The Douchebaguette: Sandy from “Inflatable Fred”
Deltus hands out the 2010 Douchie Award for Bleethiest Bleeth (also known as “The Douchebaguette”) to Sandy:
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Sandy has all the adouchrements we despise in douchebaguettes: tan almost to the point of poo, dumb bleached hair, stupid oversize sunglasses that we doubt would even block the sun, terrible boob job, combo navel tatt and piercing, and she polishes the look off with duck lips. She reeks of poo infection as much as he does, and he’s Inflatable Fred fercrissakes.
1st Runner Up: Gary Glittter’s “Glenda Glitter” is so strong with her own douchiness it overpowers Gary. Slicked back hair, aviator shades, patent leather shorts with fishnets, vulgar abs reveal, and a duck lips face that smacks of some kind of unearned entitlement. Don’t be fooled by the awesome looking legs, she’ll infect a regular person at 30 paces.
2nd Runner Up: “Angry Annie” manages to completely out-douche the choadmunch in this pic, and she does it with less discernable adouchrements than the first two, mostly on attitude alone. Double douchesigns flashed, oh-so-classy clutch-on-a-string, and a faux-animal print dress that’s WAY to tight for a woman with that gut compliment the stupid sunglasses. And by compliment, I mean I lost my lunch.
3rd Runner Up: The “Sisters ‘Baguette” are 3 very douchey choices that add up to one big-ass combo of toxicity. Dumb sunglasses, even dumber tatts (especially on Pinky’s shoulder), GSR, and bad boob jobs on at least 2 of them (possibly all three; White’s rack might be real). Singly they wouldn’t make the list, but in this case, the whole is greater than the sum of the poo.
Dishonorable mentions below:
The HTMLers
Sandra the Stage Four Bleeth
Orange Boobs
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Excellent archival work, Deltus, nicely done.
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Deltus, you’ve been blessed with the gift of eloquence. I’m honored to share in The Mock with you, good sir.
Sandra was robbed.
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You know she’s a bleeth.
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And you know you want her.
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Real bad.
Well rounded write up Deltus, and I don’t mean artificially rounded like all of the Bleeths in this category, with the possible exception of Sister’s Baguette 3. What I’m trying to say is boob job, er good job.
Sandy is definitely the bleethiest of them all. I’m sure she looked 10 times better prior to all of her “adjustments”.
I agree with your choice for #1. However, Angry Annie is extremely hot, even if she has Von Goolo induced Captain Bringdown eyes.
Excellent synopsis and presentation, Deltus. It’s is a shame, however, that we must be reminded of these ghastly women, but forewarned is forearmed sayeth Poor Richard (which I always took to be Ben Franklin’s nickname for his penis).
I see your choice and I raise you The King of Sears’ Hello Kitty chick. (I can’t remember who dubbed him the King of Sears?)
This category is an almost impossible task given the multitude of skanks you had to go through…Nice job, good write-up.
gonna have to say Starry Blight shoulda won or runner up #3. The wineer shoulda been runner up #3.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/07/starry-blight/
I almost think the worst thing about Sandy are those grotesque, veiny demon-hands, which you just know she reaches down into the back of her throat after every meal. Ugh!
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Nasty Bleeths, all– thanks for bringing these memories back to the fore of our consciousness, Deltus. I know you are doing yeoman’s work in the great fight against bagness and bleethity, but I still have a tough time forgiving you for linking those pics, knowing the amount of alcohol it’s going to take to erase them from my brain.
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Still, it’s a finely crafted, detailed writeup. Well done.
As with many of these awards, I think it is important to be reminded of past recipients
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just don’t click the links unless you have a fetish for 404 errors
@Army of D….
That’s who’s I’s be talkin bout, I called her the Hello Kitty chick, whatever, same thang.
Hott and skanky that’s how I like em, but I digress, it’s 5:00 here and it’s time for beers.
Careful of Joneszy’s links, I’ve clicked on them before and then spent thousands of dollars and hours at my therapist trying to erase what I saw from my feeble mind.
Interesting observation re. Sandy’s hands, RRR. They look like she’s been polishing the Ark Of The Covenant.
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Deltus, I do think you wrangled a fine herd of skank in your assessment but I must agree with Army and Eliza in regards to Hello Kitty chick. Sandy may be a bleeth, but Hello Kitty chick is a theme bleeth, which makes her much more annoying. You can also tell that she has that high-pitched, forced cute, nasal way of talking that sounds like Minnie Mouse impersonating Fran Drescher. Sure, during sex you just want her to shut up for one minute so you can keep your swerve on – but hold that pillow down for 10 seconds too long and poof! it’s negligent homicide. That’s a lose-lose for all involved, I tell ya…yeeeeeeeeeah…I’m sorry, what was I talking about?
Exquisite choice, sir. At a squint, she’s hott. But the sum of her parts don’t equal the hole. And by “hole” I mean “Jamaican Scratch Hole Pussy”.
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The back of her hands looks the an opened can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti.
The back of her hands looks like it was flayed by tiny Roman centurians.
this looks like jay cutler. if indeed it is, you should probably give him a pass. he works hard!
And furthermore: Regardless of smokin’ body, I cannot fornicate with a woman who has a face identical to Michael Keaton.
I actually feel love in my heart for Sandy. Well, not really love and it isn’t my heart, per se. It is an organ engorged with blood, though.
Regardless of a face Identical to Michael Keaton, I can fornicate with a woman who has this smokin’ body.
I was pulling for Pinky Abdul of the Sisters Baguette. I’m not going to segue the “pulling” into a masterbation comment–I’m better than that.
I raise my glass of single malt in your honor Deltus. Choice cut o’ bleeth’s you’ve picked my dear lad. My eyes now have The Clap – by I understand why you’ve done it.
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Hear, hear!
So much wrong with this picture, so little time to point it out…
Masturbation–I’m almost embarassed by the misspelling.
YOU NIGGGAS STUPID THAT GUY IS A PROFESSIONAL BODYBUILDER you know how much dedication a body like that takes to get. YOU FUCKING WEAK FUCK MISC HERE BODYBUILDING>COM
Professional bodybuilder or not,he looks out of proportion.
Plus I’m sure he can’t even spell his name He looks like a freak. He should dedicate himself to a real job.
teaching bodybuilders how to use computers will result in death by frustration. and therefore it should be outlawed.
and yeah i bet it takes real dedication to become as baguettely as Sandy.
Elanor’s life is now completely devoid of meaning after failing to win this coveted award.
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don’t be sad Elanor. words still fail to describe the myriad of ways that you SUCK.
you virgins wouldnt know what to do with that….
or for that matter any female
stop masturbating yourself to bed with your TEARS
I’d be jelly too if I were an unaesthetic neckbeard, like many of the above posters.
How the hell can you beta virgins hate on people who actually put in time and hard work into achieving a great physique? Is it because you lack the drive to do so? Or will your parents not pay for your gym membership and drive you there after your World of Warcraft raids?
Haha wow, just read the first 20 or so comments on here. Jesus christ you guys are the epitome of foreveralone.jpg
@Stephanie, are you jelly? you mirin’? Jay cutler makes more in a year than you will in your entire life. While he is out there living his dream and getting paid well to do it, you will go about your life getting kicked out of various apartments because you are too much of a cunt to succeed. Your life will make a turn for the better though you will start sucking cock to feed your meth addiction and meet Cletus, the man of your dreams. You will get married and have a few children, who in your eyes will be beautiful but in reality will be as ugly as that pussy of yours which slightly resembles curtains in a house, post-Katrina. You will end your life a burnt out junky getting beat by your husband and die a miserable death.
virgins.com
Sweet, ZYZZ and gang are back. Hey ZYZZ, I don’t come to where you train and make fun of you. This is my gym! Id like to see you have my discipline when it comes to mocking assclowns. I do it 24/7/365. And trust me, I have already made fun of these clowns for playing video games. So why don’t you find a shiney object to stare into and get wrapped up in the beauty that is you. Its what you do best and you should always go with your strengths.
You gentlemen may want to spend this much effort pursuing what some call “women”. Now I know this is a scary concept but stay with me here. Perhaps sitting around and playing e-badass isn’t as constructive of a past time as you once thought it to be. That gentlemen in the picture will undoubtedly be more successful than the majority of the people that post on here. You are all jealous and weak minded. You assume that you have some sort of intellectual superiority to anyone that lifts weights but the truth is that you are all sad tiny men that lack the balls necessary to approach women or pursue any sort of constructive goal. Good day to you all.
Listen Nancy Douche, The problem is you’re focusing on the things in life that don’t really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself “Am I on the right track here?”. I don’t mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.
@Stephanie lol you saying hes out of proportion. hes actually mr. olympia and has one of the most proprtioned builds in the world, you’re jelly as fuk and obviously a fat whore that no one bothers to even whiteknight because no one would bother touch u
u JELLY???
U MIRIN??
YOU MAD????? COME AT ME BRO
looks like NANCY aint never had a cock EVER
OH LAWD
The guy that runs this website is just a jealous phaggot. I bet that his girlfriend left him for some ripped due and now he has a vendetta for them. “I’ll show all of you, I’ll go home and sit behind a keyboard and make you wish you were never born. HAHAHA look at these douche bags with their muscles and they are getting laid. How fucking lame is that?” the guy that runs this site is probably a triple chinned chick repulsing blob like greasy basement dwelling no life having out of shape freak of epic proportions,
@Miscccc, gosh I hope I spelled that right, is it 4 c’s or 6? I still have hopes and dreams and I intend to make them happen. And I am constantly asking myself “Am I on the right track here.” Thank you for your concern though. I’m surprised by your thoughtfulness, I thought all muscleheads just cared about looking good.
wow bodybuilders responding? which nerd did you have to beat up to make such a response. You guys should get back to your ‘bro’s’ and continue your game of beer pong at the fRaT HoUsE. After college you will cry because you wasted your years at getting an education away for the chance to get laid by some skanks. fuck all of you
@ZYZZ, its definitely been awhile. But I ain’t no neckbearded virgin.
Have you acquired the knowledge thus far that there are people who suffer from conditions beyond their control, and are naturally in that state? My aunty, for instance, happens to be a person of that nature. She is a crane operator that has bad joints and a bad spine from operating the crane but you probably lack empathy for that case also. I do not fall under this category as I am 6’5, 300lbs and every day I make an effort to stimulate myofibrillar hypertrophy by inducing skeletal muscle mircotrauma. I would be most enthusiastic about you saying such a thing of unkind nature to my aunty in the vicinity of my physical presence. This has a low probability of coming to pass however as you are courageous only when your words first travel through an electronic medium to a public display forum. My belief is not strong that you would vocalise these insults when there is little spatial distance between yourself and that person. That is my thought process. I would like to know yours. Oh I do offer my apologies as you lack a frontal lobe with the necessary neurons and synapses which are prerequisites for a sentient being. I myself, however, would be most happy to book you in for a three day cruise to travel to my location and visualise yourself making such taunts to a person of my acquaintance with the removal of an electronic discussion medium.
fuck man. i thought the douchebags we see here are bad enough. and then there are bodybuilders.
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which makes me glad it’s nerds that invented missiles, fighter jets, aircraft carriers, and tanks.
@Dr Jones, I’m not sure who you are addressing but a cruise sounds pretty nice.
Hey Stephanie, learn to articulate an English sentence before you jump to the assumption that you are of a superior intellect. Now that you have been academically bitch slapped I will accept your apology and subservience.
Steve did you know that the wright brothers were heavily involved in athletics for most of their lives? Wilbur was even missing teeth from a hockey accident. Just because your a nerd doesn’t give you an excuse to be a pussy. I’m a nerd myself but man you guys are weak as hell.
@ Dr. Jones 7:51 PM,
no one wanted to get your aunt involved EXCEPT YOU. but if you care, do tell your aunt to watch for her back posture whenever she sits and vibrations of the crane if she’s still working. that’s probably what gave her a bad back. there are also crane seats that are designed to remedy back problems.
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and the douchebag in this pic isn’t bloated because of abnormal medical conditions. what’s your point?
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i’ll say the same thing in your face too. in fact, if i was your aunt i’d be ashamed that my life story was exploited by such an idiotic nephew.
Every morning I wake up with tears in my eyes. I cry for a good hour every day just because I realize I will never be smart like you guys. But I have a question for you so called know it alls. what if one day you woke up and your nipples were completely gone
like no scars or anything, just flat skin
and then once you leave your room you find out your dad died last night
and then several days later, you find out that for your entire life your dad had been sneaking into your room while you slept
and sucking on your chest to make to gigantic hickeys where your nipples should be
because you were born without them
not for any sexual reason, just so you would fit in
god bless you dad
jellyvirgins.com
oh fuck SQUARED i’ve attracted the attention of “Somebody Truthful”.
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i was merely pointing out the archaic absurdity of how many bodybuilders define “power”. beyond that, i’m completely not interested in prolonged conversation with people whose twisted moral compasses are grounded on some rubric about some shit pertaining to “weakness”.
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in summary, i’m not gay. so go pile your man love on some other bodybuilder.
“In all of life’s tribulations, there is nothing so aggravating as being condescended to by an [bodybuilding fetish-cult]”
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-Mann Coulter
U JELLY??
u MAD???
U MIRIN DEM JACKED FIBRAZ
Holy shit you guys took it too far. How is Jay mother fucking Cutler a douchebag?
I don’t see a douchebag tat on him, nor do I see any douchebag clothing on him. No duck face, fake tan, nothing. How could you possibly rank him among the other jerk offs you have in this site? Plus the chick is ugly as fawk cuzzzzzz.
You fat fucks get off your ass and achieve god status so you can get some of the chicks you spank your monkey to. /facepalm
Wow holy shit I didn’t realize you guys were making fun of the chick, not Jay Cutler.
youguysarephags..
son, I am disappoint
Wow just wow holy shit i cant believe i just wrote. “/facepalm”
Inflatable Fred’s left arm should be firmly grasping Sandy Bleeth’s tight little ass but for some apparent reason he has it extended mid-air. Perhaps Fred is repulsed by the touch of a female and this is his way of letting us know that he plays for the other team and enjoys hanging out with other weightlifters all day for the group shower sessions playing drop the soap. Seriously though Fred needs to cut back on the roids or else his already raisin shriveled nuts will disappear for good. Sandy on the other hand (ha ha) is like a ‘67 Camero. Fun to drive but too many miles.
I still have a hard time forgiving are combined with photos, knowing how much alcohol it takes to remove from my brain.
You would think that 4/chan would share the parallel mission of mocking preening douches that champion style over substance.
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You would be wrong.
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They have given up, after countless jock-enforced head-smacks into metal lockers; after numerous “I like you…as a FRIEND” speeches by doughy future-fat-ankled mustachioed math majors; after chewing the microwaved (rather than properly oven-baked) store brand pizza rolls brought down by the secretly disappointed Mom.
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YES, they have succumbed to bitter mindless lashing out, like a shaved rat in an empty metal coffee can.
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But that is not their sin. No. Their sin is flaunting the circle-jerk herd mentality ironic Zyzzz/Jay Cutler thing. Oh, pasty 4/channers…you are Ashton Kutcher wearing the trucker’s hat….sans the hott MILF.
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Your Jelly? It’s a Jelly Dong.
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Work it in dry and post the vid to each other.
Someone Turhthful @ 7:37
I believe you meant to call yourself “Someone TRUTHFUL”? This here: “Hey Stephanie, learn to articulate an English sentence before you jump to the assumption that you are of a superior intellect. Now that you have been academically bitch slapped I will accept your apology and subservience.” …. THAT is awfully big talk for someone who can’t spell. Now that you have been academically bitch slapped I will accept YOUR apology and subservience for storming in like a genius but posting up like a remedial.
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Oh, by the way…Sandy has driven me to dig out my uterus with a spork to prevent me from ever popping one out that might end up like her.
Oh god! all the talk of jelly and dongs makes me……makes me…..makes me……spalt!!!!
Go fuck a kangaroo you Aussie cunt stains!
Mirin on.
Deltus, that’s wonderful!
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Hey Boss, I think I like this idea of guest presenters.
The whole friggin’ photograph is a major loser (that means winner in Cockneydouche English). You may flex your deltoids, Deltus, in pride for your eloquence.
Really nice reading, Deltus, however Orange Boobs was robbed. Robbed, I say!
Fine work Deltus.
I need to explain. To be considered the cream of the Douchebaguette crop, one not only needed to have the obvious skank appearance, but there had to be the presence of douchal *attitude* to them as well. Hello Kitty from Starry Blight was on the list, but she didn’t make the top cut because she’s actually smiling sweetly. I’m not saying she’s not infected: clearly she is. But it’s the difference between Skank and Douchebaguette that left her out. Simply being a Bleeth isn’t enough, not anymore. There’s Bleeths out there taking douching themselves up to a whole new level.
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Also keep in mind, this is subjective. I reviewed the pics of all entries from January 1 through early December, and each pic had perhaps .5 to 1 second of my attention to make the first cut.
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Also? ZYZZ and his drones suck Pumpy’s cock lustily. You jelly? You mirin? You blowin’?
“She reeks of poo infection as much as he does, and he’s Inflatable Fred fercrissakes.”
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Well said and well chosen Deltus. Bravo.
Deltus, your logic is easily followed, and that is very fortunate, given some of the postings above. I think the word I am searching for to describe some of them is “simpleton”. Wait, did I spell that right?
Great work Deltus and I fine pick. This Roidbag’s muscles muscles have muscles…..huh?
In reference to the 2nd Runner Up: “Angry Annie”, that “gut” you wrote about can also be called a “gunt”.
And to all you Aussies who continue to waste your time and our time with your “jelly”, “mirin”, “come at me” and “why you mad” faux tough guy crap on the internet…….suck it!
^Mr. Reeve is telling the turth.
just worth a mention i think, not repeating any one i hope. That dude in the picture is Jay Cutler and he is 4 time Mr Olympia, which makes him the best in his field right now 4 times over and her the much deserved trophy.
If being the best in your field is to be a douche I say douche it up
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I really don’t understand the dangly belly button rings. Sure everyone wears them when they first get their belly button pierced but it very quickly becomes annoying and impractical. I can’t tell you how many danglies I’ve lost to pools and the Atlantic before I decided to give it up. But then again I prob’ly have more sense the the ‘baguette of the year.
They’re trying so hard. But she’s Paris Hilton Barbie doll and he looks like an ugly rubber super hero toy.