Thursday, March 31, 2011

    Marty The Douchey Picture Frame Guy


    If you ever wondered what the picture would look like that comes with a picture-frame bought in a really douchey-ass picture frame store, now you know.

    Larry from Three’s Company wants his patented chest hair reveal back.

    Tasty young Consuela has nowhere to run from this gringo onslaught. Next thing she knows, they’re sharing a Snuggie.

    EDIT: Turns out Marty the Douchey Picture Frame Guy has a second job as one of the morning D.J.s on Washington D.C.’s Sports Junkies radio show. In case the douchey picture frame modeling business dries up.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, March 31, 2011

    Cries and Whispers and Joey Poo

    It was Swedish auteur Ingmar Bergman who explored the use of a distinct cinematic language of stylized existentialism to paint themes of the psychological crisis of meaning.

    It was Joey who left the seat up in the bathroom at Koi.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, March 31, 2011

    Hyman Lickowitz

    Hyman Lickowitz has one thing to say to the kids: Dry, lifeless hair can take the fun out of your life. But you can put it back with Brylcreem!

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, March 31, 2011

    The Greasepitz Pump Each Other Up (Via Stacy)

    Woke up.

    Fell out of bed.

    Dragged a comb across my hea-… GAH!!!

    The Greasepitz.

    Still out there.

    Still pretending to be interested in tasty bottle blonde giggle gnaws like Stacy.

    Still smelling like shoeleather and displaying toxic Groin Shave Reveal.

    Too much too early. I blame last night’s tasty microwave Trader Joes burritos for this pic. And my poo.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    Major Havoc Shirt Guy Runs With The Goose

    There’s not really much to say about Major Havoc Shirt Guy and Suzie running with the Goose, except that it brought back a pleasant memory from your humble narrator’s childhood.

    That period, in late 1984, when I owned Major Havoc at Cambridge’s late, great “1001 Plays.”

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    Reader Mail: Willem’s Rappercrud Tag

    ——
    Subject: Utter D-Bag

    This photo is of a cute friend and her utter d-bag boyfriend. He is such a d-bag it is almost is if he is trying to make an ironic statement about douchebaggery but unfortunately for her he is way too dumb for that.

    The best part is that he thinks he’s rapper.
    - Willem

    ——

    That “video” may be the more reprehensible slice of humanity fail I’ve seen since the Criss Angel music career crisis of the late 2009s.

    The Wankstabag category continues to be the most infuriating and perplexing, as hiphop wigga suburban shitestains long ago crossed into pathetic self parody and part time employment at Carl’s Jr. Tasty Barely Legal Belinda deserves far better. I scornfully reproach the failure of her parents as she complains about her struggling career as a custom jewelry designer, then stare at her pokey sideboob when she’s busy removing the swizzle stick from her appletini.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    Sven and Silvia say, “Welcome to Olten-Zofingen!”

    “Ze whistle is for when ze party is truly out of ze control!”

    Meanwhile, Woody Allen contemplates suing Sven and Silvia for illegally stealing the set design for the brain sequence from 1972′s Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid To Ask. What? Too obscure?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    Caption Omar’s Thought

    “Is the shortest distance between two points still a line in a four dimensional curved universe? And why is there a red bump on my peepee?”

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 30, 2011

    Mister Zebracrotch

    Interesting footnote to history, Pablo Picasso was originally nicknamed “Mister Zebracrotch.” But Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

    The Orangenesss is strong in Granddaughter Karnie. She must resist the genetic impulse, or rampant boatbaggery will soon ensue.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, March 29, 2011

    Maceo Discovers His Thumb

    Maceo like thumb.

    It help him pee.

    Kendra has crazy eyes. But don’t pretend it wouldn’t stop you from buying her a fourteen dollar Mai Tai. Because it wouldn’t. And you know it.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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