Saturday, January 29, 2011

‘Bag Bats Maru Refuses to Let Go of the “Grillz Era”

Some douches give up the douchetributes when the disinfecting light of the collective mock is shined upon them (collar pop, hat tilt, etc.).

Others, like former Weekly winner ‘Bag Bats Maru, refuse to give in.

Grillz 4 Eva, ‘Bag Bats? And so we continue the mock.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
12:12 pm January, 29 YES, THAT MUTHUFUCKA!! said...

FIRST! YOU SON’S OF MOTHERLESS GOAT FUCKERS!!1!

12:30 pm January, 29 Ted Brogan said...

This pic makes me want to flip a table over.

12:46 pm January, 29 Collaz B. Popped said...

What the fuck IS that?

12:48 pm January, 29 Stephanie said...

Little Jaws hopes he can make it into the next James Bond movie. How to make yourself really ugly tip # 18.

1:00 pm January, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Spock knew he should have left the time travel in the last movie. But he went back to the 20th century to create another half-breed before he got to old. He father’s ghost was unamused when he picked a human and the human was John Leguizamo. Son.

1:05 pm January, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Strangle it with it’s bling. Kill it now. The girls are not too happy to be with him again. Sad face wants to see if he realy did steal her watch. Green eyes is there to watch his teeth after what happened last time.

1:05 pm January, 29 doucheywallnuts said...

Bat Boy lives all grown up!
http://zerogossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/bat-boy.jpg

1:26 pm January, 29 creature said...

he can’t walk beneath high tension power lines

1:30 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

Kim’s grandson, Elmer Jong-il, had an unfortunate penchant for eat Ding Dong’s while they were still in their delicious foil ensconcements.

1:32 pm January, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Eddy Munster Douche and a pair of very apoplectic pseudo-hotts.
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I swear the one on the left is thinking, “Yeah, I know. Can you believe this shit?”

1:35 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

The gravity of the casket being opened for the viewing at the funeral was lost on Sherman Pot IV.

1:36 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

The Grilling Fields
.

.

.

… because DarkSock isn’t here yet.

1:37 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

“Yew rike mah bring, bish?”

1:37 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Return of Croosh! W00t!!1!!

1:38 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Pol Pot’s great grandson, Poo Pot

1:39 pm January, 29 Collaz B. Popped said...

Pseudo hottie has nice naturals. All she needs is a new hairdresser.

I’m not sure what the fuck that thing is standing in front of her.

1:42 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Ling Po learned a hard lesson about agreeing to an oral three-way with Medusa and some guy named Frank.

1:43 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

The identity of the town’s mysterious “Thermometer Fellationist” soon became clear.

1:45 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Chun Lee left little doubt in anyone’s mind who Iron Man’s biggest fan was.

1:46 pm January, 29 Luis Douchuel said...

Short Round was never the same after Indie left.

1:46 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Unfortunately, Mr. Fong’s lifelong penchant for eating lead chips had repercussions beyond dental issues.

1:48 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

The secret to clenching the World Eating Championship? Not pausing to unwrap the baked potatoes.

1:50 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

He also replaced his sphincter with a metal iris. Here you can see part of Fish Slap’s face from Bats Maru’s patented DildoCam™.
qre

1:52 pm January, 29 creature said...

warning to children, this what happens when you bite the thermometer

1:52 pm January, 29 creature said...

Kato is unable to give a gentle BJ

1:59 pm January, 29 creature said...

practicing felatio on aluminum bats has its’ pitfalls

2:13 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

William Hung learned a hard lesson about satisfying record execs with fetishes for condoms made of soda cans.

2:14 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

When he chews his food it sounds like an aluminum Recycling Truck offing its payload into an empty metal dumpster.

2:15 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

He has to floss with a 300 horsepower hemi-powered chainsaw.

2:18 pm January, 29 FoghornLeghorn said...

Marsha was dumbfounded after Sulu’s coughing fit spattered her bodice with cubic zirconia.

2:18 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

Actually, YES, THAT MUTHUFUCKA’S caption was the best…

2:30 pm January, 29 Crucial Head said...

We need more comments with the word “bodice.”
.
Heh heh…

2:32 pm January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

Give up the dream Asian Lil’ Wayne. Those chicks know he sucks. Their excessive eyeshadow tells me so.
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Or maybe his grill is just really intense braces because his parents couldn’t afford them when he was little so he had to get Braces Ultra. Ever thought of that before judging Who Flungpoo so hard you guys? No you didn’t , and neither did I and that’s why were all such good chums.

2:41 pm January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

^I meant Hu Flungpu, but you guys smelled what I was stepping in I’m sure.

2:44 pm January, 29 creature said...

I peed in a bodice once

2:56 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Mr. Ling was tragically killed weeks later when sparks emitted from his teeth and a cockk ring started a gel fire in his scalp.

3:13 pm January, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

You see Bag Bats Maru hales from a small indigenous rice-farming village in Myanmar. He knows there is a better life out there for him and throwing caution to the wind against the pleas of his family and village elders he decided to go for it. He went to work for one of the GT Triads working long hard days muleing opium through the bush for the local tribal drug lords. He keeps quiet and to himself, the drug lords like this and they also like that he doesn’t partake in the “Product” this they feel makes him trustworthy so they pay him extra.
.
On the rare days he’s not working he heads over the border deep into the Laotian jungle to one of the worker towns specifically built and run by the drug lords for the sole purpose of providing their workers creature comforts such as electricity, clothing, booze, air conditioning, comfortable sleeping quarters, women, western style neon clad bars & clubs, gambling and the ensuing bacchanalia.
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If you have never been to one they are quite impressive as the drug lords spare no expense to make these places appealing to their peasant worker mules stuck in the jungle for months at a time during harvest season also they know their workers, while not smart, will wind up blowing most of their money on said comforts which winds up going back into drug lords pockets.
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Like a moth to a flame, the lights, the sounds and the fashions of the local drug town mesmerize Bag Bats yet he doesn’t go there to waste his money or for the depravity he goes only to immerse himself in the western style cultures of clothing, accessories and music. His dream is to save as much money so he can one day make it to the States to live this dream. He had cousins (4 Prong & Prinze) who many years ago made it out of the jungle and use to keep in contact regaling him with stories of western style fashions, rap music, clubs etc; the likes of which he could not fathom. He still has the pictures they sent back then he uses as an impetuous to get out of this god forsaken jungle and take them up on their offer that if he ever makes it out to look them up as they will gladly show him what the “The Good Life” is all about.
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Well Bag Bats having just finished up his 7th harvest season finally had enough money saved and decided the time was now to chase his dream. He packed his bag with his prized possessions, his collection of John Wall & early Lil’ Wayne CD’s, the grillz, the bling etc; he had purchased through his hard earned work and said good-bye to his family, hopped on his vintage Suzuki motocross 250 and headed out on the 5 hour slog through the deep jungle for Vientiane and a long ass journey of connecting flights that would eventually lead him to the States. It was during one of his layovers he bought a book titled “How to play Winning Poker” by Scotty Nguyen. He was intoxicated by what he read and was easily able to absorb all of the knowledge Scotty was imparting.
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Finally having made it to Vegas he went about looking up his cousins (4 Prong & Prinze) whom he eventually tracked down and to his dismay found had devolved into garishly ambiguous narcisstic tools. He appreciated their hospitality but was dismayed by them. He stayed with them for awhile butt he had come this far and decided to head out on his own for there had to be something better to this dream. It was while walking forlornly down the strip that he saw a sign advertising a local satellite poker tournament, Scotty Nguyens book still somewhat fresh in his mind, he decided to give it a shot. He bought in with his hard earned savings and to his amazement he played quite well and that’s when it hit him that he could excel at this and hopefully make a name and a lot of money for himself.
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In a little over a year he was in the money having made several final tables. He realized this was home now and that playing poker was his destiny. The picture seen here is the one he sent his parents back home but what you don’t see is the inscription on the back that reads, “Look ma I made it! By the way Prinze & 4 Prong are idiots, yours truly Bag Bats”

3:25 pm January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

^ I might have to literally saw off that branch of the family tree if I ever found out I was related to 4P. Prinze looks Phillipino to me. (I know, they all look the same. Racisim, good times.) Anyways, excellent tale Et Tu? May I suggest “Always Bet on Bats” or “Bag Bats 1000″ for the title.

4:05 pm January, 29 Hermit said...

When Khuong’s new parents adopted the precocious nine-year old Laotian boy, their biggest concern was his ability to assimilate into Western culture. They never envisioned his slow descent into douchedom, and still more disturbing, his voracious appetite for Reynold’s Wrap® and aluminum siding.

4:34 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Because most girls enjoy getting cunnilingus from an electric can opener.

4:40 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

His Sonicare toothbrush is powered by a steam engine.

4:44 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

We must not alloy this to go unmocked.

4:45 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Instead we must forge ahead with our mocking.

4:48 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It will take an iron constitution to keep it up, but I’m positive we can cast away this abomination that society hath wrought.

4:48 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

We can not let this man steel our hotts from us.

4:50 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

We cannot let our mocking skills rust away.

4:52 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’m worried what this guy smelt like.

4:53 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

His girlfriend’s probably a slag.

4:54 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Or maybe he’s married to a ball and chain.

4:55 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It’s hard to stop looking at this guy. I guess you could say I’m riveted.

4:59 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

At least he’s trying. Constantly reaching for that brass ring.

5:10 pm January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

Look close, and you can see some of my pubes stuck in this dude’s grill.
BTW, I need some help , I can’t seem to activate my new avatar.

5:35 pm January, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Alright, I’m done. I’ve been hammering away at this joke for too long. There aren’t too many more metal related words I can weld together. Or at least none that haven’t already been coined.
.
I can’t tarnish my reputation like this, but instead I must act as a brazing force to draw us all together. To galvanize our purpose, and stamp out these douchebags. Because I’m no tin man. I may have nerves of steel, but I have a heart of gold.
.
So we must put our nose to the grindstone, find the chinks in their armor, and foil their plots to bore our hotts. And so we must press onward, never say die, and strike while the iron is hot.

5:39 pm January, 29 Lil' Fartknocker said...

I always knew Eddie Munster was a fucking douchebag.

5:55 pm January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

What up troll me @ 5:10p. Three words: Real fucking subtle. As I have previously stated many a time troll me, I require no avatar. If you want to use that one to distinguish yourself from me, have at it. That way I won’t have to point to you out. But since you seem to be hell bent on destroying the fine reputation I have built for myself, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do.
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How’s that whole learning how to post pictures and videos in your comments coming along? If I were a computer pro such as yourself, Id be pissed that I didn’t know how to do it. That must be frustrating for you, troll me. I hope its eating you up inside, because it looks like nooone wants to help you figure it out. Well, cheerio and good luck!

6:53 pm January, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I just want to say that not enough attention has been paid to the rack on the broad in the middle. That dress was made for titty fuccing.

7:02 pm January, 29 ehcuodouche said...

Dude is stoned out of his mind.

7:50 pm January, 29 Wedgie said...

I wonder if he will bust out a rendition of :Tuts My Barreh?”

7:55 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

I’ve heard of popping shrimp onto the grill, but not popping a grill onto the shrimp.

8:15 pm January, 29 tall guy said...

Hey Nancy Dreuche – the original (and best) one that is. I had the same type of trolling done to me a while back. Some idiot posted using my tag and repeated verbatim almost everything I posted. Some people, eh?

9:04 pm January, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Apparently BB is also refusing to let go of the lipstick era.
Oh, that’s blood from the grillz, you say?
My bad.

9:08 pm January, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Bag Bats wears a gay chastity belt…in his mouth, where else?

9:12 pm January, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Mr Spock transpondered: he wants Bag Bats to return his ear tips. He can stuff the grillz into Dr McCoy’s bag.

9:13 pm January, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Bag Bats is the virgin’s horror and the widow’s pique.

9:17 pm January, 29 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Bag Bats used to play percussion in a heavy metal rubber band.

9:56 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Bats learned the hard way that when Medusa says she’s pulling out Frank before she pumps the squirt bulb, she lies.

9:59 pm January, 29 Doc said...

“suck me off while I poo”?
.
Damn, Jacques; you go, Girl!

10:00 pm January, 29 DarkSock said...

Bats learned a hard lesson about the side effects of fellating mailboxes.

12:15 am January, 30 massengill said...

Nice to see Cruc–err, YES THAT MUTHAFUCKA!! back in action.
.
This guy is totally TV Johnny, and grillz are his fucking livelihood. There’s an interesting documentary that features him and his partner, Paul Wall, as well as everyone’s favorite chef, Raekwon, called Bling. It’s about rappers who go to Africa and learn about conflict diamonds, then come back to America to ignore the important life lesson they’ve learned and continue to buy blood diamonds.
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Regardless, Raekwon’s verse in Ghostface Killah’s hit Daytona 500 is totally heavyweight.
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“Lay back / Sell a grenade a day / it pays, black”
.
Indeed it pays, Raekwon. Indeed it pays.

4:13 am January, 30 G said...

‘Bag Bats loves to show off what’s left in his teeth after blowing the Silver Surfer.

6:16 am January, 30 Collaz B. Popped said...

Fellating mailboxes,,,,dinner with Frankie M.

FTW. lol.

Dreuche,,,thats quite the problem avavtar.

8:58 am January, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Tall Guy 8:15p, at least you just got your stuff reposted. You got off easy. I get someone posting completely the opposite of my actual personality. Its kinda funny its so over the top (In the above instance, literally over the top with the suggested avatar pic). I think of troll me as my online penpal. You know the kind you had in third grade, that always wrote back but told you nothing you wanted to hear about but they had better penmanship and spelling than you. Troll me is my third grade on-line penpal.
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And I’ve always been a fan on the O.G. Tall Guy. If I see your stuff posted twice again, I’ll chalk it up to a retarded Motorcycle Parts. At least regular MP remixes, like a cooler Denis Leary that everyone likes instead of hates. MP better patent your ish before its too late.

9:35 am January, 30 I R A Darth Aggie said...

The hotts seem uninterested.
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That’s deadly if you’re poo. Like Bats Maru.

12:12 pm January, 30 Wheezer said...

@Nancy (the real one) -
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Having a name troll is quite an honor. During my days on the old Yahoo news/message boards, I myself had one devout follower who took the time to create literally dozens, maybe even hundreds, of variations of “wheezer” in order to post racist, homophobic, etc. tirades. It was quite humorous to see posts from “vvheezer” (yes, with a double ‘v’), “wheeezer,” or perhaps even “wheezzer” extolling the virtues of Britney Spears or eagerly wanting to be Michael Jackson’s next sleepover guest.
.
As the kids say these days (though this may or may not be a direct quote):
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“if u got h8rz, ur doin somethin rite omggggg lol omg lolicopterz” — I will never know why they think that makes sense, though.

1:20 pm January, 30 Anonymous said...

Those are two snotty looking bitches next behind the hybrid of oddjob and jaws.
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shudder.

3:16 pm January, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Collaz B., you said it. Think of the back problems. Not worth it.

@Wheezer (the real one), hahahahaha, I wish I could have seen your Neverland wish-list posts from your troll. Hey, I wonder if your troll and my troll know eachother.
And you know what they say, haters gonna hate, ballers gonna ball, players gonna play…and gayers gonna gay or something to that effect.

3:56 pm January, 30 soy bomb said...

I don’t know what this is, but all I know is that I don’t like it.

6:55 pm January, 30 Elwood Blues said...

Bats looks like Eddie Munster. On Meth.

7:13 pm January, 30 Baron Von Goolo said...

“With publishers finally abandoning the Comics Code Authority in 2010, comic book authors felt free to once again use censored supervillains like Mister Fister, Doctor Vom Clamwich and The Glittering Blumpkin (see fig.1).”

8:26 pm January, 30 DarkSock said...

^I thought he was discarded Spiderman villain The Peen Gobblin’…

8:56 pm January, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Sock 1:42/9:56
Heh heh heh. Had to get Frank a refill after that little gobbler.
.
Croosh!!!! Where the fuck you been? I mean besides on the liver transplant list.
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I wonder if it hurts Bag Batz to eat. You know, like when you have a lot of fillings and you bite a ball of tin foil? Jus’ wondering.
.

4:37 am January, 31 Motorcycle Parts said...

All she needs a new hairdresser.I’m not sure what the hell it is standing in front of it.

5:39 am January, 31 Jean Luc Scrotetard said...

I was thinking they brought back Hirohito as a Cyborg

7:22 am January, 31 MoeDouche said...

WTF? Is this guy for real? I mean. Can it be a more misguided attempt at luring hotties than with a newly minted grillz!

7:31 am January, 31 MoeDouche said...

Oh well, I just reconsider it and I believe that the Asian Grillz has some use in this world: With his tiny grillz he can trim a hottie’s beaver.

8:17 am January, 31 Captain Garanichode said...

But I know Edgar
and that wasn’t Edgar.
.
It was like
something was wearing Edgar.
.
Like a suit
.
An Edgar suit.
.
Dude was that ugly
before he was an alien

2:44 am February, 1 charlie sheen said...

this douche is a jewler to rap stars in houston. ive meet him at a party REAL DOUCHEY…..thinks he runs houston cause hes made some wack ass jewlery for dumbasses…..

10:35 am February, 1 Andy Capp said...

Now when charlie sheen thinks you’re a douche…

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