Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday Haiku
Smiley McFlatChest
Looks on as History’s made:
OldBag meets No-Sag!
Those aren’t pasties
Her nipples are infected
From a bad boob job
— DoucheyWallnuts
The old guy prays for
Pinkie’s adhesive to fail
before his nap time.
— FoghornLeghorn
Frosty the Blow Man
Traded corn cob for crack pipe
Climbs gum drop mountains
Kandy Kane wants a
Kiss under her cameltoe
My yule log ignites
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Fake tits fake hair fake
Fur fake diamonds fake smiles,
Fake woman — real dick
— Ich verstehe sie ist heiß
By Bob Seger’s Cockk…
She has some points of her own
Way up firm and high
The White George Clinton
Scores pink haired Hott with pasties
And her “Grenade” friend
The White Super Fly
Put his gyroscope in her
Pink-haired Monkeyhole
Pimpin’ ain’t easy
Luckily, Bob and his wife
Have a hot daughter
Those aren’t pasties
Her nipples are infected
From a bad boob job
High and tight,
no longer just a cut,
for those in the Corps
My erection proves
I love thin, fake-titted bleeths
Fake-titted, I says
Do androids dream of
Electric sheep? No, they just
Want money up front
This threesome will cause
White fur coat to be stained by
Bodily fluids
Countless Alpacas
Died to give birth to this coat
Alpacas now weep
Don’t look right at his
Shiny crotch-piece. Face will melt
Just like in raiders
His cane smells like bleeth
All the way up to the tip;
Time for a new cane
Juan Shortman enters
“Hey! This ain’t the Red Lobster!”
Ogles cans. Exits.
Pinky has great tits
But she also has a great
Personality
Are pasties clothing?
Are those tits and that hair real?
Metaphysics mess
The old guy prays for
Pinkie’s adhesive to fail
before his nap time.
Work Christmas Party
Lampshades are so outdated
Mort croons “HO! HO! HO!”
Accountant Fiscal Cliff
Says “What’s all the worry, yo?”
It’s only money
Mort wanted Kandy
But what about my bestie?
She can hold my cane
Frosty the Blow Man
Traded corn cob for crack pipe
Climbs gum drop mountains
Hurrican Sandy
Won’t slow Jersey X-mas scene
Frostbite is a bitch
Kandy Kane sparkles
Not like gay “Twilight” vampires
More like crystal meth
Going left to right …
Too jaded, arrogant, dumb
to feel sense of shame
Smiley is entranced
by shiny objects; he’s entranced
by glittery boobs
Strippers need love too
“Not you, Smiley! Come back when
you’ve had your boob job!”
Christmas party at
The Gold Club is sad affair
Stockings stuffed, $20
Cosmo Kramer shines
In our fav’rite X-mas flick
“Ho Alone, Twin Peaks”
Kandy Kane wants a
Kiss under her cameltoe
My yule log ignites
Santa has a third list
Who Earned Christmas ass kicking?
Mort is on that list
Halloween costumes
Negative image of pimp
Bro’ as man with job
Looking at this crap
Honestly, I got nothing
I’d come out swinging
dollar store baubles
and paid-to-pose bolt on bleeths
do not make a pimp
Fake tits fake hair fake
Fur fake diamonds fake smiles,
Fake woman — real dick
Attack ships on fire
Off of Coto de Caza
Skin-jobs — time to die
Turd dressed as Yeti
Cotton candy wig hottie
Her bolt ons are great
Aging salesman dates
Future ex-wife number three
But prefers fembot
Her two-tone lipstick
Looks like an unbleached asshole.
Here comes the shitstorm!
The great Howard Stern
Once king of all media
Now pimpin douchebag
Two air inlets
For this blowup doll
Who’s got a pin?