Monday, April 2, 2012
Two Tickets to Pair O' Douche
Duckface Donna and Dutch-Angle Denise have just won the douche-lottery! It’s all fun and games with the San Diego Double-Douche Duo, until the gals realize that groin-baring Burt does not in fact have a sweet-ass stomach tattoo…just a gangrenous belly button caused by a stubbornly lodged Skittle.
If I remember correctly San Diego is German for Whale’s Vagina, Just sayin
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Flautists
^ and these are four late-term abortions that will become giant squid kibble in a minute.
It’s the twin of Jed the Creepy Wankscrote, AKA “Jeb.”
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They’re fuccen PAIRS????? Gimme a pitchfork to jab in my eyes!
Burt may be the homeliest dude that’s ever appeared on this site.
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….and that’s saying something.
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He’s so ugly, his birth certificate is an apology letter.
He’s so ugly, when he looks in the mirror, his reflection ducks.
When im lost in the jungle I also drink my own piss…
He’s so ugly, when he was born the doctor slapped his mother.
He’s so ugly, when he lies on the beach, cats try to bury him.
Wasn’t I a pip!
Cue the music and clear the beaches bitches:
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Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..IT’S SOCKWEEK!!!!!!!
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This time there was no warning, keep your kids off the beach and away from the monitor ’cause the water will be chummed with illicit ass pear.
Steve Jobs is the world’s biggest arsehole. Not only did he lead the charge to do business with communist china, he’s led an entire generation of chinese children to fucking slavery so you Amerikans can wathc the final four while you take a crap in a shithouse at the bottom of a tunnel and be proud of it while your jobs are syphoned to third worls countries.
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Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I-Pad. You duds don’t rock aplle shit do you? Cause I’m calling you ouit to admit it cause I’m all fucking drunk ans swole and tough on the interwebs you gadget fuckers.
@ Rev Chad
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You remember the last scene in “Independence Day” when the alien spaceships blew up because some corrupted software was uploaded to their mothership? Yeah, that was the Mac operating system.
@ Rev ,
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The only Apple product I have is an i-Pod because you gotta. How else am I going to walk around with 12,765 songs across 160gb of storage…. ?
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The rest is PC, Kindle and Android not because I dislike Apple but because I aren’t smart enough to use it.
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And by smart enough to use it I mean go to the Apple store at my mall and have skinny hipster dweebs scoff at my deficient I.T. skills compared to them (even though I make $100,000 more a year than they do) forcing me to try my damndest not to go all Muay Thai on their asses. Fuck that , who needs that kind of pressure?…<br<
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Also, are Marcie Runkle of “Californication” and Suzie on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” the same person? Foul mouth yentahs, the both of em
@Hermit
Here’s hoping it is a full week, love me some SOCKWEEK!!!!!!!
@Vin
Re; Marcie & Suzie almost but alas they are 2 different actress. I’d bang that Marcie if only I had a Rev Chad Jeebus Sized Cocck.
He’s so ugly, every time his mother looks at him she thinks “damn, I should have just given his dad a blowjob.”
Suzie:
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Marcy Runkle( Can I get a fucking Amen? UNZ UNZ! )
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@ Wheezer,
Thanks for referencing The Wankscrote. IMHO, Jed and his pasty, underage girlfriend were the most compelling HCwDB pairing ever.
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Fascinating
^ and by compelling I mean break out the penicillin and sunblock.
You’re welcome, Hermit. Sorry I used all the bleach on my retinas/retinae, but I’m much feeling better now. I’m still tasting vomit over the idea of two of these gaggers.
For some strange reason, I find the girls in this pic to be more compelling than the two toilet-cloggers.
Let me be the first to say, that just may be a gyroscope in his monkey hole. And he most likely has the same thing splattered across his brown star but I ain’t looking …
I was having a pretty shitty Monday until I found out it was SockWeek. It’s getting hot in here so bust out all your prose. Damn its gonna be the best week ever. No pressure DarkSock, but seriously let’s do this thing up cajun style. It is possible to burn down a website right?
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We don’t need no water
DarkSock getting some “air”
@ Wheezer
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He stuck that landing if the piece of shit boat didn’t fall apart like a Chinese whistle
Is it a Boston thing or does this look funny?
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Ok I’m getting antsy the sun just went down so technically it’s after dark. Bring on the pair and may I suggest some Kentucky & Kansas country goodness in homage to tonight’s championship game.
When I was in getting a tattoo (my late wife’s initials, tastefully done, very small, on a covered spot, no douche), the tattoo dudes passed the time by telling me about all the douchey things douches want tattooed on their douche bodies. This douche seems to have a vagina tattooed encircling his (mouth hurl here) belly button; one dude reportedly wanted a tattoo of a vagina surrounding his anus. Even the tattoo guys who put studs in penises were grossed out by this, and somehow got out of the gig, but this wasn’t CA, FL, or Vegas.
In short, douche!
You know what I just realized and it practically brought me to orgasm, I’m gonna gonna go a whole week without having to read the words pooch spackle and boobie suckle thigh. Except for right then when I had to type them.
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Praise Jesus for reals
jezebel stacks her poo in stinky little pyramids. The other watch in wonder and comment on her skills.
@ Vin I’m in for Ted.
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The foursome above; The Lice Pack.
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or The Rat Infested Pack
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or The Herp Pack
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or The Poo Pack
I gotta pee in a horse this week,,,,just sayin’.
Not once,,,,
Yeah Hermit – Jed The Wankscrote was a Sociological lesson for years to come.
Sun, sand, skanks and douchebags. Welcome to California. It’s Sofa King doomed.
Whale Vagina still beats Vegas on its worst day. Guess I picked the wrong week to get sober.
Jed The Wankscrote is the pee we must purge from our gene pool, hunters and huntresses.
This is why we fight.
I peed in a duckface.
I peed in a Nice Car in Nevada.
This guy’s so ugly he can only vomit out his ass.
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Wait…what?
That guy’s so ugly he makes Tic Tacs smell like whiskey farts.
This guy’s so ugly he doesn’t look like a psoriatic scrotum, psoriatic scrotums look like him.
Poor guy and his staph infection. Nothing a little vodka/OJ can’t fix.
Those two are joined at the shoulder,and she’s just trying to get away. Meanwhile the other turds,pose.
This guy’s so ugly bot flies avoid him.
To paraphrase Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, this guy’s so ugly when he’s goes to the park, dogs sniff his face.
In a perfect world these four would pile into their Smart Car and on the drive to the airport for their return flight to Dayton get rear-ended by a semi.
“Whiskey Farts” = good band name
two harveys
two wall bangers
three cups.
HOLY SHIT!!!! JCVD!!!! How the fuck are ya, man? I wondered where you’d slipped off to. I was afriad you were hangin’ with Dave Navarro or something.
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Snicker.
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That being said, that there is one fine target. I’d rather line up one of my many firearms on his navel than on one of those paper zombie targets I have.