Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday Haiku

Behold Rocker Todd:
Knows how to make barre chords, but
Can’t put on a shirt

Glenn Danzig Old Bag
Instead of singing “Mother”
Brings her to next gig.

– Douche Wayne

Leather, mesh, hair, dirt
Reminiscent of one thing
My bathtub’s drain hole

– Justin

Hercules, Xena
Have seen better days than this

Now battle the herp

– Dude McCrudeshoes

It places the shirt
In the basket or it gets
The hose. Her skin hose.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Ratt. Jackyll. Great White.
Best animal names taken.
Meet Marmoset.

– Baron Von Goolo

Yeah, I’d tap that hott.
I’d flop like a fish in nets.
Freeing butterfly!

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

twenty-six reds and
a bottle of wine should take
care of Rocker Todd

– Douche Springsteen

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
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# posted by DarkSock
Links n' stuff:
6:31 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Glenn Danzig Old Bag
Instead of singing “Mother”
Brings her to next gig.

6:32 am April, 27 Scooby Douche said...

Metal band “El Bano”
Includes tranny Chaz on drums
Chin fung is roadie

6:32 am April, 27 Justin said...

Dreamcatcher necklace?
More like nightmare on douche street
Let’s end this franchise

6:36 am April, 27 Justin said...

Enormous chin pubes
Like bush on 80′s porn star
Maybe it was hers

6:36 am April, 27 saulgoode42 said...

Rock group “El Bano”
Literally means “bathroom”
Coupla turds here

6:36 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

What’s that creaking sound?
Could it be her leather pants?
Nope; his leather skin.

6:38 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Oldbag Chester hopes
Dianabol Cocktail still works
Fran Drescher got old

6:38 am April, 27 Justin said...

Leather, mesh, hair, dirt
Reminiscent of one thing
My bathtub’s drain hole

6:39 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Rockerbag denial
Tigress Vanessa Del Rio
can still guzzle jizz

6:43 am April, 27 Justin said...

Two sad, old rockers
Desperately clinging to youth
Go put kids to bed

6:44 am April, 27 Justin said...

Big hair, bigger boobs
She has some nice tits well.
See how I did that?

6:44 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Fred Durst is the best!
Les Paul? Never heard of him.
Let’s cover “Nookie.”

6:46 am April, 27 saulgoode42 said...

In the studio
Wih the artist and his muse
Nipple solo – yow!

6:46 am April, 27 Justin said...

Crusty pizza box
Captain Lou Albano’s box
Dirty groupie box

6:48 am April, 27 Justin said...

damn…I forgot the “as”
.
Big hair, bigger boobs
She has some nice tits AS well
See how I did that?
.
much better

6:50 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

Nothing But The Best,
For The Least Amount Of Cash,
That Blue Makes Me Sick.
.
ASvB

6:52 am April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sometimes it’s bad luck
Just seeing something like this
To quote Bill Murray

6:54 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

She has a flare up,
It’s time for some quick thinking,
Unpack the Valtrex.
.
ASvB

6:57 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

The vent is broken,
It smells like ball-sack in here,
And rotten fish eggs.
.
ASvB

6:59 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Local armory
holds wrasslin’ Friday nights
Defending title
-
-
Different Tact

7:01 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

^ Tack

7:01 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

He knocked, and walked in,
She quipped, “Please, take your shirt off.”
He wasted no time.
.
ASvB

7:02 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hercules, Xena
Have seen better days than this
Now battle the herp

7:03 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Smells like Teen Spirit?
Not for several decades
There’s moss on his stones.

7:05 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He can’t wear chest shirts
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.

7:07 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Whatch ya mean I look
Stupid like Stephen Baldwin”
I got fucking abs.”

7:09 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And lo’ the Banshee cry
Of old Aldor screams heavy.
“Hey, got any Pepcid.”

7:11 am April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Years later stuck in
Still trying to cash in as
School of Rock Loser

http://nate-becky.blogspot.com/2008/02/i-found-sleeve-only-guy.html

7:13 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bumper sticker on
Tour school bus says. “MY OTHER
SHIRT IS A FRONT, SON”

7:16 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The rules of the road don’t
Change much. “ASS. GRASS, OR SHIRT NO
BODY RIDES FOR FREE.”

7:17 am April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Todd forgot to wipe
chin turd groupie left behind
when she rode his face

7:19 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Rocker Todd don’t care
About getting holes in pants. Makes
Patches from his shirt.

7:24 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The kingdom of Farto
Is safe with the return of King
Chest and Lady Boobies.

7:29 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Backstage at Mr.
Blackstone awards. They win “Most
Shirted/Unshirted”

7:30 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Great pic dude. Next one
I think we should shake it up.
Let me see you’re cocks.”

7:31 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Gyroscope? Hell, no.
I’ve seen nicer monkey holes
On Nat Geo site.

7:33 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

Look at what I found
Hiding in the Ladies Room
A Pier One Carpet

7:36 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

Nothing more to see
Glamour Shots for rocker douche
She is just a prop

7:37 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Exiting shower,
Jon Bon Douchi breaks his hip;
Slippery when wet.

7:38 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Eat hearty of your
Closet breakfast for tonight
We dine in Hall.” Son.

7:39 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

What grows on his chin
Has to do with where its been
Munching nasty rugs

7:42 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

He asks the question,
Wanted Dead or Alive? We
all know the answer.

7:43 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It places the shirt
In the basket or it gets
The hose. Her skin hose.

7:45 am April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

Escapees from The
Island of Dr Moreau
Hiding in plain sight

7:47 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

A proud day for Mutt
holding his GED cert.
first of his cave clan

7:56 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

“Three chords and the truth”
Traditional punk mantra
Todd just lies, lies, lies.

7:58 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Banger reality
Shows. “Who’s Got My Damn Shirt.” and
“Don’t Forget The Wipe.”

8:01 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Humunkulous and
Boobzilla” Coming Soon in
Scatch and Sniff 3-D.

8:09 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

It’s patient zero
Monkey pox epidemic
With catheter nurse

8:11 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Too cool for the room
Seems it’s contagious in here
Later, “Fries with that?”

8:11 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The new Mad Max flick
Staring Mangler Jackson in
Beyond Pornodrome

8:12 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^two men enter, two men leave, yo…

8:13 am April, 27 B.A.G. Du Bois said...

Big Stephen Baldwin,
I see you got your dream job
As Rupaul’s fluffer

8:19 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Todd on bass guitar
Lives his life in the kick drum
Kinda cramped in there

8:20 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

There’s nothing wrong here
That The BeDazzler™ can’t fix!
More rhinestones, betchezz!

8:22 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

What a sloppy wreck
Buncha crap strewn everywhere
The room’s a mess, too

8:36 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

Ratt. Jackyll. Great White.
Best animal names taken.
Meet Marmoset.

8:47 am April, 27 Charles Douchewin said...

The only real thing
about this horrific pic
is my true disgust.

9:02 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

That el Bano piece
Is an old record player
The kids won’t ‘member.

But he ain’t Wolfman
At best he’s just Dogpoo, right?
And us old shits laugh.

9:03 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

After show at the
School cafetorium, now
Load up the Scion

9:05 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

They pulled on his shirt.
Up over his head. Also
Gave him a Wedgie

9:08 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So I guess this is
Death Toungue in person? He’s Bill
and she is Opus?

9:09 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Yeah, I’d tap that hott.
I’d flop like a fish in nets.
Freeing butterfly!

9:12 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

There really is no
way to make rhythm tuba
look cool so lift shirt?

9:14 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Death Tongue hands out cards
for low cost car washes post
gig. We need bucks, yo!

9:16 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

There’s a dried pee stain
On the rug at his right foot.
Stage fright crimps career.

9:16 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Kip Winger found that
bleeth in “Seventeen” vid. Be
careful what’s wished for.

9:18 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Someone remind me
to buy more shares in Chinese
pleather stocks, OK?

9:19 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

He;’s got Groupon chit.
Half off 2 burgers tonight.
Dubuque: Livin Large!

9:19 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Morrison, Hendrix
and Cobain all had sense to
cash in before this.

9:22 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I got 69!!!
Well, that comment, anyway.
Sex? Eh, not so much.

9:23 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

No, sir. You cannot.
Big novelty credit cards
Aren’t good for butt plugs.

9:23 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Doc and I go nuts!
Two Large coffee for you, too?
May need to stop/piss!

9:25 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mickey Rourke stand in
for “The Wrestler II” trades clothes
with Tomei’s crack whore.

9:27 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Rockerbag Pot Luck
San Fernando Valley site
Bleeth brings STDs

9:32 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

twenty-six reds and
a bottle of wine should take
care of Rocker Todd

9:34 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

parents’ fantasies
have real life consequences
embarassed children

9:36 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

had Alan Freed known
he would have quit radio
and gone into sales

9:41 am April, 27 tall guy said...

Icey stare Todd goes bare
American puritanism subjugated
Ham OD next
Batter up!

9:51 am April, 27 Anonymous said...

This is FDD. WTF? This won’t post 3 times?? I hit haiku limit? Try this as Anon

Todd shows confidence.
His pizza coupon WILL work!
Expired 4/15.

9:54 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

“twenty six reds and
a bottle of wine.” Fuck me.
Now that’s in my head.

10:54 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Wine comes in boxes
Since the the gyroscope was put
In Friday Haiku.

10:58 am April, 27 The Dude said...

“Meat Marmoset” is
The new ’69′ for the
Shirt-challenged dipshits.

11:00 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Meat Marmoset is
The new monkeyscope for the
Gyrocologists

11:11 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Oro Norteño
Has a great rhythm Tuba
ehh, some other pic

11:45 am April, 27 Haiku Nazi said...

Tall Guy pulling out the rare and near-extinct 7-13-5 Haiku today. Well played.

12:23 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Why no Picks by Noon?
What has happened to Fridays?
Winners BEFORE Thoughts!!

12:44 pm April, 27 CB Popped said...

Wow, look at the Douche,
“Backstage pass” gets him street cred,
Must be a drummer.

12:49 pm April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

@ Haiku Nazi – he was fighting Tallbot for the keyboard

@ FrankDD – another boat accident for Darksock?

1:08 pm April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

I’m glad that you caught
my Jim Carrol reference
Baron Von Goolo

2:03 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Good werk, ‘Sock — you’ve got 74,000 haikus to sort thru. Just because you have a {quote] life [/quote] or one of those *jobs* doesn’t mean you get a full day pass from hot Chicks in Wonderland! Step up, and put one of Rev’s terrifying 17-syllable tomes under your — granted that was decent work, and by decent I mean…

2:13 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

It’s 6 on East Coast!
I’m like a cat for catnip.
Where’s fuccen Winners?!?!?

2:37 pm April, 27 DixieRecht said...

At least he’s doin’ what he loves: rocking out.

Ignore the fact no one goes to the low-life bars his “band” is playing and that life on the “road” (read county-wide) gave him crabs and herpes, and bad tribal tatts.

No, he’s not sacrificing his music for anything! He’ll make it big one day soon…

And on to his pathetic life.

Hey mom, why does it burn so bad when I pee pee…..?

2:59 pm April, 27 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Tight jeans, tiny feet
Belie shrinking cranium
Balls and dignity

4:10 pm April, 27 Nostradouchus said...

The eighties are dead,
but someone forgot to tell…
this stupid asshole.

4:26 pm April, 27 tall guy said...

Haiku Nazi marshalls
Lenny? No Squiggy!
Da Mid West too fancy…

4:47 pm April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

8:30 EST and all’s well. And by “well” I mean “no winners.” The natives are getting restless. And by “restless” I mean “a couple of guys in the Friday Thoughts And Links thread are ready to fellate The Boss.” And by “The Boss” I don’t mean DB1.
Someone call the Coast Guard.

5:27 pm April, 27 Haiku Nazi said...

Cool Springsteen song Vin. Word boys. I just got a great blowjob, then smoked, and still check in to this before I visit my lover in the den to decant a bottle of port and watch Storage Wars while the kids are gone. Yuuuuuuuuuuup!
.
Dark Sock is Tardos

5:48 pm April, 27 The Dude (undisclosed dislocation) said...

Welcome to Haiku-of-the-Month Club! As soon as any of us begin manstrating, we’ll all get our pheremoans in sync and summon the great ‘Sock.
.
Either that or not.

7:26 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I bet he forgot.
I’m blazed waiting for bacon
And eggs to cook.

7:28 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What?

7:40 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Tired of jerking off
To mesh-strained gothic boobies
Po’tree in lotion

8:15 pm April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

There are no winners
With Haiku or in picture
Nihilism reigns

8:17 pm April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

I saw milk carton
With Dark Sock’s picture on it
No winners this week

9:15 pm April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Call authorities
¿Dónde está Señor Sock?
Check the waiver line

9:27 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Fuck, Wallnuts wins it
At eight seventeen p.m.
My life has ended.
.
Naw, I like the buzz too march! What month is it?

9:30 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Vin, if your name was
Larry, you’d be killing me
with Haiku punchlines

9:33 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I will make a bet
What is the over/under
On DarkSock’s thread here?
.
Hundred fifty?

9:42 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

If I take ‘over’
This area will be strewn
With forgotten thoughts.
.
^ I went traditional, without mentioning butterflies or death.

9:44 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Give props to ‘The Dude’
For carrying the water
That DarkSock forgot

9:46 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Little do they know
Guggenheim in ’23
will be Haiku-strewn

11:05 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I am still alive
Why didn’t I mark my place
At Gugg. ’23?
.
Looking fwd

11:08 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Velociraptors
Have nothing to do with
The trash in this pic
.
but the comment sticks. Where things aren’t s’posed to go!

11:10 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

47 more
but thass ok becuz i
got haikuschnizzle

11:12 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Bob Morely wrote some
excellent reggae tunes when
i was just a gleam
.
^more life & death themes without butterflies and dead babies. Achievement!

11:15 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Butterflies and death
Yet born with a silver spoon
Nah, can’t finish that!

11:18 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I give up for now
Will check on the douchebag site
in a little while
.
And by ‘little’ I mean something very different. Than.

1:14 am April, 28 The Dude said...

I got the ‘over’
But now it is 120
Pay me, Mr. TRUMP!

3:50 am April, 28 hermit said...

El baño’s concerned.
He faces deportation,
despite his green card.

3:57 am April, 28 hermit said...

El hermit’s concerned.
The gulf coast has heavy surf,
and small craft warnings.

5:02 am April, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Count DarkSock-ula
MIA into Sat’day
Dude abides all night!

5:34 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sunrise Saturday
Yet still there are no winners
Dark Sock; AWOLos

5:41 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Filling the big void
Left by no Haiku winners
Is masterbation

6:07 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Open End Haiku!
Is this for ALL the Marbles?
Will Win List double?

6:08 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Who the fuc heard of
Saturday Haiku ’round here?
Overtime!! Dammit!!

6:13 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Management has slipped.
Probably with alpacas.
And that just ain’t right.

6:16 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Posting time is wrong?
Even clock has gone to hell.
Pear Reparations!!!

6:18 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Dude, Wallnuts and me.
Keep on writing in the wind.
Like piss; less blowback.

7:07 am April, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

R.I.P. Dark Sock
It’s like we hardly knew you.
Hold on, yes we did!

7:08 am April, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He’s in a better
place right now. Stables galore
and lots of horse butts.

7:51 am April, 28 hermit said...

Hell hath no fury,
Like the swift and well-placed hoof
of an angry mare.

8:35 am April, 28 douchebag1 said...

Haiku’s lonely sad,
No winners without the ‘Sock,
Boats crash inside soul.
.
- management

8:36 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Old men tell tales of
A man-mouse appearing
In the cool sping mist.

8:38 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dying with a healthy
Prostate, that is how he will
Be remembered. Son.

8:51 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Davey Jones Locker
Now rehab center for young
Abused sea horses.

8:53 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Like young Jack Sparrow
Before him. Dark Sock rocks the
Keith Richards chinfung.

8:56 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In bizarre turn, Dark
Sock posts picture of self, wife
Flees to the Falklands.

9:14 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Drafted in fourth round
The Cincinnati douchegals
Have picked the dark Sock

9:19 am April, 28 The Dude said...

I want my organs
Ravaged by passionate girl-
on-girl threesomes. Son

9:31 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Waiting for winners
That should have been named Friday;
Haikusterbating

9:41 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Haikusterbating?
Doesn’t that lead to chafing,
swelling and redness?

10:47 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Soy un perdedor
Playing xbox live, Waiting
For Godot. Dark Sock?

11:25 am April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Darksock fuccen flakes
Still reading Doucheywallnuts’
Friday storytime

11:25 am April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

.

11:30 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Dark Sock where are you?
Story time will be longer
If you don’t show soon

12:09 pm April, 28 hermit said...

Somewhere in the gulf,
An empty Ambien® vial,
Has washed up on shore.

1:27 pm April, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Took kids to the zoo
Winners on my mind all day
peed on a gibbon.

3:54 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Time for directions!
Regulars need to post pics.
How else we know them?

5:03 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Referring, of course.
To those small pics by your name.
You know – those Icons!

5:06 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Who the Fuc heard of
SUNDAY Haiku???? Well i’ts here!
Now WTF, huh?

5:08 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I’d still like to bone
that hott leathered, fishnett mess
I would scrapbook that!

5:11 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

It AIN’T five oh eight.
It’s more like six fifty two.
Geez, my life’s crumbling!!

5:12 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

We should burn Dark Sock!?
In Effigy? Like a Norse?
Maybe like a Fart?

7:08 pm April, 28 The Dude said...

Naughty Norses are
better than the thought that ‘Sock
Has met his maker
.
kunk! kunk! Here ‘Socky ‘Socky! I hope you only got arrested for some stupid shit! That happened to me, when I was a kid. In my early 40′s

10:42 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Gothic sea hunt drags
this pair from kelp beds, tears net,
bares his gator abs.

10:45 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Dark Sock’s deathly sick
comments are missed, pair dons black
in memoriam.

10:48 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Back in the day they
wore hair nets, not boob nets, to
hold back the danglers.

6:37 am April, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sunday, Go to church
Pray that Dark Sock is well, or
For his successor

9:08 am April, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Now its Sunday noon.
STILL hold hope for Front Page post.
Dark Sock found a herd?

11:24 am April, 29 DarkSock said...

Damn…It’s gonna take
All fuccen day to sort through
These epic haiku…

Damn…Can’t a guy take
a quick boating excursion
Into Limbo-Land?

5:33 pm April, 29 Sofa King said...

Cougarrific hott
Posing with slab of roast beef
In blue room of shame.

6:36 pm April, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

And that’s a wrap folks!
Epic 3-day one-sixty!
Damn those horses butts!

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