Thursday, January 10, 2013

HEAD SHOP: EVEN DOUCHEBAGS MAKE REZO…RESA…RESI…SELF BETTER PROMISES

The dawn breaks on 2013 and like the rest of humanity, douche and bleeth alike wipe the sleep from their eyes, put crayon to peeled beer bottle label, and resolve to get better. Douche plan to get better jobs. Bleeth plan to give better jobs. They will become self reliant. They’ll hit the books as often as the gym. They’ll pay their parents back all the money they’ve frittered away. They’ll trade in their club passes for bus passes. Instead of spending their hard earned cash on tattoos and tanning creme they’ll donate it to worthy charities. What ever it takes, they will become better people. Respectable, caring, giving people.

Oh who the Hell are we kidding? We know what their sole resolution is this year. It’s the same one every year. That’s what makes them special. And by special I mean shovel worthy.

(To the tune of Queen’s “Somebody to Love”)

Can, anybody
Find me-ee-ee-eeeee,
Some pussy tooo, cruuuuuuuuuuuuush?

Each evening I go out and hit the clubs
Mac on every ho-bag I see
Take a look in the mirror and sigh
Lord who would wanna be me?
‘Cuz I’m tatted and fake baked with bald berries
It only hurts when I pee
Lord,
Somebody, Oooh Somebody, can anybody find me,
Some pussy to crush?

I work out
Every day day of my life
I ‘roid till I’ve got no bone
At the end of each set
I deep fry a whole turkey, it’s just for me
I get down on my knees and I praise my bros
Till the spooge runs down through my eyes oh!
Somebody, oh somebody, can anybody find me some pussy to crush?

[He pounds bleeth]
Everyday day
Cuz’ I lie and I cheat and I prey
But all the hotties turn me down
They say I’m psychopathic
Well they just drink water in the clubs
They got no rich step dad they got no trust fund cash stash to bleeeeeed.

Oh dude,
Somebody, somebody, anybody fine me,
Soooooooooome pussy to cruuuuuuuuush!?!?!?

I slip them roofies
Ev’ry time I buy them drinks
It’s ok, It’s alright
How else would I get me some pink?
It puts the lotion…on its skin
Or else it gets the hose, lord

Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Find me some pussy to crush
Somebody Somebody Somebody Somebody
Somebody shoot me!
Somebody find me some pussy to crush
Can anybody find meeeeeeee
Some pussy toooooooooooooooooooo
cruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush
Find me, some pussy tooooooo crush
Find me, some pussy toooooo crush
Find me, some pussy toooooo crush
Find me, some pussy toooooo crush
Find me, some pussy toooooo crush
Find me, some pussy toooooo crush
Any jump off anywhere, anybody find me some pussy to cruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush
Find me find me find me.

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# posted by Mr. Scrotato Head
Links n' stuff:
1:19 pm January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Iambic pentameter is a harsh mistress but you’ve lassoed it like Jesus bling around a glory hole doily tatt. Nice
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Boing!

1:31 pm January, 10 FredN. said...

RIP Stackhouse.

2:25 pm January, 10 DarkSock said...

Mr. Scrotato Head just peed in Stackie’s Bud Light Lime.
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Now I got that song in my head.

3:11 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Head Shop. I get it.

3:47 pm January, 10 bigphatnotadouche said...

regarding the VD Boing link – those millf mature titties don’t jump around like that on the pornhub website – maybe I need to get a new computer
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Steve Jobs

8:08 pm January, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

http://jasonstackhouse.com/ seems to be fading away into the nothingness.
.
Then again, HCwDB just kicked off a weekly with yours truly, so it’s obviously not that far behind.

9:33 pm January, 10 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Been a long time since HCwDB enjoyed a Stack Attack.

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