Ask DB1: Collar Pop Quandry
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DB1,
I’m in a quandry, coming up soon is the anual boxing day cricket game my friends and I partake in.
And by cricket game I mean standing in the sun taking in the blistering heat and skinful of alcohol. Its the festive season its what we aussies do.
But here lies my problem, blessed with the genes of what round about equates to an albino, the sun becomes a problem. So and I’m ashamed to admit it, I pop the collar, which affords me a little extra protection for my milky white hide. Is this a valid excuse for this manouvre, or am I falling prey to the first symptoms of the virus?
Praise be Xenu,
– Crocodile Dun Douche
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Well Boxing Day has come and gone, so this advise may come too late, C.D.D. but the answer is this:
Collar Pop = Autodouche.
None shall pass inspection. Better to watch your pale ass roast under light of sun, then partake of douchal signifier.
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Sunscreen, jerk.
It is 15 degree’s here in ole’ Philadelphia….so on my mile walk home I am guilty of the collar pop to keep warm….oh well… Im a adouche at times anyway…I feel ya aussie man! Sunburn sucks
a cowboy handkerchief and ski mask might take care of the problem.
… okay you probably don’t need the ski mask.
Ski Masks are scary
I disagree with that DB1. Collar pop is ok if you don’t end up smiling in a photograph. If you hang out drinking in the shade and don’t try to attract attention or any other signifiers, then you get a pass in my book.
I mean, we just gave some smug asshole in a bolt-on-boobies harem a pass despite dog-tags that could only have been earned as Chief Tanning Engineer. Give a guy a break.
Collar Pop outside, in blazing sun, for protection: Notta.
Collar Pop inside, under any conditions: Autodouche.
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Or you could just get yourself a big floppy hat.
Nottadouche for the collar pop to protect from the sun’s harmful rays.
Wow DB1, way to promote skin cancer. Wow, just wow.
I think douchal signifiers require intent. Sure, it won’t hold in a court of law, but it does in a court of mock.
Wear a sun hat, to avoid becoming an asshat. And kudos to you for celebrating the box in such a special way. I’m jelly.
I’m not chiming in ’till I hear what the ‘baghunter known as “collaz b popped” has to say.
It’s spelled “advice”.
I think it depends on which collar you’re popping. If it’s a goose-down thermal jacket and the temps are below 20 degrees, it’s allowable. And you should add some ear muffs, a hoodie, a knit hat or scarf, and a ski mask if the wind chill is 5 degrees or less.
Of course I wouldn’t expect people in Florida or L.A. to understand, unless they fled the winterlands years ago to escape winter popping.
Unless you’re Dracula….no.
These Aussies are starting to be more annoying more than Elanor. If you have to ask it is douche. Why u mad mirin jelly boy? Cum on me!
By the way Nancy, I still love cockk and boys. Don’t forget it!
^Take away the second more. I don’t want the grammar police coming to get me.
By the way, correcting grammar on a website=autotard. Go be a teacher and correct papers if you want to correct everyones grammar.
If the collar is popped, the neck you must chop
@GGLBMF, Oh yeah! I knew it ryhmed with mock and toys. I hear you on the grammar police B.S. This isn’t school folks, its the interwebs! I vow to learn nothing here! My mom called, she wants her job correcting my papers back!
Anyway, did you hear Ryan Reynolds and ScarJo broke up. That means Ryan is free! TTYL, GGLBMF, who happen to be my new online BFFs.
You had me at cricket. Double fag. Grow a pair and get some vitamin D douche.
This question is posed as if there are no options for neck protection. Given the veritable cornucopia of functional neck protection – sun screen, tanning butter, turtlenecks, scarf, bandanna (not worn around the head), etc – collar pop is autodouche. This is like asking if you can wear a white belt because you need to hold your pants up or white framed sunglasses because your eyes are sensitive to the sun.
Well, Crocodile Dun Douche, now that you’ve taken an ass kicking…
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As a youth growing up in Soviet Socialist Republic of Massachusetts this time of year the “fashion” in my day was Levi cords, Topsider boat shoes (no socks even in 20 degree weather) and Izod golf shirts, untucked , in any position in the layering- collar popped, of course.
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Then one day you grow out of it. And by grow out of it I mean some hottie you’re banging changes your look. Happened to me. True story
Aww why ya gotta do that DB1? Do we need to go back to the basics? Douche is defined by preening and clothing specifically to attract the hott. This is a perfectly utilitarian use for the collar. Not to mention, I can’t imagine cricket games pull in the hotties, but what do I know. I’ve never been down unda.
So I say, go in peace, with the limit of one popped collar per outfit. I see pics of you with five collared shirts on at once, all collars popped, and jokes like “Is that a vagina around your neck or a bunch of popped collars?” will fly.
ehcuodouche 1:59 – intent abolutely does hold at a Court of Law. There’s a huge difference between first degree murder and involuntary manslaughter. Why do you think lawyers make the big bucks?
Well thanks for the advice. Later in the day, the collar was popped, in a strictly utilitarian manner I must say in my defense. As soon as I left the field down it went. To those who gave me a pass, thank you for your kindness, to those that didn’t, I hope one day I can make up for this.
@Darksock- I’m fucking close
@Reverend Kroeger- Don’t make me take the gray nichols out…
BULLSHIT. They got this stuff, it comes in a bottle. It’s called Sunblock. You can get it up to SPF 50, although, really anything over 35 is really just 35 in a different bottle. Anyway, you go to the store and buy this stuff and put it on your skin, and guess what? You don’t get sunburn! Unless you pop your collar and then don’t move a muscle, I don’t see a popped collar affording that much protection. Look at the color of the background these letters are appearing on. That’s what color I am. I mow a half acre of yard with a push mower by myself all summer. I have been an avid gardener for years. I ride [fucking] bikes all summer. And you know what? I’m 36 and haven’t been sunburned one bit since I was 18. That sunscreen is a miracle!!!!! Now go buy a bottle, you collar-popping douchebag, and quit asking us to excuse you for douchey behavior. It’s like asking a bunch of vegans to absolve you of eating veal chops.
just saw Bob Barker in a State Farm commercial and he was… ORANGE! like a carrot or a Sunkist navel orange… like jaundice, man… fricking scary as blood in yer poo orange!
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who’da thunk it, Bob Barker a carrot colored douche
proof that Bob Barker is an orange douche
Bob gets a lifetime “notta” pass for being awesome.
^@soy bomb, we all know this is you
Look out Nancy! There’s an orange douche checkin’ you out!
Of course, I would eat a veal chop in front of a bunch of vegans just to piss them off…
If you do not end with a smile in a photo. If you hang out and drink in the shade and try not to attract attention or other signifiers, so you get a pass in my book.
I bought half a dozen veal cutlets recently. I dispatched most of ‘em to my freezer, but the one I’ve eaten was excellent.
That’s all I’ve got.
@ Tall Guy
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Here’s all I got… The famous Pan’s People dancing girls from the 60′s BBC’s TV show “Top Of The Pops” dancing to my favorite Jackson 5 song- Mama’s Pearl. Baddest bass line Jermaine ever ran …
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… funny how those white girl dance line moves and pre-Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader outfits can make a dude’s id rumble into gear
I love that kinda ^ shit. Am I gay?
^^Now we’re talkin’…
Vin, if you’re gay, so am I.
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Little shiny turquoise shorts girl is probably 70 now but that didn’t stop me from transporting back 40 years…and pitching a tent.
@Vin, you are only gay if you have an urge to wear the same outfits…
I wish and hope you are gay Vin. We would have a glorious time. Your butthole would never be the same.
Aaahhhhaaaaa!!!!!
fooking ‘ell, Vin, that’s the biz, eh what? Really nice. Reminds me of how lucky I was to have grown-up when I did (which of course was among the non-douche Generation.
And I like what G wrote re. your gayness (or rather you non-gayness). Personally, I love watching William Shatner’s monologue of the Taupin/John song Rocket Man. It’s the greatest performance in the history of music, or something, as far as I’m concerned.
@soy bomb, In that photo, Nancy is orange as well. Stage 1 Bleeth! AAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Was soo drunk last night …..girlfriend would not let me in…..ended up in a $1,500 a night hotel
Was so drink last night,,,,, spilled a brand new box of Rice Chex on my wood floor…waited 12 hours to clean that. Difficult to clean the ones I stomped on.
COLLARS POPPED FOR ANY REASON IS UNACCEPTABLE ATTIRE.
One of the most obvious signs of douchery as far as clothing goes.
He’s a cockk.
Was soo drunk last night….slurped tha doodi P
Was soo drunk last night …..I woke up inside mah own asshole, and threw up in it….then I shit myself and my own vomit out all over my $1,500 corduroy ottoman….girlfriend would not wipe it up
Was soo drunk last night …..I peed my pants….they were still in the dryer.
i think auto for the popped collar on a sunny day is a bit hars and Pauly from Philly, i’m from baltimore, so i know how you feel when it’s fifteen degrees and you’re taking a walk, i do the same thing if i didn’t have a hood on… let’s face up to the facts, we’re all douchey at times and i’ll admit i probably am more-so than some other people, it wouldn’t shock me to see a pic of myself up here soemtime, i really good one, by which i mean a really bad one, one that makes me want to nominate myself for a douchie instead of crying to 1 to have it taken down, cause if you can’t laugh at yourself, don’t come crying to me when i’m laughing at you crying
in australia we would say ‘get a hat ya cunt!’