Head Shop: The Dye that Binds
Over the past few years the commonality that is douche has fractured, diversified, and multiplied. Like a true virus, the Grieco strain has mutated from simple Jersey Bag to Muscle bag, Eurobag, White trash bag, and the more recent hypsterbag. And while each sack of genetic poo strives to maintain its own distinct identity, common elements remain that tie them unapologetically back to their ancestral progenitor. I speak of ink and orange. While some may rock the v-neck tee, and others the lip of duck and hair of gel, while others will have cones of sila, or biceps of ‘roid, every one of them will have skin of carrot adorned with stars, skulls, and Asian script.
To the tune of “People Who Died” by Jim Carroll [RIP]
Teddy smearing poo, he was 12 years old
Spread the tone from his own behind
Arty was 11 when he caught the drug
His tangerine sheen didn’t have no tan lines
Bobby hit the tanning booth, 14 years old
He looked like pumpkin pie when he dyed
He was a bro’ of mine
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Mickey and Paulie let their six-packs all soften
So they inked them up with nonsense words as a distraction
Sly in Wildwood, “THUG LIFF” on his head
Bobby leaves a full-sized smear of cocoa in his bed
They were three more bros of mine
Three more bros that dyed
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Karly shows her back tatts in the Boom Boom Room
Britney inked herself from her head to her womb
Judy’s skin color was hard to explain
Eddie matched hers to a cheddar cheese stain
And Eddie, you’re orangier than all the others
And I salute you mother
Those are hot chicks who dyed, dyed
They were all my hos, and they dyed
Herbie inked Tony on the high school roof
Tony thought that a skull would show the truth
‘So Herbie serve up Tony some, some bitchin’ proof
“Hey,” Herbie said, “Tony, are you fly?”
But Tony wasn’t fly, Tony dyed
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Bennie inked his guns with a Poly wrap
He flashed the tatt while raging at some bikers
He said, “Hey, I know it’s obvious, I’m a steel cage fighter”
But the next day he got raped by those very same bikers
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Salty Fuccen Tears. Son.
Good movie by the way and a good song. Leo bangs some serious tang.
I miss this song.
Hot Snotty Tears. Stepchild.
Here’s some pear. I hope.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/319860_10200466447573895_2092185984_n.jpg
meh
…like the tune, don’t want to douche it up
Well. That was significantly funnier than I expected it would be. Bravo on the pumpkin pie, sport.
That was good but I’m still pissed at the ‘Sock for erasing the wrong McRoofie post yesterday. I poured some comedy gold that disappeared. Fuck disappearing comedy posts. My memory can’t rehash shit anymore . M. Scrotato Head is a lyrical genius. My Sudafed is wearing off . I’m gonna take it with a tall glass of Crown Royal. I feel like warmed over shit waffles . Fucking head cold