Wednesday, February 29, 2012

    Hot Chick with Sarah Jessica Parker

    Yeah, it’s Wednesday and I got nuthin’.

    Time for your humble narrator to head to the kitchen, pile up a Turkey and Swiss, and down it with a Mr. Pibb and a tasty side dish of still-in-production Hostess Cherry Pie.

    And a gander at a pear chomp suckle boobie hottie suckle thigh don’t hurt neither.

    Beat that last sentence, Homi Bhabha.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 29, 2012

    Coleman Goes to Vegas

    Between Coleman’s eyeliner and Suzy’s lack of sandwich consumption, lets just move on.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 29, 2012

    Mickey The Polyp Buys Savannah A Drink and Shames Her Ancestors

    Lessie… count ‘em.

    Greasytracks, chin fung, Jesus bling, stupid face, moob shirt, all make Mikey the Polyp a retched excuse for Jerz Guid.

    Savannah’s taught leather dress calls for feline metaphors and a vat of Crisco.

    Yonder hills are filled with helium and shame.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, February 29, 2012

    Gro?

    Wristdannas for the societal punch-in-the-nads.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 28, 2012

    Ask DB1: Pre-Grieco Viral Infectors?

    ————–
    DB1,

    We say that douchebags are infected with the “Grieco Virus”. Since science has shown that the AIDS virus in fact existed long before it was identified and named, is it possible that there are unrecognized precursors to the Grieco Virus?

    Who if anyone pre-dates Richard Grieco as proto-douchebag?

    Can a “First Douchebag” be, at least in theory, identified, just as the first AIDS victim was found to be that male steward from the 70s?

    Yours as always in endless opposition to the ‘taint,
    - Dan

    ————-

    Excellent question Dan, and yes, there are many pre-modern viral progenitors to the Grieco Virus, although none so fully cohesive as the Grieco Itself.

    One example would be Schneider the pedophile janitor from ABC’s long-running sit-nanity, One Day At a Time. Protobaggery at its worst.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 28, 2012

    Timmy Wins!


    Thank you, God!

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 28, 2012

    Svenhead is a Boobie Sensor

    Warning: Svenhead should not be used in the presence of heavy machinery. If you experience a Svenhead lasting more than four hours, be sure to consult your doctor. Svenhead should not be taken after eating Italian food. Svenhead does, however, enjoy melons.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 27, 2012

    Coldplay Sucks


    I have never liked the band Coldplay.

    Preening Aryan Chris Martin’s musical pablum is generic chord vomit, a eugenics based fascist musical regurgitation of melodic spew. A computer program of inoffensive “hit” generation. If A$=minor chord, print “emotions sway like ecstasy.”

    But is Chris Martin a douche?

    So far, no. With Rock Star Leniency combined with his apparent refusal to spectacle himself into a clown like compatriots like Gavin Rossdale, along with his apparent responsible dad skills, means I can only hate the game and not the player.

    Which pisses me off.

    I’m watchin’ you, generic fraud for the millennial set. Your teenage weepsterbation is a societal crime. And it shall not pass.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 27, 2012

    Caption This Pic

    Kelly was shocked to discover that the aroma of ‘roid sweat did not mix well with Tequila.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 27, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: The Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake

    Last week we had Herpsters and Fungwadius. Another appearance of orange legend, The Cheeto Man. We had Wittgensteinian philosophy and He Da Bes.

    We even had a touring Assikus Anonymous. Which you should never do before eating.

    But no coupling was more real world rancid than the Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake.

    For making me want to punch a baby seal in the uvula, they’se the last coupling for the upcoming HCwDB of the Month next week.

    But now, your hungover narrator cleans up the Ubiquitous Red Cups over by the Alpaca feed after last night’s Oscars festivities, and enjoys a tasty Pop Tart.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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