Friday, December 17, 2010

HCwDB of the Year: Stackhouse the Poet and the Ladies of Florida

It wasn’t a Stackslide. The Sharkbag and Renee came in a close second, and Mister Lipptatt and Holly also put up fierce resistance.

But, in the end, there was no stopping the douchebag voice of a generation. A recap of the Stack’s masterworks in pursuit of his whobag jumpoffs is in order:

Stackhouse the Poet’s “Get Some”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Is It Gay 2 Want To F*uck UR Self”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Some Good Old Fashion HIV Cream Pies Up Ur Ass”
Stackhouse the Poet’s “I’m the Impactor” (with love of poultry pic goodness)
Stackhouse The Poet’s “ill run the diishwasher on pre wash and heat dry”
Stackhouse The Poet “Shitladelphia”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “The Swellery” (with more poultry love)
Stackhouse The Poet’s “WTF I’m Trying to Do Tri’s”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Choke on AIDS If U Drink Water”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Bitches With No Self Confidence Love Buying Their Own Drinks and Driving Home in Neons”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Im a Real, Genuine, Pussy Crushin Human Being.”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Just to Prove a Point of Moral Self Belief and Honesty”
Stackhouse The Poet’s epic four part opus, “I Hope the Creampie Is Rich and Fulfilling”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “Listen Up Elder Child Cocks, of a Fat, Broke, Bootleg Society”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “I Cam With a Left Handed Jew”
Stackhouse The Poet’s “A Shortage of Snatch? Or Just a New Generation of Jump Off?”

The pics:

Stackhouse Hates Christians
To Stack or not to Stack
Stackhouse Likes it Doggy Style
Stackhouse and Bros enjoy Poultry and Pussy on the Reg

The video: Stackhouse Preparing for the 2010 Douchies.

The sidekick: Hurley The Poet, who also has a fondness for poultry and hand gestures.

The debate was fierce, but the doucheyness in presence of some quality Floridian hotness was undeniably pathetic, mockable and significant to the douchebag oeuvre. A well deserved 2010 Douchebag of the Year to the ultimate whobag jumpoff.

Here’s your 2010 Douchie Awards recap:

Most Expensive First Date Hott: Princess Lickmah from “The Quizzical Hemorrhoid”
Douchiest Hair: Four Prong’s Prongs
Douchiest ‘Athlete’: Jeff Reed
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection: Lenny from “Lenny’s Midlife Crisis”
Douchiest Douche-Face: Douche-Face of the Beholder
Biggest Solo Turd: The Jizz Singer
Unluckiest Dog: Spot from “See Spot Cry For the God That Isn’t”
Douchiest Hand Gesture: Ubiquitous Middle Finger
Douchiest Facial Fung: Triplefung
Hottest Librarian Hott: Cindy
Douchiest Tattoo: The Starry Blight aka The King of Sears
The Ricky: Pete from “Pete Tentatively Makes the Rocker Horns”
Douchiest ‘Bag Who May Be a Lesbian In Drag: Four Prong
Greasiest Grease Stain: The Shadow Bandit
Douchiest Lips: Yellow Lips
Jerziest Jerz: D.J. Jerzey Jackoffsky
Best Golden Globes: Ariella
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott: Michelle from “Marty Asks Michelle, ‘Yo, What’s Up? What’s Your Major?’”
Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy: Nickelback
Douchiest Creature From Ancient Greek Myth: The Doucheclops
Orangest Orange: Dr. Redderick Lobster
Most Euro Eurobags: The Nihilists
Douchiest HCwDB Movie: Pumpito
Most Annoying ‘Bagling: Zeke from “Hairapalooza 2010 at the Decatur High Parking Lot”
Hottest Hott of the Year – Bracket #1: Elizabeth from “Larry the Claims Processor Holds Onto 40 As Long As He Can”
Hottest Hott of the Year Bracket #2: Arielle from “The Fratbrosephus Bros”
Douchiest ‘Bag Trend: Groin Shave Reveal
Greatest Crisis of Modernity: Stackhouse’s Poultry
Best Pear of the Year: Splash Pear
The Douchebaguette: Sandy from “Inflatable Fred”
Most Likely to be the Future Ex-Mrs. DB1: Alyssa from “Alyssa’s Boobies Power Priuses”
Smells Like Poo: Jed the Creepy Wankscrote
Most Innovative ‘Bag Maneuver: Vlad the Inhaler’s Handless Chest/Underwear Reveal
Most Likely to be a Part of the HCwDB Show at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023: American Typhus
The Yellowtail: The Termigator
‘Celebrity’ HCwDB Couple of the Year: Russell Brand and Katy Perry

Last but not least:

The Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award: King Douchuous the IV

Some absolutely genius comments threads and writeups by the regs, so be sure to go back and enjoy some of the awards when you have a minute.

And lets not forget the ceremony honoring our 2010 entrants in the hallowed Hall of Mock, as we enshrine Mr. Scrotato Head, Deltus, The Reverend Chad Kroeger, mr.reeve, Wedgie, Et Tu Douche?, Dicy, Eliza Douchcoo, dbBen, soy bomb, DoucheyWallnuts, I R A Darth Aggie and jonezy.

That was a tough-ass list to cull down, with at least forty to forty five ‘bag hunters making the short list by bringing A-List Mock this year. But whether or not you’re officially in the Hall of Mock, you are a part of this site’s community, and don’t you go forgettin’ it. Yes, even you, Motorcycle Parts.

Congratulations to all for being a part of an incredible 2010 Douchie Awards ceremony. Your humble narrator will be getting drunk all weekend, and posts’ll start up again on Monday. But for now, I tip a cup of the ‘Train to all of youse. May your whobag jumpoffs never drink water.

EDIT: Well, it is Friday. So here ya go:

Flair Pear

Enjoy. Gnaw. Repose.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
11:37 am December, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

What? No pear?

11:38 am December, 17 DarkSock said...

GET SOME!
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…whiskey to make it all go away. Cheers! Bring on the 2011 Ass Clownage.

11:38 am December, 17 DarkSock said...

^Yeah, what Baron said…

11:41 am December, 17 Soy Bomb said...

Seriously, F*ck you Stack. Can’t wait to read the acceptance speech. Hopefully it’s punctuated by a self-inflicted shotgun blast to the brain.

11:43 am December, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

Somebody tell me how to do that up arrow thing that we use to refer to an earlier post. I can’t figure it out and it’s making me itchy.

11:45 am December, 17 mr.reeve said...

The right man took down the HCwDBotY award no doubt. When you appear on the site over 20 times (Jeff Reed styles) you are the clear cut douchebag winner (loser). Congrats you turkey frying dickhead.
DB1, thank you for the HoM enshrinement. I will continue to hunt for worthy ‘bag/hottie examples for this great site. “Get some”

11:45 am December, 17 Joe Smith said...

Congrats Stack….and do celebrate by fist pumping the shit out of the weekend and banging down booze and bitches.

Get some

11:46 am December, 17 Wheezer said...

Another spectacular year, Boss! Flaming choadwanks, greasy poostains, lovely pear, fabulous hotts…..and most of all, the wonderful guest write-ups by the regs…..made this a terrific two weeks.
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But yeah, how about one last Pear? I agree with the Baron.^^ ;)

11:48 am December, 17 massengill said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwww yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
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The elder child cockks and diaper dicks done up and done it. Can’t wait to read about this on jasonstackhouse.com…

11:49 am December, 17 massengill said...

Quick, somebody bake up a batch of good ole fashion HIV creampies

11:50 am December, 17 Wheezer said...

Oh, and now for Stacky’s overdue enshrinement into the Hallowed Hall of Scrote…..

11:50 am December, 17 douchebag1 said...

Just added a Pear reward. Enjoy.
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- management

11:52 am December, 17 Wheezer said...

And thanks for the Flair Pear! (And maybe now I can stop with multiple posts…..)
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GET SOME…..and welcome the newest class to the Hall of Mock!

11:55 am December, 17 mr.reeve said...

Mmmmm, Flair Pear!

11:56 am December, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

*Audible sigh*, well let the no rubber/ludes/whobag party begin. I tried Sharkbag, I really tried. I haven’t campaigned this hard for anything since trying to get my mom to switch Taco Tuesdays to Thursday by forging signatures from my dad and brother from a petition a made up. I also forged my mom’s. She recognized it right away that crafty maven. Anyways I should have known better. It didn’t work back then and it didn’t work now.

Well Shitforteethouse, I await your assesptance speech. Please pepper it with new phrases and above all refrain from editing yourself.

DB1, fellow hunters (I love you turtle boy!) thank you for a great first Douchie Awards for me. I’m a bit of a newb when it comes to this
whole internets thing but your insults and “mock till you die” attitude made me feel right at home.

12:03 pm December, 17 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I really think Stack is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.

12:10 pm December, 17 Fatness said...

Well, now that Jason “Diebold” Stackhouse has stolen the election can we shut the fuck up about him? It cheapens the site.
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Have a great weekend all.

12:20 pm December, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What happened to Creepiest Mutant Choadwank?

12:22 pm December, 17 Guns-N-Douches said...

Fucking shame that this assclown got the yearly. A total fucking shame.

12:27 pm December, 17 DarkSock said...

Baron: ^ <– is the “6″ key, + “shift”. On my keyboard, anyway. Mine also has this funny blob symbol across several keys….wait, that was from last week’s ass pear; never mind.

12:31 pm December, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Awww, no love from Db1 for my Stackhouse tune, made in preparation for this epic day

12:32 pm December, 17 Crucial Head said...

Congrats to all the Hall of Mock inductees. Your gift bag is in the mail. I recommend wearing a haz-mat suit when you open it. Mr. White can direct you to a haz-mat suit dealership near you.
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And a hearty cheer to those who helped the boss with the writeups for the winners this year. Very entertaining.
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Perhaps 2011 will be the year Buffalo Beast makes a triumphant return to the Hall o’ Mock?
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*motions to the corner*
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“C’mon Sharkbag, let’s go drown our sorrows in Renee’s blessed cleavite…”

12:37 pm December, 17 tall guy said...

My first year’s Douchies and what a great time it was.
I guess Stackhouse’s Facebook page will now be full of (more) boasting, to which his posse of co-bags’n'bagettes will hit the “like” button repeatedly. Although my preference was Sharkbag FTW – and by ‘preference’ I mean my size 12 boot to his miserable string bean arse – Stackers really upheld everything by relentlessly firing off his awful, squeaky wheel missives.
I’d like to offer my congratulations to the 2010 hunters and fellow mockers who were inducted into the hallowed Hall Of Mock.
Thank you also to DB1. Your tireless efforts keep all of us entertained.
Finally, torch pear… Mmmm!
Well ladies and chaps, I’m driving up the coast a little way to check out an antique brass bed for sale. Enjoy your weekend. I certainly look forward to further participation in our great work.

12:42 pm December, 17 Bag Margera said...

I’m just glad it wasn’t a complete Stackslide.
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Congrats to the new inductees to the Hall of Mock. For Scrotato it’s been a long time coming. You sir, could give Winston Churchill some lessons on how to mock a douchebag with class.

12:42 pm December, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Alice Goodwin as Sexy Librarian Pear. Google this chick, seriously
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Congrats to all new Hall of Mock inducties. And hey rookies, carry my luggage to the cab while wearing these pink tutus and Hello Kitty back packs

12:47 pm December, 17 DouchJ Pauly Douche said...

@ Fatness…agreed. Stacky is beyond douchescrote. The fact that this makes his small little chode hard sickens me. However, my cock gets large and hard knowing that I have a beautiful , wet flower-bud hot waiting for me to get home so she can take all of me in every orph of her petite self….while The Stack has to go out, drink, and wake up tommorrow morn’in with a butta in his bed and the smell of four loco and see bass lingering in the air

12:58 pm December, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Yipee, Stack won. I need a shower.

1:01 pm December, 17 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Congrats to Hall of Mock inductees. Keep up the great work. I will toil away here in the minors until I reach that hallowed ground.
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Stackhouse would not be denied. If there’s any justice in the world, he will see the empty shell his life is, start respecting others and himself, and grow up and try to be a positive force in his community, instead of a self-indulgent, narcissistic cypher, sucking the goodness out of other peoples’ lives and hastening society’s spiraling descent into indignity. One can hope, but I won’t hold my breath.
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Safe and satisfying weekend to you all.

1:03 pm December, 17 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Vin:
Great call on Alice Goodwin. Never have fake breasts been so inviting.

1:14 pm December, 17 Sorta Damocles said...

Thanks for all the work Boss! Epic contests this year. I’m gonna get drunk now and go pee in Rudolph’s butt.

1:23 pm December, 17 doucheblaster said...

No Maureen? I request a recount or a 3rd bracket for I am depressed this weekend more from this loss than the loss of my boss telling me no bonus for christmas this year

1:29 pm December, 17 ehcuodouche said...

Sigh. Left out again. Just gonna have to wait until next year for the hall of mock.

1:39 pm December, 17 DouchJ Pauly Douche said...

about to Get Some in one hour…..while you Stacky are getting none….due to that reoccuring herpes outbreak….always flares more so around the holiday’s…..drink your Micky, fry that poultry, because Call Of Doom is callin….you one and only true love.

Getting Some….While you Stacky make sure the med cabinet has your Valtex waiting…going to be a long weekend

1:42 pm December, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wow!!!! I didn’t expect this at all. I am truly humbled and honored to have earned entrance into the hallowed Hall of Mock. Congrats to my fellow inductees and to all the Mock Stars out there who contribute their keen perspective, and humorous wit on a regular basis that makes this site the chuckle-fest that it is. In closing I would like to paraphrase the great Neil Young by saying to all the bag hunters & huntress out there “Keep on mocking in the free world”.

1:43 pm December, 17 Condouchious said...

How fitting that Stackhouse is from Florida, the state that is essentially America’s dick.

1:46 pm December, 17 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Well I feel like a winner, and my Dad said I would never amount to anything?!?!
Not only am I a raging alcoholic but now Hall of Mock?? Drinks will be drunk this weekend and so will I.

1:46 pm December, 17 collosus of choads said...

the correct result.
i think we can all agree.

get some!!!!!

1:54 pm December, 17 DarkSock said...

Congrats to the new H.o’ M. inductees! New guys gotta buy the beer…
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We need a Hall Of Doc for the regs that have mysteriously disappeared….I’m looking at you, Phah and Captain Bringdown….

2:01 pm December, 17 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

@Condouchious:
Well noted–and Tallahassee is up in the region we would logically think of as the taint. Quite apropos.
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Well done, fellow mockers. It was a fine couple of weeks for the Douchies, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your commentary (especially the guest-presented awards). I could not bring myself to vote for Stackhouse, but I don’t dispute his title as Douchebag of the Year. He is certainly a worthy choice for this dishonor.
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And congratulations as well to those recently inducted into the Hall Of Mock. You merit it and should be proud to be listed amongst some of the titans of taunt, who direct their derisive darts upon those deserving of our opprobrium. Cheers, all.

2:03 pm December, 17 Wedgie said...

Nice win, well deserved. Drunken fool is out fucking a chicken right now, so he can’t give us one of his famous “speeches”.
Hey, maybe this day won’t turn out to be a total loss.

2:17 pm December, 17 Soy Bomb said...

Thanks for the Hall of Mock induction DB1! I didn’t notice it earlier. Wow, what an honor, and congrats to all the others from this year’s class and a humble tip ‘o my Busch Light can to the previous year’s class as well. And ‘nother tip o’ the Busch Light can to everyone else who contributes to this, the funniest, most entertainiest website all of the ‘webs.

2:21 pm December, 17 Soy Bomb said...

…and to my beloved Renee: May I offer you a tip of something as well? I shall wait around in this darkened alley near your flat for your response.

2:25 pm December, 17 Wedgie said...

@Vin:
I will give you some love for your song. It was fuccen great! I played it for my wife, and she laughed so hard little snot bubbles shot out of her nose. Well…..I also showed her my dick at the same time, so I can’t swear she was only laughing at your song.
Cheers, Fontucky.

2:28 pm December, 17 Guns-N-Douches said...

“Condouchious said…

How fitting that Stackhouse is from Florida, the state that is essentially America’s dick.”

Actually, I think Florida is the not-quite-pinched-off turd falling out of the USA’s asshole… which we all know is Georgia.

2:47 pm December, 17 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Well, it’s over. It turned out as expected. Well mocked everyone.
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I just hope we can live with the monster we have created. Happy weekend everyone.

2:47 pm December, 17 Wedgie said...

One last thing: I hope you all disregarded my advice on the Chargers and the over. Fuccen 49ers only get one TD in garbage time? And took points off the board twice? And had a TD kickoff return called back?
Let this be a lesson to one and all: Betting on football games is a fool’s errand.
Lucky for me, guzzling martinis is not.

2:56 pm December, 17 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Baron, as promised I give you the hott from the Joey Porsche experience, and look at the towel half hanging off the window–that’s no PtP hott.
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Exhibit A: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2007/12/hcwdb-of-the-year-the-joey-porsche-experience/
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Exhibit B:
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/12/joey-porsche-is-ready-for-the-2008-douchies/ (okay this is a litte weak, but they have all their teeth)
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and Exhibit C
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http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/04/joey-porsches-sunday/
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Besides, Joey is so much prettier than Stank, he figures into the hott half of the equation too–he’s purty. It also appears he had a steady girlfriend at the time, so he’s prettier AND more wholesome than Stank.
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No homo

3:11 pm December, 17 Greek-God-like bodies and masculine features said...

Congrats, Stackhouse! You win at the game of douchebaggery! “Get some”!
Hopefully when you end up jail while getting butt rammed by Bubba you finally realize how much of an asshole you are. Bravo dickcheese! Bravo!
By the way, I still love cockk and boys……in no particular order of course.

3:13 pm December, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Thanks so much for the induction! Here’s hoping Crucial has restocked the Makers Mark. I would donate my keyboard to the hall but trust me, none of you want to see the sticky worn out thing.
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But enough about my cockk. Outstanding Douchies this year. Some of the best mock I read in a long time. I echo Dark Sock’s sentiments about the Hall of Doc. I think we all realize that every once in a while our real lives have to be our top priority, but I’ve got to put a shout out to the regulars who’ve drifted away but who we also know slink around the edges. We miss you. And to all the new regulars and semi-regulars, your efforts made this year unique.

@Vin Douchal: Your songs are what legends are made of. Can’t wait to hear what you bring in 2011. Keep bringing them, my friend.
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The year’s not over (at least that’s what my boss keeps reminding me), but the holidays are indeed around the corner. Who knows what SantaBoss will bring us before that old guy in the white wife beater with wrinkled orange skin and belly tatt passes on the batton to the new kid in the slouchy levis with the greased up hair, knuckle bling to ring in the new year.
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Until then, this was my Christmas present to the site last year. Some of you may remember it. I’m desperately trying to find time to complete this year’s project. Until then, keep up the fight.
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3:15 pm December, 17 Scooby Douche said...

Hats off to all the Hall of Mock inductees!
Shirts off for all you Hall of Hott inductees!
Off with his head to Stackhouse!
All hail DB1, the Founder of the Feast!

And fuck Fish Slap!

3:37 pm December, 17 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Congrats to Stackhouse the Poet….go fuck your yourself you fucking piece of shit. Love ya

3:40 pm December, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Thank you for the early induction into the Hall of Mock. This site is truly therapeutic for the demented mind, I guess my Creepy Mutant Choadwank submission was lost in a Night Train fest. I will try to up my game and be truly deserving of the honor, Mrs, Kroeger is ecstatic, and by ecstatic I mean she doesn’t give a shit. And by doesn’t give a shit I mean she’s getting rough anal tonight.

3:43 pm December, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Cry Stackhouse! and release the dogs of mock!

3:44 pm December, 17 Wedgie said...

I missed the H.O.M. list until just now. Thanks to one and all, and congrats to my fellow inductees. You all keep me laughing on many a day when my fuccen a-hole clients have me wanting to suck the business end of a .357.
Sanity is such a tricky business, ain’t it?

3:45 pm December, 17 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Oh Stackhouse. I voted for you. Now go hang yourself.

Congrats to the peeps in the Hall of Mock. Your wit and insight may be the only thing keeping America from falling into the hands of douche bags. Keep mocking, friends. This hallowed land needs a good scrubbing. I suggest bleach. The filth runs deep.

And to DB1, thank you, good sir, for championing the cause of Mock. I fear the Mock will be needed for many years to come. I humbly follow you into the new year. -Taint

3:46 pm December, 17 G said...

Congrats, Hall of Mock inductees!! I hope that with time, I can bring my game up to your levels of mock brilliance…I’ve never lol’d so much as I have with this years awards comments…absolutely classic.
Well done mockers, well done.
And to quote “Babe” for Shithouse’s win, “that will do, pig, that will do”

3:50 pm December, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hall of Mock? me? are you sure? I don’t have a speech prepared.
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I’d like to thank all the little people, like Stackhouse, Jeff Reed, and Jed the Creepy. And by people, I mean poo. Makes me tear up. The stench, that is.
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And for Stacky-poo, who’s going to read DB1′s announcement and proclaim the lot of us as lusers and h8ers: remember, you’re in the hall to be mocked, and I’m in the hall to do the mocking. Suck it, bitch.
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Oh, and Get some!

3:53 pm December, 17 Justin said...

Great year all!

3:55 pm December, 17 Justin said...

Cheers to the greatest, most hilarious and ridonkulous site and comments threads in the universe.

4:17 pm December, 17 Douchble Helix said...

Can Shithouse be dis-Cade-ed now, please?

5:13 pm December, 17 mr.reeve said...

To all you mockers and hatters who made it to the HoM, congratulations.
To all the award presenters, good work.
To me being piss drunk at 5:08ish pm pacific standard time, I say “Get some”………more nog and brandy.

5:39 pm December, 17 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Congrats to Dicy, Wedgie, and Mr. Scrotato Head! Welcome to the hall, of course I say this as the most undeserving member of said hall, but just remember: “What you can’t deliver in wit can be made up in poo jokes and withdrawl delusions.”

6:05 pm December, 17 Wedgie said...

Hey, I just noticed……did Holly get shut out of the hottie awards?
I know she was inducted into the HOH earlier this year, but wasn’t she up for the annual too?
I am deeply saddened by this most egregious oversight. As a consolation prize, may I suggest some additional pics of her for me to, uhh….examine more closely?

6:17 pm December, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Oh dear God, what have we done?
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Seriously though, I’m starting to feel some intense voter’s regret over here. I mean, it seemed obvious at first, as if the entire year was just filler to pad out the inescapable coronation of Stackhouse and Florida Girls as the HCWDB of the year. But now that all is said and done, I honestly don’t know how we’re going to be able to live this one down. The shame attached to seeing Stacky’s smug visage next to “____ of the year” is kind of depressing, even if “baboon corpse fucking shit for brains ass wipe” was part of the title.
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Now before the rest of you that all voted against Stack start slapping “Don’t blame me, I voted for Sharkbag” stickers on your Volvo 244, allow me to clarify. Even in retrospect, I would still not change my vote. He is still hands down the biggest douchebag we’ve seen all year. Folks were actively voting against him based on the logic that he was such a narcissistic fuckwad to preclude him from deserving any recognition whatsoever. Like calling him the biggest douchebag of the year is being too nice or something. If that doesn’t indicate taint-face unequaled, I don’t know what does.
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Do I feel any guilt? A twinge, yeah. Do I feel dirty? Heck yeah. It will take more than a just few loofahs to wash the penetrating stench of Stackhousian failure from our collective consciousness, but I’m glad we did it. Now the deed is done, a year’s worth of relentless displays of narcissistic pud wankery and counter displays of scathing mockery have culminated in this magnificent moment of declarative scrotal sniffery. We gave Ol’ Stackers a pedestal upon which he was free to prove his unequivocally pathetic ass munchery to a wider audience. We provided the stage for the Stackinator to further advertise his blithering idiocy to an uneducated public.
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If only one sultry giggle hott views our work and is conviced to more carefully guard her drink in the presence of Stackhouse, we have done well. If but one child views our relentless taunting and decides against hating water and getting his swellery on, we have saved the day. If merely one slightly below-average high school graduate decides against going to FSU and instead enrolls at junior college to eventually get a transfer to Wake Forest, we have won.
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I am proud to say, “I voted for Stack”. And even though I’ll spend the next three hours crying in the shower, scrubbing obsessively, it was still worth it.
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Now let us never speak of this again.

6:20 pm December, 17 Deltus said...

Stackhouse winning was as inevitable as his eventual arrest for a serious assault charge on some whobag jumpoff in the near future. Our collective hat off to you, Stacky. And by that I mean we wipe our literary smegma on the curtains of your existence. I’m certain you’re familiar with the maneuver.
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And for the induction to the hallowed Hall of Mock, truly, I wasn’t even thinking I’d be granted it. I am touched and honored, and I raise my glass to you, Boss, for the show of respect. And to everyone out there reading this, remember, it’s about the Mock. So Mock on!

6:29 pm December, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

BTW, congrats to all the new Hall of Mock inductees. You’re all more than deserving of such an honor, and I’m only saddened for those sharp-tongued regs out there who will have to wait until next year. I will patiently hold out hope for you to be officially recognized for your worthy contributions to this site. Thank you all, you make this site a joy to be a part of.
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Alright look , I voted for Stackhouse. From this point forward, no amount of ass-sucking will make me feel dirtier than I already do.

6:39 pm December, 17 Fatness said...

JD, nicely reasoned. But when he shows up on MTV calling himself “The Stackhouse”, I’m blaming you.

7:11 pm December, 17 Douchelips said...

Get Some! Well the Stack got his, despite not voting for him, he deserves it. BY FAR the year’s biggest Douchebag and an epic poet on top of that. (It’s hard to read that shit, can someone teach him how to spell please?!)
.
An excellent year of mocking was to be had in 2010. Thank you DB1 for being our fearless leader. I look forward to more mock in 2011!

7:40 pm December, 17 Dicy said...

Wow! Thanks for letting me in boss. Thought I’d been disqualified fof being less dedicated recently due to my pursuit of “higher education.” What the fuck is a physics anyways? I don’t need that shyt! I just need to crush some pussy on the reg and GET SOME poultry!!

7:43 pm December, 17 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

Another year done now time to celebrate… no, no thats not the right word is it… commiserate thats it commiserate. Another year coming, another bunch of greased up choads stealing all the ladies and smelling like aftermath of an exlposion at the ‘Unilever’ factory. Hunt on good sirs and ladies. we do this for our children… OUR CHILDREN!

7:57 pm December, 17 Douchie Howser said...

I am pouting. Much like the time I lost the third grade president race to the class hot chick. I think she was giving away kisses behind the portable classrooms, but oh well.

All hail King Stack. May his whobags have crabs, may his blow be cut with cat laxative and may his reign be shorter than his choad.

8:00 pm December, 17 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I wish to congratulate the new Hall of Mock inductees who are now enshrined forever in the cyberspace of HCwDB. And when it comes to keeping up with the site’s continuous influx of the new and deranged in douchebaggery, may you heed the oh-so-humble words of my mother-in-law every holiday season when she made oh-so-glorious cinnamon-pecan-sticky rolls: “Better GET SOME before they’re all gone!”

8:18 pm December, 17 Tom Choad said...

My first Douchies has come to a close– I think we all knew this was going to turn out badly, and with Stack involved, how could it not? You won, Jason, you stupid fucking dickwad. Now please disappear so we can start the healing process by drinking you out of our memory.
.
Way to go, Hall of Mock newbies! I hope to one day join you. I truly enjoyed all the great lampoons of the utterly useless choadwanks, scrotepuds and full-on douchebags I’ve read here in the few months I’ve been a part of this community. I vow to continue the good fight and to work my scrawny, Midwestern ass off at producing better satire for you. Even if it means looking at hot chicks on the web all day at work and half the night at home, and vastly expanding my vocabulary of insults.
.
Thanks for the venue and the inspiration . DB1! You are doing fine work. To the rest of you, I paraphrase the great Edward R. Murrow: good night and good mock!

9:16 pm December, 17 Troy Tempest said...

To the recent Hall of Mock inductees, welcome to Nirvana. Sorry if it smells like Axe and Teen Spirit, but it comes with the territory. And don’t be alarmed – it washes off.
.
And to my fellow regs – you have all done a stellar job this year. A few of you deserve special attention:
.
1. Medusa – you rock, my friend. Keep it up – your smack downs are pure art.
2. Crucial Head: FUCK YOU (but I mean that in a good way). I tried Makers Mark, and now it’s all I’m drinking, and it’s too damned expensive. And Mrs Tempest likes it too, so now I’m screwed because now we have to put a line for Markers Mark in the monthly budget. More of my precious Canadian Cash going to Bourbon County Kentucky. Shit.
3. To the other academics on this list (you know who you are) – let’s turn it up a notch or three in the coming year – not so much in quantity – I think there’s plenty here to read – but more in quality. And not quality as in “better”, we’re all doing some fabulous mocking, but more in terms of shifting the quality, much as one might change a colour or smell. This of course is completely dependent on the input we get in terms of images from DB1. I’m thinking shifting it to laserbeam death rays that bludgeon with odor and text. Buit then, this may ujust be the Makers talking (DAMN YOU CRUCIAL HEAD) as I get steadily drunkerer.
.
4. I had a number 4, but I fergit. Oh right: wheezer – your visual Memory astounds me. You should be studied by the neuroscience ggeeks on the other side of campus. They need to examine your head, not that you need your head examined, but well your memory is amazing. Bottle it and get rich.
.
So, raise your glasss high and drink to the idiots of the planet. We owe so much to the enemy, without them all, where would we be? Tonight we burn the King of Straw!
.
Oh, and a final message to our celeb du jour, Stackhouse:
.
fuck off asshole.

10:07 pm December, 17 Motorcycle Parts said...

Acceptance speech. Hopefully he is interrupted by a shot self-inflicted brain.

11:02 pm December, 17 Stephanie said...

Giving him an award,hope it does not backfire. Why feed his ego,all he deserves is a turd.

11:27 pm December, 17 The Dude said...

He’s an asshole.

11:55 pm December, 17 Wheezer said...

Holy shit, Motorcycle Parts, I hadn’t considered that!
.
Thanks, Troy – but yeah, I do need my head examined. Heh heh…..

1:23 am December, 18 Steve L. said...

is this award heavy enough to crush Stackhouse’s pussy?
… someone had to ask.

5:58 am December, 18 Collaz B. Popped said...

12 – Days of Douchemas was fucking awesome!!!!

A microcosm of 2010 and fwap fwap slimy ropes.

Will mock more than ever in 2011.

Lets not forget – theres NOTHING good about being DB of the Year,,,regardless of Smackmouse’s diatribes.

6:36 am December, 18 skrag2112 said...

Congratulations Stackhouse. Now please kill yourself.

10:19 am December, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Regrettably, I had to make the tough decision to bow out of this festive occasion, for I did not lock myself in the laboratory and worked around clock, I would not have completed my submission in time.

Once I settle I will take a greater look through it all, but with a cursory, I say congratulations all around! Great prose on the poo that is a pox on Western civilization. When modern philosophers were ruminating about the possibility of the Enlightened western civilization becoming a victim of its own success, they never envisioned that a manifestation of such a phenomenon would grace us with near Platonic exactitude.
.
In fact, an archeologist from the Pontifical academy of sciences was on a recent research assignment and discovered a historical document which told of a different account of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.
.
Once the prisoner was dragged out from the cave, he was soon greatly shocked not by the revelation of how different the real forms were different from what he discerned from the shadows, but how much they were covered in poo. Trying to find solace, he only encountered the numerous Stackhouses. Upon retreating to the cave to inform his friends, he was but shunned and afraid to venture out again, our prisoner decided to remain. Despite this knowledge, he resigned to continue on and everyday he was reminded by his revelation as projected onto the wall, a certain shadow would prompt his memory daily:

“GET SOME”

.
And that is why Stackhouse will never fall from his throne up high on and on Mount. Olympoos. Other tainted Titans may challenge him, but he will strike down with his many lighting bolts of baggery. We can only hope that he will just confine himself to boredom such that no Zyzz fappers or Sharkbaglings
make a pilgrimage for his Zen-like wisdom on how to bang bitches and drink. LIke Greek mythology, this too will fade into the obscure aether of history, but until then, we shall stand by the ready and be vigilant for comedy is the greatest therapy and antidote.
.
I must be off again, but well done, I do hope you enjoy your holidays, fellow baghunters.

10:25 am December, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

*for if I
*cursory read
* real forms were from what
*and on

Hmmm, maybe I should have slept first after emerging from the lab. God, I can’t type.

11:49 am December, 18 DarkSock said...

Wait……………….”elder child cocks”?
.
.
.
.
.
what?

11:53 am December, 18 DarkSock said...

The Boss’s albatross hangs heavy ’round his neck…
.

12:48 pm December, 18 tall guy said...

Far be it from me to dispute the ‘voice of a Generation’, but Stackers comes a poor second to an earlier Hall Of Scrote inductee. Namely, one He Just Bangs Bitches And Drinks. Just saying.

12:59 pm December, 18 Blinded by the Shite said...

2010 has been a good year: quality ass pear, lickable hotts and bursting at the seams of its nut-sack with douchebags. As soon as December is over, I’m fisting pumping the shit out of 2011. Get Some.

2:06 pm December, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m honored and humbled to be recognized by the Mockeratti, and to be accepted as one of them. Groucho Marx said, “I never want to be in any club that would have me as a member,” but I disagree, since Mock, I must, and Mock, I am.

Troy, as a fellow bourbon drinker, I will be tipping my Makers Mark on the rocks with a muddled orange in celebration of all things this season brings. And while I’m talking bourbon, I recommend trying Wild Turkey American Honey – all the goodness of Wild Turkey with a hint of real honey…just the thing to take the edge off in the cold weather.

2:16 pm December, 18 dbBen said...

Thanks for the nod boss. I will not stop the mock until the streets run orange with Axe.
.
Stackhouse. Weren’t you in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”? I seem to remember you in a scene with wood paneled walls. If not, I recommend you watch it, you’ll find some kin. They hate bikes.

3:30 pm December, 18 Andy Capp said...

I am horrified, appalled, offended and sickened by this result.
.
Which means we got it absoutely right.
.
Now we get to see Stacky implode like Todd Bridges at the end of this career as a child star.
.
Which means the universe is ultimately just.
.
And now we celebrate another crop of worthy members for the Hall of Mock. I hear said Hall does smell like month-old Axe, but the bar service is good and the free Friday Barfly Pizza is actually quite tasty.
.
Which means many of us have to bring more “A game”.
.
I, for one, plan to invert the teachings of STACKHOUSE THE ODIOUS in the year ahead. I fully plan to FIST PUMP the shit out of the theads, DEEP FRY the bleethy poutry on display, and deposit much in the way of psychic HIV CREME PIES on the 30K Milllionaire Whobag Choads. I am gonna GET SOME, and then some.
.
That said, toast raised, all I can say is;
WHO’S UP FOR A GAME OF “PIN THE TAIL ON THE ZYZZ”?
.

4:22 pm December, 18 Curtis E Flush said...

Does anyone here have a good recipe for deep fried panties? I’m having company over tonight, and I just want to serve something different. Thanks!

5:05 pm December, 18 clam fist said...

Stackhouse won this in January. The rest of the was a waste of effort by the other bags.

5:27 pm December, 18 Troy Tempest said...

I just noticed this: Stacky has a seriously receding hairline.

If he’s about 30 now, then by the time he’s 40, he’ll look like George Costanza, only pumped up on steroids.

6:07 pm December, 18 Wrapped Up Like A Douche said...

I just watched his video… he’s got an IQ bordering functional retard, an imbecile if you will. Also, the speech impediment he has with W’s is probably because his idiotic parents couldn’t afford braces. I wonder when he realizes the 600,000 in student loans he has from 10 years of college has to be paid off at 14%.

6:22 pm December, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Julianne Hough mistook her ACM award for my cockk and ballz
.
.

6:43 pm December, 18 Hapich said...

Stacky deserves it. Good job you gynormous douche nozzle!

6:46 pm December, 18 DarkSock said...

Now is the time to write your congressman and ask him to support “Don’t Axe®, Don’t Smell”

6:54 pm December, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Rest In Peace Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart. The only one to ever out-Zappa Frank Zappa
.

7:07 pm December, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Oh man, now that makes me miss Frank Zappa even more. It’s a shame I only got to see him live 11 times. No one coaxed more tones out of an SG. Ever
.

7:13 pm December, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Whenever I think of Zappa the mind wanders to Steve Vai, his kept-in-tow sidekick for a few years. His mindless-savant technical mastery of speed and pedals is awe inspiring.
.

7:15 pm December, 18 Vin Douchal said...

So,.. .who had Captain Beefheart in the 2011 Death Pool? Sucks for you

7:23 pm December, 18 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

@ Troy 5:27

.

Stackhouse won’t look like George Costanza on steroids in ten years; he’ll just look like George. Period.

.

His 30k job can only support roids AND rent for so long, and no matter how meatheadish he remains, rent always wins out (except for the Gator) eventually.

.

Don’t be surprised when “Stackfield” airs on Spike TV in 2019 ’cause I’m calling it right now.

.

In more entertaining news, I’m drinking copious amounts of Black Label to “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” right now. Oh Chevy, your toothy smirk both excites and terrifies me…. And I may or may not be fondling my balls right now.

7:53 pm December, 18 Soy Bomb said...

Yngwie Malmsteen, the ‘baggiest of all shredders.

8:48 pm December, 18 Curtis E Flush said...

The top three rock bands with the most number of consecutive Gold or Platinum albums, in descending order:
.
1. The Beatles
2. The Rolling Stones
3. (are you ready for this?) RUSH
.
Yeah, no shit. RUSH! Talk about your under-appreciated, under-estimated, never-got-much-air-play or record company “hype” or support, we’ll-do-it-on-our-own, thank-you-very-much, yet still continues to kisk-ass for almost forty years (yeah, that’s almost 40 YEARS!) bands!
.
And they’re still not in the rock-n-roll hall of fame.

8:53 pm December, 18 Troy Tempest said...

Meh. All you guitar god worshippers. There is divine playing everywhere. Just keep your eyes and ears open.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcsSPzr7ays

8:53 pm December, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Troy–back at you, my dear. I do it all for the Hott.
.
Congrats to the new inductees to the HoM. Hopefully our numbers continue to grow.
.
Heavy is the head who wears the crown. Congrats, Stacky. I look forward to reading of your death from alcohol poisoning and/or auto-erotic asphyxiation.
.
Speaking of Hall Of Mock: Whoever linked me to that horrid “Medusa Oblongata” cartoon, I have nothing to do with that whatsoever. I can be found here, however. You people should know better that that, I’m way too perverted to do comics featuring children.

10:04 pm December, 18 Guid is Good said...

Stackhouse wins. Somehow we all lose.

10:27 pm December, 18 Curtis E Flush said...

@Troy
Without a doubt, these two are talented and amusing. You are also correct in stating that divinity, like fine ham, abounds. I guess I just have to take exception at the response of “meh” when I mention a great such as RUSH. Take a few years and listen to Alex Lifeson’s soulful, yet restrained, pickings on tracks such as “La Villa Strangiato”, “Different Strings” or anythying from 2112. Then if your in the mood for some really technical guitar workings, accompianed by some of the most wicked bass riffs in the bizz, ala Geddy Lee, throw “Permanent Waves” in for a spin. At the same time, absorb Neil Peart, lyricist cum laude and part-time worlds greatest drummer. Me thinks that these guys deserve more than just a “meh”.
.
OR
.
The next time these guys “tico tico” to sold out stadiums around the world, for over 30 years running, you let me know.

11:05 pm December, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Jesus butt fucking Christ, people! Knock it off with the snooty guitar knowledge double dutch rubs already! You sound like a bunch of gawddamn stuck up hipster shit tards. Grow some balls, listen to some Slayer, and shut the fuck up already!!!!!
.
Jeez!
.
Sorry, the in-laws just arrived. I’m goin’ to be pretty ornery for the next week.

11:07 pm December, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

You know how many guitarists it takes to screw in a light bulb?
.
All of them.
.
One to screw in the bulb, and the rest of them to say “Yeah, I can do that.”

11:11 pm December, 18 Miss Anonymous said...

Did somebody say “RUSH?”

11:52 pm December, 18 Curtis E Flush said...

@Jacques
Ya know, I gotta tell ya, it’s nice to discuss someting other than the 2010 DBoY Stackhouse for a change. So let’s rock out for awhile. First, my sympathies for the in-law si-ti-ation. I agree that there is no better remedy for the annoyance of the unwanted than the ear-bending buzz-saw of Heavy Metal. My choice would have to be Perpetual Conversion. Nothing like anti-christian Death Metal for the holidays. This, followed by a good, loud puke session in the guest bathroom sets the right tone of Christmas cheer for all of the family. Top it off with a jolly Sanit Nick lawn-job as you speed your way to yet another DUI and a Happy New Year in jail.
.
OR
.
Plug in that AC/DC tape while I roll this, dude.

11:56 pm December, 18 Curtis E Flush said...

@Miss Anoynmous
.
Hell yes, I said RUSH!

12:03 am December, 19 Curtis E Flush said...

@ Troy
Just so you don’t think I’m a completely argumentative dick, I actually enjoyed that youtube clip. Thanks for enriching my life.
.
OR
.
I’ve had a lot to drink tonight, buddy, so fuck you.

12:07 am December, 19 Curtis E Flush said...

No really, I’ve been drinking since noon. I think it’s pretty amazing how well I can type.
.
OR
.
Troy, really dude, I’m sorry. I hope we’re cool. It’s just that I’ve been drinking since noon, and I’m kinda fucked up right now, but I meant every word that I said.

12:08 am December, 19 Curtis E Flush said...

oqejivo;jervqeijfvodjf;odiufjhb’;bjadknfbv
.
OR
.
Fuck, I need to go to bed.

2:20 am December, 19 douche equis said...

Yeah, so, I had thought I’d compose some sort of epic, summarizing, put-me-in-the-Hall-of-Mock missive on my anti-Stackhouse POV, clarifying to any who cared to listen that Stacky’s a sociopath, not a douchebag, but a few days went by where I was distracted by minor issues like earning a living, and suddenly the bastard has won, my missive unpublished, my vote for Sharkbag never cast, and the world is a sadder place.

Still, I really can’t argue. I can only drink, and try to forget. Onward!

6:20 am December, 19 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I lived in Florida for four years. There is an overabundance of Stackhouse types in that state. At what point does waking up hungover to a filthy rental house littered with cigarette butt filled Bud Light bottles lose it’s appeal?
.
I nominate the State of Florida for Douchiest State honors!

9:14 am December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

Dicy? Really? For The Hall of Mock?
.
Bar is set damn low if you have a cute face and a set of tits apparently.

9:29 am December, 19 Soy Bomb said...

^
I liked you better when you were just “Long Time.”

10:05 am December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

^
Thing is, you know I’m right Soy Bomb.

10:14 am December, 19 Scroyelaw said...

Stackhouse is the man……he always seems to find the women who are attracted to men with receding hairlines

10:14 am December, 19 Willie Fisterbotton said...

Rush?
.
Meh.

10:41 am December, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ Curtis E Flush
Oooooh, no you don’t. There ain’t no WAY you’re tricking me into one of those lame death metal name dropping contests. I’m not going to talk about my vintage ’60s black military trench coat, my favorite Warhammer careers, and about how much more badass technical death metal bands like Sarcófago or Cryptopsy are.
.
.
.
.
Damnit!

11:11 am December, 19 Stackhouse said...

Leave Dicy alone hatter Long Time. Get some!

11:23 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Ahhh, name-dropping obscure groups?
.
Steel Pole Bathtub.
.
.
.
I WIN!!!
.
.
One of STB’s former members went on to become a head CGI animator for the Lord Of The Rings Movies.
.
I WIN THE BONUS ROUND!!!!

11:24 am December, 19 Miss Anonymous said...

Is anyone in here still talking about Rush?

11:25 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has pierced balls and wears hoop earrings on them as stirrups for Hurley.

11:26 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

When StackHouse farts cufflinks tumble out.

11:26 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has a backward left knee joint and can only pivot when he panics.

11:27 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has a boiled egg for a dick.

11:27 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse and Jay Leno tied for 2010 ChinFuck Champ.

11:28 am December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse’s cockk appears in Tron: Legacy as a pixel.

12:21 pm December, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Stackhouse’s lover has a dick so big he can fuck an elevator shaft.

12:25 pm December, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Long Time – Dicy fuckin rocks. She is one of the finer new people here (along with Nancy. YO NANCY – get a picture will ya? It doesn’t have to be of you. But putting a “face” on things helps with the communications…) among many, and Dicy is a sweeeeetie pie among sweetie pies. You haven’t got half the class she excretes into her nail polish chips.

And about Rush – yeah – they’re good and at times they’re great, but I was just never able to get into them. Don’t rightly know why – they just never flipped my crank like some other bands at the time (King Crimson, Yes, Genesis, van der Graaf Generator, Soft Machine, National Health, Univers Zero, Utotem, 5uu’s, etc.) did. It’s not that Rush sucks – far from it – I just don’t dig ‘em. Kind of like the Clash. Everyone loved the Clash. I liked their stuff, but never really dug them. I’d rather listen to MX80, Chrome, X, Siouxsie, the Damned, Gang of Four, buzzcocks, etc. The Clash are great, I just don’t much like them. No big deal.

And the couple playing Tico Tico are awesome and I think the girl is cute as a button.

12:25 pm December, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

When Stackhouse farts, it sounds like this.

12:27 pm December, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Stackhouse got a chin implant so Hurley would have someplace comfortable to rest his balls.

1:48 pm December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

Dicy can be the sweetest of sweetie pies and I’m not slagging HER, just saying her comments aren’t what makes for induction into the Hall of Mock. Unless you have a cute face and tits.

2:34 pm December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Thank you Troy, and I’ll get around to putting a picture up. It just seems like a lot of commitment. And Long Time First Time, I’ll be watching for some award winning mock from you then. If you’re gonna call someone out you better be able to bring the goods yourself.

Gawd, is this what I’ve become? The troll police? It pays nothing and and it never ends. Its like being a parent! You trolls and anons better take care of me when I get old and not ship me off to the home until I’ve completely lost it.

2:37 pm December, 19 Eliza Douchecoo said...

If anyone doesn’t deserve to be in the HOM , it’s me…oh and Nancy D. is funny as shit, fuck all y’all. I need a hot pocket.

2:59 pm December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

Nancy Dreuche… I’m not a mocker, I come for the mock. Maybe I’m wrong about the criteria though. Is it QUANTITY or QUALITY? And why is it that if someone has a difference of opinion they are automatically labeled a “troll”? I just feel if anyone else were to post EXACTLY what Dicy did since she started mocking they wouldn’t be in the Hall of Mock today. Well, unless they had the librarian hott thing going on.

3:19 pm December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Eliza D. Thank you, and Hot Pockets are delish. Good choice.

@Long Time, First Time. Come for the mock, stay for the Stackhouse HIV Cream Pie. You are entitled to your opinion. It appears you take this Hall of Mock business very seriously to voice your concerns in such a way. If you really feel strongly about the matter you should probably take it up directly with the management, whom I’m guessing is DB1. Maybe there are some Dicy comments you missed that were factored into the nomination? And I’m not sure if its QUANTITY or QUAILITY? I’m new here. These questions would best be answered by the one and only DB1. Peace be with you.

3:20 pm December, 19 Guns-N-Douches said...

Aw, quit debating who should/shouldn’t be in the HOM. The quality of writing I find on HCWDB is some of the funniest shit I have ever found on the web, all are deserving of praise. Although these days I’m relieved when an internet post doesn’t have gross misspellings or improper grammar.

3:40 pm December, 19 douchebag1 said...

All are intitled to their opinions, and the Hall of Mock is definitely subjective (there were at least another 30 who probably should’ve been inducted as well), but Dicy scored major points back in the day for this:
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/01/reader-mail-dicys-tag/
.
Impressive work, it was.
.
- management

3:51 pm December, 19 Anon #16243 said...

Hatter in the house!
.
Ay, Long Time, First Time, why don’t you get a WordPress account and that sex change you’ve always wanted and get yourself into the Hall of Mock instead of being so jelly.
.
U mad, brah?

4:32 pm December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

DB1, I didn’t know you were on shift today, I tried to handle the disgruntled commenter as best I could. I hope we didn’t interupt your binge drinking for this. Binge drinking is best when gone undisturbed and in binges for maximum effectiveness. That being said, the Dicy bag tag is gold. For anyone to get that close to a douchebag in it’s natural habitat and escape without a scratch or the stench of AXE certainly deserves an award.
I hope this satiates Long Time, First Time’s bloodlust.

@Anon16243, right on. Finally, an anon that GETS IT!

5:25 pm December, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ DarkSock 11:23–
I heard of ‘em. Did NOT know, however, about his later career as an animator. Well done, you! Bonus points! Can I play?
.
Pajama Slave Dancers.
.
I was very upset when NOFX released an album called “Heavy Petting Zoo” in 1996. Pajama Slave Dancers released an album of the same name in 1987 (Heavy Pettin’ Zoo, to be precise, but what’s the diff) Fuck you, NOFX. Some of us saw what you did there.

6:47 pm December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Shows how weak the Shithouse win is when his ‘Hott’ is “THE LADIES OF FLORIDA’.

meh.

6:50 pm December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Also, fuck Rush, Gordon Lightfoot, that female singer I can’t remember from the 1960s and every other ‘Canadian Content’ radio star.

BTW, here in the US of A, Long Time, First Time is allowed to voice his opinion. Like it or not. No admin help was needed.

6:52 pm December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

^^^Anne Murray is the the 1960s Canadian female…

6:56 pm December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

Took a picture next to a bag. Meh. If I send in a bunch of pictures I shoot with a telephoto lens of douchebags I guess they should name a full wing of the Hall of Mock after me.

7:00 pm December, 19 Long Time, First Time said...

Douchble Helix…
Thanks for the support. I’ve noticed there is a little bit of venom when you don’t agree with the masses here. It’s like hipsters… they’re all so unique that they all dress exactly the same way. Don’t deviate or you will be cast out like a leper.

7:07 pm December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Don’t drag me into anything. Last thing I want is another DoS fiasco here.

7:34 pm December, 19 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Now, now, Long Time. Nobody’s casting you out from what I can tell. No venom, either–just gentle encouragment not to piss on her candle–DB1 decided and she’s in fair and square.
.
Dicy’s a reg who brings a great attitude, a tag in the wild (no telephoto lens), and plenty of wit. Let’s not fight amongst ourselves.
.
You’re entitled to your opinion, but c’mon.

8:05 pm December, 19 Steve L. said...

welcome to the Hall of Mock, where i don’t really feel different from the rest of the HCwDB readership.
.
does that surprise you? meh.

8:50 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

Wedge was pounding today. I will be pulling seaweed out of my ass until January. Love and kisses to all.
Well…not you Jason, but everyone else.

8:51 pm December, 19 Tom Choad said...

Complainers in our midst? Meh to that whiny bullshit. Note that I didn’t say whether I agree or disagree with the content of anything that’s been said on the issue, so I’m not just “hatting.”
.
I always say do your talkin’ on the field, big shot. Think someone else should be getting props? Then bring your A-game every day and make the world recognize. Anyone is welcome to his opinion, but only those who produce consistent, quality mock are gonna get heard. And squeezing sour grapes doesn’t amount to much of that.
.

8:53 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

Check out my boy Matty Shade killing it at http://vodpod.com/watch/821849-bodysurfing-giant-wedge

9:51 pm December, 19 Soy Bomb said...

Hey First Time: venom for venom, chump.
.
I love how all these anons come on here to snipe, and then get all defensive when there’s any kind of retaliation. That’s how it works fool, tit for tat.
.
.
.
Boobs.

9:55 pm December, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Everything is dead or dying in Pooville.
.
Mommy says “Why are we HERE?”
.
“To take care of you”, the baby replies.
THis is what it is like to live in a dying civilisation, where the stupid reign supreme while the intelligent are replled by the odor of Axe and elder poo.
.
This isn’t a crisis of modernity, this is a crisis of the human spirit. This is what it is like when the world flaps its jowls like the cloacal lips of Stackhouse. His emergence as the Lord and Saviour du Jour of the Floridian Bleeth Patrol only makes him stronger -stronger in mind, stronger in poo. For his vision is allpervasive and knowing, in much the same way a gnat is all knowing of its own gnatness.
.
I am going to sick my ferrets on pictures of Stackhouse. Then I’ll let them loose. Just a matter of time after that.
.
JASON STACKHOUSE – EATEN BY FERRETS!
.
the headline will rave.
.
And there will be much rejoicing.

9:57 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

I pay attention to detractors when they bring something that is at least the caliber of the person they’re slagging.
.
next…

9:59 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

And I think the little cartoon douche at the bottom of the page should have gotten a Douchie….I guess StackHouse edged him out for 2-dimensional douchebag of the year…..maybe next year…

9:59 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse is so shallow germs use him as a kiddie pool

10:00 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has pepperoni nipples

10:01 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse idolizes olympic diver Greg Loose-Anus

10:01 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse is so shallow his dick looks like a slice of bacon

10:02 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

C’mon, these pointless inter-thread memes aren’t going to start themselves…

10:05 pm December, 19 Soy Bomb said...

Stackhouse is so shallow, the kids are droppin’ kids in his pool.

10:15 pm December, 19 Soy Bomb said...

Stackhouse is so shallow Jennifer Aniston was at a fashion show, saw this thread, and spoke the following aloud to no one in particular: “Jennifer Aniston thinks that this Stackhouse douche is f*cking shallow.”

3:43 am December, 20 Long Time, First Time said...

Soy Bomb…
.
Yes, Soy Bomb, I’m an ANON. Unlike you, my name isn’t actually Long Time, First Time. I do realize your parents had the foresight to name you Soy Bomb so you could post comments on the internet without fear of being found out.
.
Fucking moron. At least if you’re going to come at me, do it intelligently. GET SOME!

4:10 am December, 20 Motorcycle Parts said...

Chief! Flaming choadwanks, poostains fat, pear beautiful chapel, fabulous … .. and especially the wonderful writing regs driven businesses … .. made the terrible two weeks.

5:07 am December, 20 massengill said...

Stackhouse is such a philosipher, he hopes the cream pie is rich and fulfilling.

5:11 am December, 20 massengill said...

Stackhouse fights turkeys á la Thunderdome death match before deep frying them.

5:24 am December, 20 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Stank’s nose is so big, after HBO called for his domain name, Fruit Loops called for his profile.

5:25 am December, 20 massengill said...

Stackhouse is so famous, he has 39 followers on Twitter.

5:28 am December, 20 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Stank’s teeth are so crooked, Hanna-Barbara offered him the name, Snagglepuss, as a consolation prize, when HBO didn’t offer him $2 million for his domain name.

5:43 am December, 20 massengill said...

Stackhouse was kicked out of Keiser University’s culinary school for deep-frying pigeons.

5:49 am December, 20 Cam, The Left-Handed Jew Attorney said...

Please cease and desist all slanderous statements about my client, Jason Bienlich (“Stackhouse”), or I’ll sue you so hard you’ll plotz.

5:59 am December, 20 Cam, The Left-Handed Jew Attorney said...

@ Goy Bomb

Please explain your “kids droppin’ kids comment,” I’m trying to determine if that is hearsay or conjecture.

6:03 am December, 20 Anonymous said...

First Time:
.
It’s true, my parents were a cruel, cruel people.
.
It’s just humorous that you came on here spewing venom yourself, looking to start trouble, then acted surprised when you caught some flak right back. Are you really that bad at the internet?
.
And yes, until you start tearing into douche with your newfangled handle, you shall remain part of the ‘anon’ pool. It’s simple math.

6:04 am December, 20 soy bomb said...

^
That was me.
.
And ironic.

7:08 am December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Long Time, First Time said…
At least if you’re going to come at me, do it intelligently. GET SOME!
.
@Soy Bomb:
He want’s you to COME AT HIM, BRO! YOU JELLY? YOU MAD?
.
There may be nothing in the world more ironic than telling someone to be more intelligent while employing the vernacular of Stackhouse and the Zyzz-worshipers. I only hope it was intentional.

7:23 am December, 20 smackdouche said...

Kids, if you can’t get along with your playmates, then you’ll have to go to time.

7:27 am December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Also– has it really come to this?

Long Time, First Time said…
I just feel if anyone else were to post EXACTLY what Dicy did since she started mocking they wouldn’t be in the Hall of Mock today. Well, unless they had the librarian hott thing going on.
.
Whatever else we all may disagree on (and Rush fucking rules, dammit), there is simply no call for dragging the wonderfulness that is librarian hott styling into any argument. Will nobody think of the children?

7:38 am December, 20 Magoo Army Cadet said...

It seems to be one’s personal agenda to single out one of the new Hall of Mock inductees for a supposed lack of credibility. After of course carefully weighing the supposed quality of all of the contributions of every member of the Hall, this person clearly thinks himself/herself a worthy critic. Fine; your opinion is yours, but I hope it was based on true credibility of your own and not simply an attempt to look unbiased. Sometimes in this kind of group, there will be one person or more who will pick a fight like this just to show he/she can do it behind the facade of being “fair” or unafraid to challenge a peer. It’s simply a different form of posturing.

7:55 am December, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I nominate Shithouse’s THE LADIES OF FLORIDA for HoH.

Doesn’t make much sense does it?

8:04 am December, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

It is disappointing that at this time of celebration, in a thread that should be dedicated to busting Stackhouse’s balloons for hopefully the last time ever, that things should devolve into a debate about who does/doesn’t deserve to be in the HOM. Just as KISS continues to be snubbed by the R&R Hall of Fail but somehow Abba and Herb Albert have been honored, it’s the Boss’s site and he makes the call on inductees. I’m honored to have been picked in my second year, but I’m sure there are some out there who think I post too much, and am not particularly funny, fresh, or observant. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Hopefully we all post because we enjoy it, because we think the common douche ego needs shoveling, not because we’re hoping for an honorary HoHo. Dicey brings a unique warmth and an intangible energy to her posts each and every time and I for one am proud to have been inducted in the same class with her. I’m looking forward to seeing even more of you newer Regs being inducted at the end of ’11.
.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, by “warmth and intangible energy” I mean boobies (The left one is named “Warmth”), and by “honored” I mean turgid.

8:05 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Allow me to settle this “discussion” on the “credibility” of Hall of Mock members, and whether or not any or all of us deserve to be there.
.
We in the Hall of Mock have EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE THERE BY PAYING OUR DUES, people. That is why we are in there.
.
If you are envious, resentful or jealous, then you need to man up and do what we did:
.
.
Write a check to “Jay Louis” for $120 for one year, or $200 for two years. I did the latter, because hey, I saved 40 bucks!
.
The price of mocking isn’t free; it’s a Buck O’ Five.

8:05 am December, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Here’s to hoping Stackhouse exits Stage Left a la Snagglepuss.

8:07 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse lubricates his anus with his own encephalic fluids.

8:07 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse deep fried a turkey in one of Plinky’s Mom’s back sores.
.
Medical Fact.

8:08 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has a motorcycle kickstand for a weenus.

8:08 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse flosses with lizards

8:09 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse has optic nerves in his nipples

8:09 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse discovered Tampa Bay in 1917, five years prior to Florida becoming a state.

8:10 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse turns that jelly right into spam

8:13 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse can only make left turns, and can command ferrets and dung beetles to swarm his victims and skeletonize them in less than 7 hours.

8:13 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse eats potting soil.

8:13 am December, 20 Wheezer said...

Hey, didn’t Miss Anonymous ask if we were still discussing RUSH? Because they kick ass and such.

8:13 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse’s left femur is an antler.

8:15 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Miss Anonymous has shotguns for nipples and blew off Stackhouse’s right knee while servicing him behind a Jitney Jungle supermarket.

8:15 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse downloads KY Jelly from iTunes

8:16 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse drives a ’32 Ford Shaft with a rusted muffler and a bear dick on the hood

8:16 am December, 20 soy bomb said...

I can’t wait to start production on my “DON’T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR SHARKBAG” line of bumper stickers.

8:17 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse lives inside a cow and makes macaroni sculpture for burn victims

8:18 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse fisted Barbara Mandrel at a Christmas party last year while Kenneth Starr and Walter Mondale looked on disapprovingly.

8:18 am December, 20 Wedgie said...

That reminds me, I guess I have to thank Mrs. Wedgie for giving that check to Jay. Hey, wait a minute…..

8:34 am December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse keeps a pygmy with a bone knife stashed in his chin in case shit gets serious

8:35 am December, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Soy Bomb, I’ll take two of those Sharkbag bumper stickers please. One for my car and one for my broom.

8:37 am December, 20 Deltus said...

@DarkSock: you… uh… you just have to write a check??!
.
I’ll be in the shower, trying to get clean… *sobs uncontrollably*

11:39 am December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

Stackhouse borrowed against the equity of his Facebook page so he could install a new hot tub in his chin dimple.

11:46 am December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

Stackhouse borrowed against the equity of his Facebook page so he could have rain gutters installed around his chin dimple.

11:47 am December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

Stackhouse borrowed against the equity of his Facebook page so he could be inducted in to the Hall of Mock.

11:49 am December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

Stackhouse borrowed against the equity of his Facebook page so he could buy up all of those “DON’T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR SHARKBAG” bumper stickers.

12:11 pm December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse borrowed against the equity of his Facebook page to buy a MySpace page.

12:11 pm December, 20 DarkSock said...

Stackhouse is John Mayer’s sole twitter follower as of last Tuesday.

12:37 pm December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

@Deltus
You feel dirty? Damn it, man. I gave up 60 bucks and an awkward, toothy blow-job in the parking lot, and I wasn’t even nominated.
.
You lied to me, Mr. Lewis

1:04 pm December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

@Mr. Lewis (aka Louis)
So I started looking closer at that busines card you gave me, and I noticed that you spelled your name differently. Why is that? That was you, right? In the orange van?
.
Right? No?
.
Oh….well, I guess I’m out 60 bucks then.

1:15 pm December, 20 Cam, The Left-Handed Jew Attorney said...

After researching this website, I have it on good authority that the one called “Darksock” is actually 7 different members of the Hall of Mock.
.
Possibly more.

1:28 pm December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Actually, they’re all Darksock. And “Darksock” is just an online alter-ego for Dick Cheney. He has to do something different these days to unwind– people frowned on him shooting old lawyers in the face.

1:35 pm December, 20 DarkSock said...

That is untrue. No one would frown on shooting lawyers in the face, regardless of their age.

1:59 pm December, 20 Long Time, First Time said...

Hey, I’m just saying that without a cute face and a pair of tits, Dicy isn’t getting into the Hall of Mock. One hit wonders don’t make the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. So, that’s how I feel about a single ‘bag tag.

2:05 pm December, 20 Curtis E Flush said...

@Long Time, First Time
It just occured to me that you are Dicy, and you’re just fishing for some affirmation that you’ve got nice titts and a cute face.
.
Yeah, you got it goin’ on! As a matter of fact, I’d take you to Taco Bell anytime. Just to warn you, I tend to get that hot sauce all over the place. Right, Nancy?

2:31 pm December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I now have a strategy for getting into the Hall. I’ll just continue posting the same shit i always do, but change my name and picture to fool you all into believing I’m a hot, young, stacked chick. Thanks, Long Time!
.
The rest of you HoM suckers, prepare to be infiltrated by an uncreative, unfunny, ugly dude! Ha!

2:32 pm December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Sorry– I meant another uncreative, unfunny, ugly dude.

2:33 pm December, 20 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I kid, I kid– some of you are creative and funny.

3:48 pm December, 20 Ghost of Pfah said...

Long Time, First Time:
.
Shut up.

4:27 pm December, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Late to the party once again…
.
@ Troy
.
I’m calling animal control if you even let your ferrets near anything Stacky related. That’s just animal abuse plain and simple. Oh, my mock has suffered as of late. The things I have to do to get a “permanent” job around this place that I work at…
.
@ new HoM members
.
Congrats. Keep up the good work. Next year’s dues will be even higher. I just found out DB1 accepts credit cards and now mine are all maxed out.

5:02 pm December, 20 Jurassic Douche said...

Congrats to Stacky, and by congrats I mean you suck.

7:37 pm December, 20 Long Time, First Time said...

Ghost of Pfah…
With a comment like that all you need is a cute face and nice set of tits to make the Hall of Mock! Good on ya, friend, good on ya!

7:43 pm December, 20 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I’m drunk and you’re fat, you wanna make out? Damnit!! I never get to make out with anyone(thing).

7:45 pm December, 20 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Scrotato Head…you crack me up on a regular basis…when your house isn’t burning down.
This site is hilarious, hugs and kisses y’all.

8:25 pm December, 20 Wedgie said...

I like Dicy, but I’m so shallow, it might not help her any. And I will just point out, she has bagged one more douchebag than I have, and I got in. And I am cute and have nice boobs, too. Only mine are pretty hairy, so don’t get your hopes up.

1:28 am December, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Dude, y’all need to calm down. Getting into the Hall of Mock is nothing to get all worked up about or strive towards.
.
The boss lets any blithering degenerate into the Hall of Mock as long as he/she posst incessantly and is really good at sucking up to a bunch of other like-minded losers. The Hall of Mock regs are only there because their real lives are so pathetic and devoid of meaning, they spend all their time constructing clever quips to impart on a site no one gives a crap about, so Jay throws them a bone out of pity so he won’t have to live with the guilt when they hang themselves out of desperation to escape their sad, sad lives. Their lifelong contributions have about as much transitory significance to the cosmos as a dog farting in the wind. Bunch of miserably dismal failures if you ask me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
wait…

3:20 am December, 21 Long Time, First Time said...

^ JD…. Those words are worth a thousand pictures.

4:34 am December, 21 Collaz B. Popped said...

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers have an upcuming gig on Stack’s chin.

Nobody played an SG like Frank Z, not even legendary Angus Y. Alex L., et al.

Yngwie, bag.
Saw him rip the living fuck out of a gold Stratocaster at SPIT on Strong Island NY, circa 1995.
He performed some Hendrix tunes for an encore – much better than the neoclassic stuff.

Flea’s bass amp rests on Stackhouse’s chin for better acoustics during live performances.

8:02 pm December, 21 online sex shop said...

That is the fantastic bunch of information really very appreciable job.I hope he doesn’t frequent the same clubs I do! Makes me ashamed to call him neighbor.

[...] A man so into his looks, woman, and partying, that has been deemed Douche Bag of the year by HotChicksWithDoucheBags.com : Jason Stackhouse [...]

7:46 pm December, 23 Douchble Helix said...

No mention of the Hot Chicks aka The Ladies Of Florida, Shithouse? The award for HCwDB was awarded to the wrong couple!!

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