Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The BILF

Also known as “The Bleeth I’d like to Forcibly Lecture About Being a Bad Mother.” Wait, maybe that’s a “BILFLABABM.”

Wait, wasn’t Bilflababm one of the elves in Terry Brooks’s The Sword of Shannara?

Yeah, I got nothin’.

Except that baby doesn’t stand a chance. Awful tatts and a mediocre DJ career await.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars
Loading ... Loading ...
# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
12:19 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

Well at least he’s got a boob up on RevChads kids. So he’s got that going for him.

12:20 pm May, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Trash!!!

12:24 pm May, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

There are chicks doing the donkey show circuit in TJ with more common sense and dignity.
.
Lil’ Billy is hover handing the nip tweak cuz even he knows this is 12 shades of wrong.

12:28 pm May, 29 C. K. Doucheter-Haven said...

How did Mrs. Doucheter-Haven and I fail to include an I Heart Boobies t-shirt on C. K. Jr.’s baby registry?

12:29 pm May, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It’s a photoshop job.

12:35 pm May, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Rev, I don’t think so. Other than lacking EXIF data, which was probably removed to protect the guilty, there is are no suspicious changes to the picture.

12:46 pm May, 29 C. K. Doucheter-Haven said...

And that li’l ‘tardy mini-shocker he’s throwing, you’re telling me that that’s photoshopped too?

Is nothing sacred, Rev?

12:49 pm May, 29 fatness said...

Aw, leave her alone. She’s clearly one of those “attachment” moms who will still be breast feeding the tyke when he’s 30.

12:49 pm May, 29 Vin Douchal said...

She resembles Carrie Keagan a little and probably has just as foul a mouth. I love Carrie Keagan and BTW, her pussy is where Splenda comes from
.

.
.
More yellow dress , HERE

12:51 pm May, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dianna Dahlgren, motocross pinup babe

1:19 pm May, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

Is that like kid wearing an, “I Love Boobys” t-shirt?
.
And I officially have a Carrie Keagan boner.
.
“Would Jesus Fucc Carrie Keagan,” or “WJFCK?” is another killer slogan. Or as Banya would say, “Gold, Jerry, Gold.”

2:02 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

I’m thinking someone needs to use their connects to get Carrie K. to comment here. I’m sure one of the regs can make that happen.

2:13 pm May, 29 Douche Springsteen said...

I have a co-worker who is one of those “really wants a baby” type of ladies. She’s all of 24 so I’m not exactly sure what her rush is but I have my own issues, too. Different strokes, etc etc etc. Anyway, she has a nephew who is an utter bagling. Her cubicle is adorned with his photos. Faux hawk, Ed Hardy Jr. junior attire, baby bling, temporary tribal tatts (I shit you not), the whole 9 yards. One morning after I’d had a long chat with my Ol’ Grandad the night before, she is tacking up a new snapshot of the little ‘bag in a photo somewhat similar to this, posing in front of some car with a bunch of after-market shit glued onto it to make it look “bad-ass”. She asked me “Isn’t he the cutest kid ever?” Now, normally I would’ve just nodded and made my way to my desk and put in my earbuds and play Townes Van Zandt until I’m feeling somewhat human, but I’d not had any coffee yet and was feeling particularly ornery. I said I didn’t think his outfit was age appropriate and when she asked me what I meant by that I said I meant that if I had a kid I would just let him be a kid and give him a bowl cut and dress him in fun clothes with pictures of Kermit or Elmo and not use him as a blank canvas upon which I would project my own poor taste. Had her eyes been bullets, I would’ve been dead. In hindsight I should’ve just nodded & been on my way but there are times when my tongue can just not be held. Around lunchtime that day I had a little visit from one of the office managers who didn’t feel like he had to name names but he wanted to remind me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say, then I shouldn’t say. He did however tell me (off the record, of course) that if there’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s 4 year olds in shirts with flaming skulls. So at least I know middle management agrees with me even if they are too cuckolded by upper management to say so outright.

2:47 pm May, 29 troy tempest said...

Caption to photo:
“Yes, Jimmy, that’s what silicone feels like!”

3:23 pm May, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Yeah, fuck this little douche and his giant Bleeth
.
This is a real kid:
.

3:25 pm May, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeth, Bleeeeeeeeeeeth, Bleeeeeeeeeeth!
.
http://stek.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dianna-dahlgren-3.jpg

3:27 pm May, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Dizzy medicine, just like Uncle Rev Chad takes!

3:32 pm May, 29 Vin Douchal said...

3:34 pm May, 29 The Dude said...

Makes me wish I was ten years old and palming some Keagans. huh?

4:05 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

What’s the big deal, the kid thinks boobie jokes are funny. I heard his first word was boobie and his second word was suckle. And he’s just trying save this hot chick from another guy. He learned it by watching you, he learned it by watching you.
.
.
.
80s PSAs were actually spot on, damnit.

4:30 pm May, 29 The Dude said...

omg Vin, who invented the creature in your 3.32p p-p-uh-post? yerp!

4:32 pm May, 29 The Dude said...

I would carry her Keagans.

4:49 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

True genius is never really appreciated until after the fact. Oh well, I guess I can wait some more. You know when you’ve been waiting for so long you forget what you’re waiting for? Yeah, me neither.

4:59 pm May, 29 The Dude said...

Licking – uh, looking at the pic, it seems young Jason is performing a nipple flick. This technique is demonstrated in several of Gianna Michaels’s’s videos.

5:24 pm May, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

I’d love to shag her on that shag. Shag, I says.

6:04 pm May, 29 Rev Chad said...

That Keagan chick’s pretty ayight. Too bad she smells like Greg Guttfield’s cocck. That guy is the world’s worst live Jew after Bernie.

6:57 pm May, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Check out Fergie…
.
https://twitter.com/Fergie/status/207284949064220673/photo/1/large

8:20 pm May, 29 Sofa King said...

The best thing about Carrie Keagan is, they’re real.

8:21 pm May, 29 Nip Flicker said...

Fergie stays in my room tahnite.
.
What I said

8:22 pm May, 29 Nip Flicker said...

those Keagans are heavy, appornimately 4.5 lbs apiece. And by heavy, I mean mow!

8:41 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

4.5lbs* the pull of gravity + 20 years= make the most cash off of those puppies now.

8:46 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

I like maths.

8:55 pm May, 29 Nip Flicker said...

Sturdy thinking there, Maroon. And by sturdy, well you’ve prolly got the ~maths~ done on that by now.

8:58 pm May, 29 Nip Flicker said...

Geez, I’m gonnna wake up tomorrow wondering why I call myself Nip Flicker. what a weekend! shark suit, nip flicking — It’s a Wonderful Life

9:07 pm May, 29 Full-baked Maroon said...

@The Dude, I like you in the shark suit. Set that one aside….for later. Wink.

12:02 am May, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ Douche Springsteen 2:13
I had a similar experience at my place of employment as well. Only with me it was a comment about punching baby Jesus in the shit hole, and something about a cock ring crown of barbed wire choking the Virgin Mary to death. It’s good to know that certain lower totem pole managers recognize tasteful humor and can act as a buffer against upper managements’ overzealous zero tolerance campaigns against what they deem as “offensive” behavior. Whatever.

12:03 am May, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And after closer examination of this pic, yeah, I’d hit it.

12:04 am May, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

The blonde girl in the black pumps is cute enough too.

5:53 am May, 30 Doucheywallnuts said...

I don’t think that is a recent Fergie photo. Although she did look good for awhile despite the meth addiction.

5:59 am May, 30 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

^despite, I says.

6:38 am May, 30 Douche Wayne said...

@ Douche Springsteen

As a father trying to raise two toddlers “right” in the middle of Durty Jurzy I fully support your truth telling. If she didn’t want your opinion she shouldn’t have asked for it – it’s lovely she takes an interest in her nephew and all, but is she that blind/bleethed that she doesn’t realize the kid looks like he’s about to shark his kindergarten teacher?
Nothing pisses me off more than parents who fish for compliments for their children. “Yes, yes, the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, and proud we are of all of them.” Yes, little Johnny’s very advanced, look at how he sticks his hand in his diaper to see if he just crapped himself. You’re very lucky.
I’m glad there were no professional repercussions for you, however in the future you may want to respond to the question with a question: “Do you really want my opinion, or do you just want me to tell you what you want to hear?”
-
Future Voters

11:26 am May, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Just seconds after this pic was taken, a geyser silicone drenched little Timmy immediately followed by a loud THWWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUPPPPPP that proceeded to knock him on his ass and remove that shit from his hair. Bleethy McBleetherson, following Newton’s Third Law, was found 3 counties away sobbing hysterically while trying to reel in the 8 feet of polymer that used to house the former mam trampoline.

12:56 pm May, 30 CB Popped said...

Stanley Cup Finals begin tonight,,,Son.

1:28 pm May, 30 Douche Springsteen said...

@Jacques I think the handful of bible-thumpers in my office would have lynched me had I spoken ill of their beloved baby Jebus. They’re not very Christ-like. Me, I just turn the other (butt)cheek if I feel I’ve been wronged.

3:45 pm May, 30 Mr. Biggs said...

Little known fact – this was the runner-up photo shoot for Time magazine’s Attachment Parenting cover.

11:08 am June, 2 Good stuff said...

this picture is a little disturbing, but somewhat arousing at the same time…

Leave a Reply