Friday, December 13, 2013

Friday the 13th Thoughts and Links

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The kids are not all right.

In fact they look like lobotomized feral magic cherubs culled from a Piers Anthony novel.

Nothing is more haunting than the vacuity behind those dead fish eyes.

Even Sweet All Business Amber, who reminds me of a young Andie McDowell seems somnamblified by life.

Thus, although understated in terms of a douchremonts/hott cohabit, this pic is the perfect HCwDB for Friday the 13th.

It’s like staring into the vortex of a failed future.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Buy Some Crap on Amazon after clicking on this link link of the week: The only proper way to enjoy Christmas.

30 Hottest Jewesses under 40. Not the most well researched list (Isla Fisher? No Gal Gadot?) and the writing is shite, but mmm… Emmy Rossum…

25 Ways to tell your Girlfriend is from the Jerz.

My latest Shiksa Aryan suckle thigh obsession: Dutch model Doutzen Kroes. I can’t pronounce it. But I can prosoapybubblefondle it.

Meet Zaur, The Pervy Russian Tennis Coach.

No. Let’s not.

Sometimes, when life gets tough, you just gotta hump a couch.

This type of marsupial mates itself to death. Kind of like a marsupial Kardashian.

But there’s always Ms. Bum Bum 2013. So I got that going for me. Here’s important documentary footage from the contest.

Okay. There’s the perfect lead in for…

Cartoonish Pear

I’m not even sure if that’s human.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
1:10 pm December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That dude has throat gonorreah. And I’m always clickin that amazon button for my weed paraphenalia and bootleg Chinese Cipro.

1:12 pm December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That dudes arms are bigger than his thigh and that’s just not kosher. Little Fast and Furious chicita can chew on my rancid tamale anyday if she’s got a clean throat.

1:24 pm December, 13 Dickie Fingers said...

That is a depressing room.

1:57 pm December, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmm………………. Hot Jewess’s Gina Gershon is over 40 but I bet she’s still a taut tigress in the sack.

2:13 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Very fitting the list of Hott Jew Broads is posted on Shabbos.

2:14 pm December, 13 DouceYouWannaDance said...

Is it just me, or has someone crossbred “pears” with watermelons?

Yeesh.

2:40 pm December, 13 Steve said...

Not gonna lie, I love those Adidas sneakers (and own a few pairs). Just not in those loud colors.

2:46 pm December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Nice job on that tile, meathead. Have you ever seen 3 inches of grout between the floor and baseboard?
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Looks like something that Russian tennis coach would do between sniffing 14 year old’s panties

3:04 pm December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Good eye on the grout line reveal Vin, but did ya notice the shower curtain window blinds.

3:21 pm December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I wanna make like the mouse with Miss Bum Bum and all the Jewesses besides Rashida Jones. What the fuck is she on that list for. Fucking ugly lesbianism with sperm-resistant crotch syphillis.

3:21 pm December, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I was watching this Wilson Mandela tribute show, and all of the nonsense going on there reminded me of the time me and Joey Bishop tag-teamed Lady Bird Johnson at some memorial service they had for one of the Kennedy brothers. I forget which one.
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This craziness with the Shimanude sign language guy who was makin shit up as he went along, Madon! He was right up there on the stage with the world leaders  and could a Shived any of them if he was so inclined.
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And how about the president of England and Obama all over that Queen of Denmark, or whoever the fuck she was? Now whilst it wasn’t the best move to put the moves on a pretty Nordic blond right in front of his wife, can any of us blame him? 
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That First Lady is a faccia brute. Faccia brute, I says. Plus she’s always telling the president what to eat and not to smoke and whatnot. A real ficcanaso.
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The Denmark broad looked like she was ready to go, so why not get her digits and give it a whirl? Chalk it up as some real good diplomatic relations. Especially if England and the US can work on it together…Na mean?
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Which brings me back to me and Joey double teaming Lady Bird. She was a real goer. She’d drink red wine mixed with Coke, and after a couple she was damper than a Nun’s twat in a Louisiana Swamp. She had this Snappin’ Gyro that would milk your joint so good that when you busted your nut you’d kind of pass out. Snappin’ Gyro, I says.
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So we’re at this memorial thing for one of the dead Kennedy boys, God rest their souls, and Joey was eye fucking Lady Bird pretty good so when we was at the reception afterwards back at their ranch somewhere in the asshole a Texas she already had an idea as to what’s what. 
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Sure enough, LBJ was bombed off his tits and with one a his regular hookers, so Joey pounced and told Lady Bird we wanted to make a contribution to her private coffers. Private coffers, I says.
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Not many people know this, but Joey Bishop came up with the original Rules of Engagement for when double teaming a broad. One time when he and Sinatra had Tippy Hedren in a Mexican Basket Fuck, he looks at Frank and says, “Frank,” he says, “Don’t never touch me and don’t never look me in the eye.” Let it be said, let it be written.
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So anyways, Joey and I worked Lady Bird pretty good that afternoon. I gotta say that the no touching rule made things tough as Lady bird was flailing around like an epileptic on a trampoline and we kept having to grab on to something lest we fall off a her or the bed. Lest, I says.
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Joey flat out lost consciousness when he blew his Spunk Monkeys, fell off a the Bird, and hit his head on the floor. Meanwhiles, I’m balls deep in her Pie Hole and she almost bites off my joint cause she’s startled by the sound a Joey’s noggin hitting the hardwood floor. She thought it was LBJ bangin on the door. Good thing it wasn’t since I was in the process a given her a Ranch Dressing Facial, if you can follow me there. Ranch Dresing Facial, I says.
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So when I saw pictures of the leaders at the Mandela thing I couldn’t help but think about what went on behind closed doors…

4:06 pm December, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

^It’s been too long DW but well worth the wait. What was that Buddy Hackett like back in the day, He looks like he mighta been able to pull some strange,

4:54 pm December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Fuck yeah! Glad I took my phone to the shitter. A DW story trumps a cribbage app anyday

5:10 pm December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

CTA , then Chicago. One of the most underrated bands of all time. Been locked down on these cats all day at grooveshark.com, a great website with full albums
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Their early stuff was fuccen rocking and prior to Terry Kath leaving one in the chamber while fucking around with an “EMPTY” pistol, they were the most progressive, innovative band around combining intricate writing/playing and arrangements that took a turn into tight improvisation. Pete Cetera’s voice was the perfect counterpoint to Kath and keyboardist Robert Lamm, their harmonies , perfect
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Old stuff: Lowdown
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Free
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Dialogue
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Trumpet Lips

7:50 pm December, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

you two beat me to the kudos, gotta love a good DW story.
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pic above, why is there a shower curtain drape, why do these two look like brother and sister, why is he wearing a woman’s plunging V-neck blouse ? Too many questions.

10:12 pm December, 13 DarkSock said...

In Soviet Russia, Balls handle You.

10:13 pm December, 13 DarkSock said...

Oh, she’s gonna find out why the shower curtains are there. Little Joey learned the hard way with the last one about letting the blood get everywhere from the living room to the fuccen trunk. His back still hurts from the panicked and shitty tile job he had to lay over the hopelessly black crimson stained floor.

11:25 pm December, 13 Guid is Good said...

Marsupials do it down under.

11:08 pm December, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Walnut’s first paragraph was a classic.
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And leave it to ‘Sock to explain that entire “scene”.

8:14 am December, 16 Merle Baggard said...

I want to be a Russian tennis coach.

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