and is that where all your anger stems from? A lot of kids had to take Ritalin Crackhouse, and plenty of them managed not to turn into hyperactive assholes.
Good luck with your STD search. Pokeher-man!: Gotta catch ‘em all.
I need to see a pic of his mom. Or any female relative. Might could explain his less-than-gracious attitude to the gender. Or he may have been asexually produced. Like yeast.
New from Billy Blanks! Dybo! Its just like Tybo, but a whole lot gayer.
WTF is a Shithouse? Stackoff lay down you died and rigor has taken over.
It appears that Tallahassee Lassies have all gotten word of Stackhouse’s interminable presence and have either fled the area or made a pact to avoid him
I have this weird feeling he stole “Dybo” from FLYTEEHTE.
SLATY FUCCEN SLAPWHOAR FAGGOATH.
Stackhouse will be to the 2010 Douchies what Ben-Hur is to Academy Award history.
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Unless there was a category for ‘Best Venereal Lesion,’ in which case The Stack Attack would pull ahead. I’m pretty sure Charlton Heston only had syphilis.
Stackhouse is the proto-creeper who will be middle aged and still attending college parties trying to have sex with the college sophomores while complaining how the good old days were. Anyone who romanticizes the past with such dysfunctional zeal is probably a person who peaked in high school and is desperately holding onto the past to avoid facing the harsh future where he will be shriveled and more used that he will make Peter O’Toole look young or a seventies gay porn star look healthy.
But I’ll bet Elanor is into his Greek-god-like body and that swole head.
From the Department of Redundancy Dept:
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….15 year old teenagers…
Is there any other kind?
It’s like an 84 year old octogenarian.
I think he maybe a pedo, He mentions underage girls twice in the swill that poured from his mouth.
If it wasnt for curfew he’d be in jail for banging 15 yr olds.
He oughta hook up with bangs bitches and drink but I think even bbad might be a step above this pussy crusher
The four girls in the pic must be from Naples.
Shouldn’t they have a pic of Dicy for this? (Although UGA is pretty fuccen cool…..)
@CURCIAL
FUCCEN “DYBO” IS SLAPPYEAHOAR GIBBBERISH! AND STACKBLOUSE IS A FAGAOTH!!
If Stackhouse wins anything other than “Most Likely To Rape A 14 Year Old” this site is over.
dybo is a dike/lesbo u idiot…..i swear stackhouse must be right about half of yall that post on here. Fucking Losers
okay Rick we get it. you love sucking Stackhouse’s cockk and caressing his Greek-god-like body.
unfortunately not all of us share your views. so go die in a ditch or something.
I think Stacky may be on to something. Get Some.
Way I see it, all the bleeths this guy is used to hooking up with are 15. Look at the guys they hang around with. No sane, mature woman would offer these guys the time of day.
like a fine wine, your douche only improves with age, stacky.
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i am looking forward to reading posts of your cunning linguistic abilities in another 10.
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this man is a serious problem for darwin’s theory of natural selection.
“blow jay”
Isn’t that the state bird of Illinois?
PS: Who uses a euphemism of a euphemism? Have we degraded to Cockney Rhyming Slang?
PPS: Tee hee, I said “cockney”.
Holy shit. Stackhouse is the William Faulkner of douchebags. Only he could reminisce, in such (rap) lyrical fashion, about the idyllic scenes of his youth, crushing underage pussy and copping dome whilst dressed in testicle-choking diving Speedos. But alas, his fondness for the past is cruelly interrupted by the current apathy of the current Dybos in Tally for sex, a reflection of today’s cynical post-Bush attitudes in our youth. He determines to rally the young whores of FSU to his side as Joan(ie) of Arc(adia, CA) once did for the brave soldiers (i.e. jump-offs) under her command. May you Get Some, fine sir. Get Some….debilitating STD’s, that is.
Stackhouse….he wants it all and he wants it now. He desires a chick who is ’sexy, promiscuous, mature and knows how to hustle cash, coke of cock off any guy’. Who the fuck does he think he is? some kind of rockstar? The only place a girl like this exists in Tallahasse is backstage after a ZZ Top show
His work makes me chuckle on this cloudy sunday morning. The musings of a disgruntled lecherous highschool janitor who just cant Get Some with the line ‘Suup Babe’ anymore.
how long is the line of people who want to present teh stackmasta’s Douchie this year? and did i read it wrong or is he complaining there’s no more hot 15 year old girls who want his creepy old hand up their little underage skirt? i’d say i’m proud of you for not having to worry about stds in a few months, bromofizz, but that’s not liek really something to be proud of as much as something that most people just do… those curfews are there to keep guys like you out of prison where you will no doubt end up someday GETTIN’ SOME and worrying about stds so i think you’ll probably dig it, cause that’s how you roll… imagine me throwing you a sideways peace-sign and sayin’ YO PEACE OUT DOG with my hat on sideways and my six pound watch and a skull belt buckle with my girl in a headlock and a big red plastic cup of goose… then just know that that shit will never happen and that if you were about to step out into the street in front of a fast moving bus, i wouldn’t even say hey dumbass look out for that bus…
“…F#ck I remember coping dome on several occasions in the the locker room…”
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So he admits to a fondness for gay porn. That scene is straight out of “Greg Loose-Anus: A-Limp-Dick Gold Metal Dyber – Volume 13″.
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Or so I heard. I mean, I saw the back cover laying in Crucial’s cardboard box o’ VHS porn. Just glanced. Stuck with me I guess; only saw it for a second. In CRUCIAL’s porn stash. Not mine.
Dome copings aren’t easy to detail either; high leak potential, plus the usual workmanship issues of flashing along a radius. Ask Crucial; he’s coped lots of domes.
Stank brings to mind the phrase:
Have you ever noticed that the only common element to all of your unsatisfying relationships is you?
Oh and the underage no-pussy givning jumpoffs in his case.
Stank has peaked and is declining. He needs the douchie this year, because he’s done.
If you, or someone you love, is coping with domes, then for the love of God dont’ click here.
^HTML fail!
don’t click here!
as a syphilitic side effect, Stackies nose will soon fall off
What’s with the new fondness for alliteration Stacky? Starting to sound like a Max Hardcore pre-scene monologue. “Piston-pumping, gear-grinding, fender-flapping action”
You know Stackhouse is the kind of guy to say “Yeah-ah” mid-coitus.
Stackhouse and HJBBAD are the literary voices of a new generation. Sort of like the Beats, just way more douchy. If they ever published Stackhouse’s collected works, there would have to be a Norton critical edition that glosses such terms as “imaginary 1990, child leash.” It would be required reading for Douche Studies programs worldwide.
I, for one, treasure those mornings when I can wake up, see the sun shining through my window, hear the birds chirping, and have “to dread a debilitating std.”
Love all those domes, but where’s the porch beef variation? Ya know, the boob-domes of the domicile?
Wait, is he lamenting that all the 15-year old snatches are, like, traveling together, or something?
Is this some sort of rape non-fantasy? I gotta get up on the lingo.
As for Stack’s school years, again, what’s the statute of limitations on statutory rape in FL? Maybe we can just make it in under the wire…
WTF is “coping dome?” Do you need a coping saw to do it? Honestly, it’s like mopping up word drool with this dickwad.
We need a new site called “Hot Chicks With Pieces of Shit”.
If Stackhouse has published the books collected, there would need to be a Norton critical edition glosses that terms such as "1990 fantasy
Thanks Levi-you took the words out of my mouth.
From web traffic info site Alexa.com
Rank of hotchickswithdouchebags: 90,735
Rank of jasonstackhouse.com: 8,623,423
Stackhouse needs to stop being a hater just because hotchickswithdouchebags is more successful, more popular and obviously more beautiful than his website.
Stackhouse is at that awkard age. Too old for the college girls (or younger) and not old enough to be a gigalo. Just wait another couple years and you will be making it with the post-cougar ladies Stack. Get Some!
Shakespeare is fist-pumping the shit out of his grave. Salty fuccen tears, here. Man, reading Stacky’s “works” is like looking at a beautiful train wreck.
HCwDB’s has once again honored yours truly, and I just had a few things to say, to some of the Fat Fucks who suck the Ignorance Dick on a daily basis. So of course I’m back on hotchickswithdouchebags.com and why not, I’m a great looking dominate alpha male in the American society of young adults. However their are a few things I’d like to comment on in regards to some of the neglected, insecure males, who strive day in and day out, for their fat wives, and retarded kids attention, who like to make comments out of complete ignorance. Number one, yes anyone can have a wordpress website, this is a fact, however u have to pay to have a wordpress when u own ur own domain name. Additionally, ur god father DB1 uses WordPress for his hotchickswithdouchebags website as well. You don’t believe me? After the back slash on his url type in the following: /wp-admin. This will redirect you to his wordpress administrative log in page. Now on to another fat ass who gets sub par pussy, like a retarded kid with a thyroid problem, who collects welfare from the state. You negate my website and encourage people not to go to it, however you include my url in your post. This is what they call in the internet game, free back linking. So your shit talk of keeping people away from my website, just did the exact opposite, and has gained me over a thousand hits this week just from comments like urs. Also, yes its true asshole haters, I own JasonStackhouse.com, HBO has tried and failed to secure my domain name…….sorry, not gonna happen. And lastly to the homo who posted some shit about what looks to be Vin Diesel on a bicycle, yes I would still talk shit to him, even though I was referring to woman who ride bikes. Vin Diesel stands at an impressive 5 ft 6 in. and weighs an uber impressive 169 lbs. I am 6ft 1, and I weigh any where from 230, to 245lbs, so yeah, unless that fagot on the bike in your picture is a hardened criminal from the national football league, I’m pretty sure I won’t have a problem talking shit on the midget bicycle rider. In close, I’m still banging out skanks and who bags, and I appreciate all ur free web traffic. Not to mention I am the most popular entity on HCwDBs every time a post about me is submitted. I essentially ass rape the traffic on DB1s website, and now I am getting free back links…..what else could a degenerate scum bag like my self ask for? Get Some
It isn’t a lack of vjayjay, Stackdouche.
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It’s that your age has caught up to you. And the hotts are trading notes.
Heh heh…. of all the derogatory things said to Stackhouse, the one I posted with a Vin Deisel photo and a simple caption got his goat.
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This is why toddler’s books have pictures, to hold their attention while reading a story. The posts with just those pesky words were too much for him
He knows Vin Diesel’s weight to the exact pound but can only offer a 15-pound range for his own? Sounds like Stack can’t afford a scale and has a questionable obsession with a male action movie star.
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It doesn’t come as any surprise that he talks about ass-rape, homos and sucking dick all the time.
^ Re-Re-Re for the chocolate-covered whipped cream WIN!
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I’d say, what happened to all the women in Tally is this: All the 15-year old whobags he was ‘coping dome’ from are now 35, like Stacky. And they now are parents of the hot 15 year olds he mentions. And they adamantly warned these girls of the dangers and heartbreaks of fooling with douchebags. Stackhouse is this generation’s Bogeyman.
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Funny that he defines ‘mature’ as ” a chick that knows how to hustle some cash, coke, and cock off of any guy”. Chicks that are mature make their own cash, gave up coke ages ago, and know that no woman has to “hustle” cock off of any guy. Jackass.
What’s the over/under on how many sleepless nights Stack’s parents spend each month in Florida drinking martinis made from cheap vodka wondering where they went wrong with this trainwreck? It’s gotta be at least 20, right?
The missive above confirms my theory. I am now convinced that Stackhouse is just an alter-ego of Flyteeth, sort of a sock puppet if you will, spewing another channel of Flyteeth’s semi-intelligible yet strangely compelling gibberish.
Either that, or being a sock-puppet for so many dome-copers in the locker room has somehow scrambled Jason’s brains. Most people don’t keep their brains in their ass, but I think the evidence points that direction in this case.
Hey Jason,
Has it occurred to you that the reason you’re not jumping off as many jumps offs as you once jumped off is that you are getting a little long in the tooth (that means OLD, btw) and have been flitting around the same shitty town, pouring drinks, dropping to your knees to suck hoses, and otherwise capitalizing on your marginal good-looks and remarkably over-inflated sense of self worth for your your entire “adult” life?
Today’s big-shot is tomorrow’s has been, and you, my mildly autistic friend, have been. Being a big fish in a small pond is great, until everyone in the pond begins to recognize you as the sad, lonely sack of alcohol, misogyny and hair gel that you so proudly aim to be.
While this concept (amongst so many others demanding abstract thought) must be difficult for you to grasp, I’ll try to explain it in words you can (possibly) understand:
Your game is tired and all the whobags in your town know you are a clown. Your turkey done been cooked. Deep fried like a motherfucker.
Glory days, well, they’ll pass you by.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’d also like to add that he ends his little diatribe with “Our hoes will be back on the wagon, I have faith in you gals. Get Some.” The phrase ‘on the wagon’ implies abstinence. It stems from days of old, when people quit drinking they ‘got on the water wagon’. If one refers to someone joining up with certain ranks, then they are said to ‘get on the bandwagon’. Either way, Stack, you’re gonna be draggin’ your wagon home alone again tonight on account of your slow wit and aging corpse. Get some! Counseling, that is.
Had to check out his site for laughs. Pretty much the narcissistic nonsense that I expected, but I think the picture of him on his knees with a tube in his mouth explains quite a bit.
Is Stacky promoting his new binge and purge Snookie diet (I weigh any where from 230, to 245lbs)? Hey maybe DB1 can hook a douchebag up. Boss, have your people get in touch with the Snookster so Stacky can have a whobag jumpoff that he deserves.
I think he has a coke problem.
Unreal – Nobody can get my lazy ass out of the woodwork to post like Crackhouse can. DB of the year.
He sucks the Ignorance Dick in the American Society of young adults – on a daily basis.
His grammar is worse than the some of the foreign students in the ESL classes I instruct.
He is the reason terrorists want to blow my city up.
Got some.
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