Monday, January 31, 2011

    Busher Von Chin

    Busher Von Chin has learned many lessons in his many years of chasing the Miami Hoochinas and their quality tight boobage.

    But first and foremost, Busher Von Chin knows that seduction comes down to one thing, and one thing only.

    Perfectly symmetrical pink silk mandana.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 31, 2011

    Carla and One Bro ™ Enjoy a Highly Contrived Beach Picnic

    Carla and one of The Bros ™ from last week’s HCwDB of the Week winning Carla and the Bros ™, is now enjoying a picnic with non-Sabio and often ignored “Guy on the Left.”

    Guy on the Left is one of the lesser douches from The Bros ™, a pud that received little mock upon initial appearance.

    Apparently feeling ignored, Guy on the Left is determined to make inroads in terms of mockworthy spectacle, by taking the Carla seduction to creepy and highly contrived levels.

    And so he lights votive candles.

    And unbuttons his creepy silk shirt.

    Numerous readers have lalso alerted me that Carla is the one and the same as featured in 2010′s legendary The Mountinis. As is Guy On the Left. But not Sabio.

    Woe, Canada, indeed.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 31, 2011

    Nunzio’s Abs

    Legend has it, Nunzio’s Abs once read the entire collected works of Jane Austin.

    Backwards.

    And in Swahili.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 31, 2011

    HCwDB of the Week: Ronnie the Rivethead and Woo Girl Kelly

    Last week was a week for visits from old friends.

    And by “old friends,” I mean legendary uberdouche mockworthy hyperpuds who deserve nothing but scorn and a good showering of epithets and mock. Like The King, The Starry Blight and Hello Kitty Hott, the legend that is Smoot, and we even found The Starhawk hangs with Hello Kitty Hott and The King.

    But amidst the classics, we found a new and distinct pud macking on hott in the douchiest of ways. Ronnie The Rivethead, and the tastiest of party girl woo hotties, Woo Girl Kelly.

    As reader DarkSock put it at the time:

    —–
    Ronnie, a veteran of the 2007 U.S. led invasion of Homoslavia, threw himself onto a Faberge’ Egg grenade to save his platoon. He lost the use of his left nut and eventually lost his taste for girls and barbeque; eventually diagnosed by the VA as suffering from Post-Dramatic Ass Disorder.
    —–

    DarkSock’s backstory is both metaphorical, as well as literal. Ronnie’s sagging pimple flesh and diaper, plus Woo Girl Kelly’s ridiculous hottness, was too toxic a combo to ignore.

    A well deserving HCwDB of the Week coupling, and the last of our entries before next week’s open vote for HCwDB of the Month.

    Also, props to Grampa Joel. Who still wins at the game of life. As well as Mahjong by the Ft. Lauderdale pool at 2pm.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Sunday, January 30, 2011

    Retro 80s Douchery: “Just One of the Guys”

    Very few embodied classic 1980s proto-baggery quite like the great 80s teen movie villain, William Zabka.

    How many early signs of budding choadal development can you find in this clip?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Saturday, January 29, 2011

    ‘Bag Bats Maru Refuses to Let Go of the “Grillz Era”

    Some douches give up the douchetributes when the disinfecting light of the collective mock is shined upon them (collar pop, hat tilt, etc.).

    Others, like former Weekly winner ‘Bag Bats Maru, refuse to give in.

    Grillz 4 Eva, ‘Bag Bats? And so we continue the mock.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 28, 2011

    Friday Thoughts and Links

    Your humble narrator is sleepy and hungover on this lazy Los Angeles Friday.

    Aside from discovering that The Starhawk and King D hang out together while wearing strange contact lenses, I notice something else. Inflatable Cleavite.

    I ponder the inner curve of cleavite as something that math, science and biology can never fully describe. For it is a boobie bobble of tender gnaw beyond words and facts. It is “metafondle.”

    Here’s your links:

    Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Are you kidding? He probably ate his folks!”

    The art of trolling, a pictorial story.

    Details asks Are you Raising a Douchebag? I think Denis Leary wrote the article.

    Tattoo Shirts. Still out there. Still scrotejuggle.

    One of our celebrity HCwDB couplings we’ve been tracking, Emmy Rossum and Adam Something from the Something Crows finally broke up. Back in November of last year. But since we don’t really care, it wasn’t that important.

    An excellent time waster if you’re bored, with quality writing, the The 50 Greatest Guitar Riffs in Rock. Props for including John Lee Hooker’s “Boom Boom.”

    HCwDB’s own Mr. Biggs has almost completed his epic graphic novel, Inferno. Check it out on Facebook.

    Follow The King on Twitter. He is a Knicks fan.

    Stoned Teenager Order Taco Bell in the Voice of “Elmo.” The kids are all right.

    How’s about a little beach pear for your Friday treat?:

    Ripped Jeans Beach Pear.

    A tantalizing reveal of all that is taut and fondle.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 28, 2011

    Old Man, Look at your Life

    I’m not a lot like you were.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 28, 2011

    Reader Mail: Melissa Went to High School With The Starry Blight

    —–
    First off, I want to tell you how much I love this site. It has brought me hours of tearful laughter and joy. I even had a Hot Chicks With Douchebags themed birthday party a couple years ago.

    Now, I went to high school with this douchebag. A few days ago a friend of mine that I went to high school with forwarded me the link to his Facebook page. It was amazing. Instantly, this website popped into my head.

    He was a skeevy little slimeball then, and it’s nice to see that not much has changed. The more things change, the more they stay the same right?

    -Dyed spiky hair? check

    -HUGE Tattoo of poor quality of his own name on his torso? Check

    -Overpriced outfits that scream “I’m just trying too hard?” Check

    -The same creepy cold serial rapist expression in every picture? CHECK!

    I would like you to understand how hard it was to just pick three pictures of this supreme douche nugget.

    Enjoy.
    - Melissa

    —–

    Excellent tag, Melissa. The Blight, aka “The King of Sears,” along with his tasty Bleethy Hello Kitty Hott, is fast becoming a scrotal legend.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 28, 2011

    Friday Haiku


    Blonde Hermoine
    Parties with “Hipster Potter,”
    Comicon just sucks.

    Slytherin house goes
    for soft pastels and scarves this
    year. Tim Gun shouts “Yeah!”

    – Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

    News for you Hipster
    “Free Tibet” bumper sticker
    Is made in China

    – Mr. Scrotato Head

    Green silk pants, hipster hat,
    Bogus scarf and bizarre tatt,
    Still bags blonde with frozen smile

    – Chris in ‘Baghdad

    Knob-Gobbler of Fire,
    he likes Chamber of Seacrest
    and head, he swallows.

    – Wheezer

    Tag team beat poets
    Ruining open mic night
    With clove scented smokes

    – Vin Douchal

    “Hottus Attractum!”
    “Hipsterbagus Nochanceus!”
    “Dejecto Choadum…”

    – Deltus

    She smiles warmly,
    hoping he’ll shut the f up
    about foreign films.

    – Mr. White

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    # posted by douchebag1
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