Friday, August 10, 2012
Friday Haiku
In bed, Lance causes
Seven seconds of terror,
Much like the Mars probe.
Space man is not thrilled.
Ground control to major Tom:
You’re gay as Bowie.
– hermit
Steve’s new pick-up line:
“Open the pod bay doors, H.A.L.”
results in dry balls.
– Douche Wayne
Luke Guystalker just
Wants these icky girls to go.
Saddles up Mugwomps.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger
One small step for man
One giant step for douchebags
These steps are backwards.
– DoucheyWallnuts
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At Star Wars party
Girls say “This is not the droid
We were looking for.”
Fuzz Aldrin has a
Raging boner but can’t leave
Bubble to touch chicks.
Bubble Boy attends
senior prom with not one but
two medical aides.
He wears a spacesuit
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Space douche crash lands on
Planet Bleeth is one giant
Roofie in orbit
Steve’s new pick-up line:
“Open the pod bay doors, H.A.L.”
results in dry balls.
One small peen for man.
One giant weep for woman
Kind. Stretch Armstrong.
The spacesuit will not
Protect from vag MRSA
The Bleeths are packing
Luke Guystalker just
Wants these icky girls to go.
Saddles up Mugwomps.
Danger Doctors Bleeth
We are lost in Douchebag space
And I just farted
Ejaculation
In zero Gs is a drag
Ropes in the helmet
Space man is not thrilled.
Ground control to major Tom:
You’re gay as Bowie.
Steve invented his
fart amplification suit
to hotbox own ass.
Chinese girl sniffing
His chest, “Me smell you long time
Chuck. Smells like egg-bilge.”
On a positive
Note his Del Taco farts are
Contained within suit
Nasa Mohawk Guy
Takes a wrong turn somewhere and
Lands on Heranus
With Queensryche concert
Going on in background. Space
Has overdressed again.
Douchebag crash lands on
Alien planet finds eggs
Grieco bursts from chest
One small step for man
One giant step for douchebags
And all mankind weeps
His yogurt capsule
Crash lands into Uranus
Butt syphilis go!!
Damn you, Hermit!
.
Ziggy Stardust Douche
Can you hear me Major Tom?
Take your VD pills…
One small step for man
One giant step for douchebags
These steps are backwards
Just like the Vulcans
Steve mates ev’ry seven years;
makes up for lost time.
“Calculator in
your pocket, or are you just
happy to see us?”
In space no one can
Hear you queef! Grieco virus
Goes galaxy wide.
“Are you seeing this,
Prometheus?” First contact
with female humans.
This mental image
worth all the money Steve paid
for Total Recall.
Comicon douche trys
Pon farr for ‘tang seven more
Years of blue balls Spock!
Herpster bubble head
makes big mistake with zipper
Thank you space vacuum!
My mother said to
get things done you better not
mess with Major Tom.
Steve tried to impress
the ladies with his Moonwalk.
Ur doing it wrong.
Space bag travels space
By lighting his farts hits warp
Speed with Del Taco
Space bag named his wang
Spunk-nik, the perv leaves his ropes
Orbiting the Earth
“I am the spaceman,”
No, you’re a douchebag, fuckface
A fuckface, I says
Close Encounters of
the Douche Kind. Ends up f*cking
his mashed potatos.
Reverend Chad just
Realized new idea for
Smokeless mobile bong.
This is one small step
For douche, and one giant fail
For society.
Space bag attempts the
Old alien probe line to
Get ass epic fail
Space Program’s new tool,
for extended space travel.
They call it Poon Tang®.
Fogs up helmet, thinks
Jen Aniston and Lucy
Liu made out with him.
Offers ride in his
moon rover, ends up being
Chevy Astrovan.
Come see Buzz Lightbeer
Ask May Ling for some re-entry
Into her black hole
Later that evening
Randy is found drunk and nude
Screaming “Shania!”
I’ve been trying to
Work the word “hymen” into
A Friday Haiku
This just patented:
Device for huffing paint fumes
While masturbating
This picture smells like
Egg rolls, vodka, herp and Tang
I got nothing else
This scene is as dead
As Andy Reid’s oldest son
Wait, is this too soon?
’tis curse or blessing
the other end of that tube’s
in Anya’s starfish?
Librarian Hott
Herp so bad needs hazmat suit
Tests Amy’s Yiddishkeit
Yiddishkeit FTW.
Yiddishkeit sends me
Spinning in the wonderland
Of Libarry hotts
In space no one hears
When the gyroscope is put
In her monkeyhole
“These steps are backwards,”
for the muddafuggin’ win.
Mudda. Fuggin’. Win.
A goddam spacesuit. This asshole thinks he’s a real life member of the Robinson family from Lost In Space. Seriously he has some obvious emotional disturbance mental health issues going on that force him to hide himself from the world in a fucking spacesuit costume. The gal on the left’s head is a couple sizes too large for the accompanying body. Her freakishness attracts her to other losers like Delwood the spaceman. Asian glasses chick is Delwood’s therapist about to have him put away in the looney bin.