Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Breitbart Dies

Two weeks ago, the raging gasbag known as the Breitbart was our Honorary Douchebag of the Month.

Now he’s dead.

I try not to make sarcastic cracks about the recently deceased, especially those with kids. But I’ll reserve mourning for those who deserve it.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
7:48 am March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

43 and “natural causes” = sauna in Thailand. And who is this guy again? May he RIP.

8:13 am March, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Autoerotic asphyxiation. Hanging from the ceiling fan by a pair of pantyhose with your pants around your knees is no way to go out, son.

8:32 am March, 1 DouchYouWannaDance said...

While I cheer no man’s death, Breitbart’s reputation as a deceptive political hack with little regard for the truth was well earned.

8:53 am March, 1 Justin said...

Fuck him. Have y’all seen this clip of him freaking out at some Occupy hippies?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gJlOz7bVb0

8:55 am March, 1 Willie said...

What’s wrong with what he said? Those occupy idiots are lazy commies.

8:56 am March, 1 Doucheywallnuts said...

If being a deceptive political hack put someone on the short list to die early George Stephanopolous, Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann and Jimmy Carville would have left us long ago.
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That being said, the news of someone dying young always reminds me of the day Bobby Darin went to the great band box in the sky. I was with Sinatra, Jilly Rizzo, Buddy Lester and Sam Giancana in Palm Springs watching a homemade Scat Flick featuring Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme. While the site of Eydie giving it to Steve with a strap one while he crapped himself didn’t turn my stomach the way the news of Bobby Darin dying did.
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Steve and Edyie were the biggest Frank suck-ups ever and would do anything to please the Chairman of the Board. One time Giancana told them that if they whacked some low-level mo-mo from Atlantic City that Frank would let them open for him at the Hollywood Bowl. Being that Eydie was the real muscle in that act, she strangled the guy with her Cross-your-heart bra and took one of his eyeballs and his thumbs and sent them to Sam in a candy box. Steve pissed himself before passing out in the car in the ride to Newark Airport. It really is no surprise that he liked getting canned by Edyie.
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Like I said, sad day when a young guy dies.

9:02 am March, 1 Justin said...

@willie… you are probably right, but that “behave yourself” behavior will give any jackass a heart attack. Just sayin’.
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Dead at 43

9:08 am March, 1 tall guy said...

Death is always sad. This http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/29/davy-jones-dead-singer-monkees_n_1310769.html included.

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RIP
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Respect. Son

9:11 am March, 1 Willie said...

@Justin- two words “Michael Moore” :)

9:15 am March, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Who? .
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Now, since celebrity deaths seem to come in “three’s” after two pass do guys like Ernest Borgnine and Abe Vigoda shit themselves until the third one appears? Or does Whitney Houston count as number one in this equation.
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Or for that matter , was Breitbart a celebrity outside of his little circle of minions? Does this count as number 2 or 3?
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DoucheyWallnuts is on fire this week, on fire I say’s

9:16 am March, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Can’t say I disagree with what Breibart said after Ted Kennedy choked out:
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In the hours immediately following Senator Ted Kennedy’s death, Breitbart called Kennedy a “villain”, a “duplicitous @#!*% “, a “prick”[16] and “a special pile of human excrement… from wiki

9:17 am March, 1 troy tempest said...

He couldn’t live without Davy Jones.

9:23 am March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

Doucheywallnuts is MC’ing my wake. Death by Cross your Heart bra FTW.

9:32 am March, 1 Southern Scrotic said...

So is the girl now available for parties?

9:57 am March, 1 Lady Godiva's Piebald said...

fuck brietbart alive or dead. sorry, i don’t have that superstition. he would either be a total rando who died that i never knew, knew of, or heard about dying, or the scumbag he was. the only context i have for this feces is negative, so why fake the funk?

that said, if as is rumored, and obama did off him secret ninja oj style, i hope that the suv obama uses in his low speed chase is a hybrid, because its always about setting the example.

hannah giles panty sniffers.

10:00 am March, 1 Lady Godiva's Piebald said...

will davy jones be buried in a locker?

how do you not request burial at sea when your name is davy jones?

sleepy skinny jeannes

10:25 am March, 1 DarkSock said...

I new I’d heard that name somewhere…
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He must’ve been the guy that fell out of my boat last night when I veered to miss Grasshopper Island. Again.
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Gilligans.

11:26 am March, 1 Douchble Helix said...

Fuck ‘em.
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I despise the intellectually dishonest.

11:26 am March, 1 Douchble Helix said...

Oops..
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Fuck ‘im.

11:30 am March, 1 DoucheWeasel said...

For what it’s worth, Breitbart did outlive the Occupy (cause you’re too lazy to do real work) [bowel] Movement..

And he helped get Drudge Rept and Huffinton Post off the ground.

The only contribution those “urban duds”p-wearing, iPad and Mac using herpsters ever made was to create a reason to re-sod a few parks…

12:46 pm March, 1 Retard said...

Is it just me, or did that sound like a threat:

“Two weeks ago, the raging gasbag known as the Breitbart was our Honorary Douchebag of the Month.
Now he’s dead.”

So shape up, or else you’ll be the next Honorary Douchebag of the Month. Son.

12:50 pm March, 1 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

Mr. Wallnuts, I would like to buy your book. When does it come out?

1:14 pm March, 1 ItTwasFun said...

And politics has managed to slither in and sully my once daily habit of checking up on this site. It’s been fun.

3:12 pm March, 1 Wedgie said...

Uh-oh. HCwDB curse, just like being on the cover of S.I.’s College Preview issue guarantees you won’t with the big one. Only in this case, you bite the big one.

3:13 pm March, 1 Wedgie said...

I’d consider using that photo on my tombstone. Probably the hottest chick he ever got next to.
Just sayin’.

3:14 pm March, 1 Wedgie said...

Wait, I didn’t mean on my tombstone. I meant on his. ‘Cuz everyone knows I’m using a photo of India Allen on mine.

3:23 pm March, 1 Stephanie said...

He died of what little his brain could handle then that brain went into a spin and crashed like one of my old hard drives.
One less irritating conservative,now,how many more to go?

6:12 pm March, 1 Byron in Wahroonga said...

***I try not to make sarcastic cracks about the recently deceased, especially those with kids***

Uh huh.

Keep workin’ on that sincerity, lib.

6:14 pm March, 1 Byron in Wahroonga said...

***Cuz everyone knows I’m using a photo of India Allen on mine***

Haw haw. Hey, watched any ‘Joanie Loves Chachi’ reruns lately? They could have used that one.

6:32 pm March, 1 Guid is Good said...

Spooky.

7:43 pm March, 1 troy tempest said...

He died wanking.

10:10 pm March, 1 Donkey Doosh said...

Wow, knock a man who left behind four kids

I’m starting to think the dickheads who point out you’re a bunch of jerkoff losers who couldn’t get laid in a cheap whorehouse are right.

Hasta la vista, fuckheads.

10:40 pm March, 1 Nostradouchus said...

HCwDB has officially become apocalyptic. Zyzz and now B-bart? I bet the Belie-barts will blame Obama.

10:58 pm March, 1 Mr. Biggs said...

As Karl Marx said, “I don’t mourn the death of everyone who passes.”
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Aside from that, I would try cultivating this death touch you seem to have, DB1.

11:00 pm March, 1 Mr. Biggs said...

Oh, and “unexpected natural causes” FTW. They even gotta spin his coke and whore death.

3:38 am March, 2 Wedgie said...

Guys named Byron are almost universally gay.

5:35 am March, 2 Byron in Wahroonga said...

***as Karl Marx said***

Typical lib: ‘someone died, what would Karl Marx do?’

7:08 am March, 2 Scrotewank Jones and the furry furry Douchetrots said...

How about a little honesty and courage in the title:

A guy I disagree with on a political level died, so now I am happy.

1:20 pm March, 2 Wedgie said...

You would have survived it if you’d taken the trouble to insert a gyroscope in your monkey hole.
Free health tips from Canada.

4:10 pm March, 2 boom said...

you know, i appreciate mocking douches and hipsters (hipsters ESPECIALLY You walking reason for partial – no make that FULL – birth abortions) but i dare any 99% ( of America’s most spoiled children) to find any proof that anything he said is a lie.

you’re like the chick whose boyfriend constantly cheats on her and then says ” yeah but he loves me”. you want to be lied to by liberals, fine but then don’t be surprised when those lies screw you over.

RIP brother. you’ll be missed ( by people that hold jobs, don’t live in mommy and daddys basement and wash regularly).

8:14 pm March, 2 Buster Keaton said...

You guys are the douchebags. Chances are that guy got killed for having compromising infos about your dear “NDAA signing, teleprompter reading, mega bank financed, cocksucker tyrant” Obama.

The mass media were urged to claim that he died of natural causes only a few hours after his death. No autopsy, no real medical verdict.

11:11 pm March, 2 Wedgie said...

^Totally true. It was a fuccen conspiracy.
Wells Fargo paid for it.
J.P. Morgan Chase brokered it.
Bank of America underwrote it.
And Larry, Curly and Moe carried executed the plan perfectly.

11:12 pm March, 2 Wedgie said...

I really love Word Press.

7:52 am March, 4 Lil' Fartknocker said...

@DW…did you and/or any of the Rat Pack ever cross paths with Robert Edward “Bob” Crane? Sure sounds like Steve and Eydie could have been social butterflies between the two cliques.

5:12 pm March, 4 Hunter S. Douchebag said...

Breitbart was a stone punk, a cheap fixer, and a man-child who always had an eye for the Main Chance (read: one more shot on Fox News).
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That being said, GODDAMN that boy lived it all with the hammer down. He always drove for the basket with his elbows up, willing to break a couple noses on his way to the layup.
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Sure he had more than a few places to dump his fetid “exclusives”…Hell, nobody in America ever goes broke speaking Comfort to Power. Fox and Drudge and Rushbo the Hutt all wanted the poison pen work that Andyboy brough to the table.
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Too bad that the defining moment and key motivator for the little toad was his rejection by Big Hollywood. If he had broken through and become Michael Bay’s Second Buttboy, we might have been spared all the strum and drang of Andy’s various “journalistic projects.”
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Yet, he finished a distant second to Wild Pat Buchanan for Best Right Wing Drinking Partner. Pat’s funny as hell after five fingers of whisky. Andy just whined like a jilted lover. And that’s the difference between a Joyful Warrior and a Whining Douchebag.
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Sleep tight, Andy. You knew for over a year that you were a heart attack waiting to happen, and you did not back off on the throttle. You blew it out like James Dean, Andy. Maybe that’s for the best.
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I mean, who wants to have to make the choice of blowing off his brain-pan in his 60′s, brain addled from too many drugs, and racked with pain? For my money, Andy douched it to the max all the way to the grave.
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Expect Tucker Max to blow out in a similar fashion before his 45th birthday.
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Res ipsa loquitur.

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