Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    Grinny McWad Lika De Boobiez

    Chariza and Nicole lika de credit card that Grinny McWad lika to pay with.

    I hava no reason why I’mma writin’ lika this.

    Maybe izza de Trader Joes cookies.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    Lonnie and the Kelly Sisters Hang In The Boiler Room

    No, it’s not a new club that just opened.

    It’s the boiler room. Of the nearby Initech office complex.

    That’s where Lonnie takes his bitches after a hard day of work D.J.ing at Cheetahs during the breakfast buffet shift.

    Because Lonnie don’t got no cash for all that expensive “clubbin” and shizz.

    Boiler rooms.

    Where it’s at, yo.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    Mandatory F.D.A. Douche Labeling

    Hmm, it’s an idea.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    The Holy Stomach Pooch of the Iroquois Nation Gets Tri-Macked

    Little known fact: The first settlers to arrive in Arizona were douchey college pudwacks.

    They leave that out of the history books, don’t they?

    Fascists.

    Yes that little hottie getting tri-macked is “Dances to Dangermouse,” lithe sister of yesterday’s The Holy Breasteses of the Iroquois Nation (note The Asian Design Major has migrated).

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 31, 2011

    Tatt Owl Hoots A Question

    Tatt Owl: How many ‘bag signifiers does it take to get to the heart of a Tootsie Hott?

    The answer, as we all remember, is three.

    Sneery attitude, bad tatts and stupid hats for the societal loss.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 30, 2011

    On the Wings of a Pud

    ‘Bagling Barney, bordering on the nottadouche (but not getting it) sure knows how to pull the barely legals.

    One tatt.

    Carefully placed.

    And a part time job at Cost Plus. Get it while the gettin’s good, ladies.

    I see you Annie Hall giggly Ashley in the back. I would launch firecrackers from an enraged rhesus monkey’s swollen nadsack anus during mating season just for the chance to fondle your ruksack and lederhosen with a chomple boobie butt fondle gargle spinsack touchey poke.

    Think the last part of that sentence just got away from me.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 30, 2011

    Worst Stepfather Ever

    Candi’s son, little Billy, is home alone right now, trying to fall asleep, and talking to his Snoopy nightlight like it’s his real father who will some day come and rescue him.

    Too depressing for a Tuesday?

    I blame the Malomars.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 30, 2011

    Caption This Pic

    After the Green Latern failed to perform at the box office, “The Choad Warrior: Beyond Thunderboobs” represented a new thematic direction for Warner Brothers and Marvel Studios, or as Stan Lee called it, “Boobs.”

    EDIT: For those who can’t take the garish nihilism of this pic, have some Undies Pear. And then caption that pic as well. With “Pear.”

    EDIT: Okay this thread is too damn hilarious not to highlight a few captions. In no particular order:

    ehcuodouche: Q: Who runs Douchetown? A: Leathervest Fwippyhair Tirechainnecklace runs Douchtown!

    UFO Destroyers: Casual Fridays were never the same.

    Douche Wayne: “The Grind” took a nasty turn when it was moved to MTV7 (Berlin).

    wonderdouche twin: “Dumbass Dancing” a fun hip new take on an American Classic.

    Wedgie: One and a Half Men.

    Anonymous: The Girl With Fag an’ Tattoos

    Baron Von Goolo: Each of their genital piercings is a broken half of the same heart. It’s really very charming when you think about it.

    Some longer posts were even more genius, but gotta keep it short up here on the main. For laughs, read the whole thread.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 30, 2011

    The Holy Breasteses of the Iroquois Nation

    From Friday Haiku Pocahontas Hotties to a Pocahontas Cutie, to way back in the site’s early days when we had Pocahontas II: Electric Bagaloo, we’ve had many Native Hottmericans.

    But the Holy Breasteses of the Iroquois Nation best them all with beads and maze.

    The Asian Design Major that Bree almost married still plans to go to Stanford for grad school.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 30, 2011

    Melky Uses Sense Memory To Pretend to Vomit on Ilene

    As the great method acting teacher Lee Strasburg once taught, “Emotion comes from the soul. Douchebags come from Vegas.”

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    # posted by douchebag1
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