Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

7:55 am December, 22 Douchble Helix said...

The blond is a tranny, and not very hott.

7:57 am December, 22 Douchble Helix said...

It seems that “Molly” refers to the drug commonly known as Ecstasy.

8:18 am December, 22 eyedouche said...

Don’t watch anything by deejays. No talent EVER involved.

8:34 am December, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

2018 Douchie Award Winner for Most Annoying Vermont/Montreal Bag.

I feel that this is a personal affront DB1. I have seen evidence of the DJ Stavros in my little edge of Ontario/Quebec/Vermont/Upstate world. His name spoken on the dance station the rotten little girls listen to. His presence at some of my fave ski hills is enough for me to stop drinking. Maybe not, maybe just quit the questionably aged legal CDN hookers. Nice young sluts really. Fuck that.

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It all reminds me of Robert Frost.

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Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the DJ Stavros.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the DJ Stavros.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the DJ Stavros.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the DJ Stavros.

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And fuck you DJ Stavros

Free Phil Robertson, Son.

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Poets

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Merry Christmas.

iIm going to get wasted.

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9:14 am December, 22 Douchble Helix said...

We are in the presence of awesomeness.

Oh, and that duck guy *is* free. Free to do whatever the fuck he wants. And his cable tv pimps are free to do whatever the fuck they want to do.

9:22 am December, 22 The Dude said...

Is he a nihilist? That must be exhausting.

11:11 am December, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’m all on board with the Free Phil Robertson movement. You can’t imprison a man for expressing his Coptic beliefs!

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DB1 is spot on. It ain’t Christmas without creepy DJ euro-dance songs featuring hot trannies and midgets. And who better to ring in the season than Günther?

No one.

11:19 am December, 22 Vin J Douchal said...

Got to 1:02 before I kicked my dog in the balls. How’d I do?

12:09 pm December, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Gunther is the essence of the pagan holiday. But nobody brings homo-erotic Christmas balls and white supremacy like the Rammstein.

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12:27 pm December, 22 Dr Magnifico said...

Ya?

Na!

12:47 pm December, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

So we’re at this Wrap Party for one a Dean’s Christmas Specials, and Perry Como turns to me and says something how he’d love to boff this broad at the buffet line who was one a the June Taylor dancers who had a face like a slice a Mortadella but a body that was worth the effort. 

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Every Christmas time I think a Perry because a his popular Christmas songs and this time at this Christmas party. Perry was always horny, had lousy taste in women and would bang anything. A bad combo. Or a good combo. Am I right when I say that?

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One time Buddy Lester caught Perry pressing his joint up against the bathroom wall backstage at some joint in Kokomo and rubbing it to and fro. He said he liked the feel of the cold tile. What the fuck we were doing there in Kokomo I can’t remember. To and fro, I says.

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He also was know for this thing called the Pittsburgh Rub Fuck (PRF), where right there in the open – a bar, dance floor, party – he’d rub up against dames until they both busted a nut. He always traveled with extra underwears in preparation for this particular sexual proclivity. Proclivity, I says.

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He had it down to a science and if you didn’t know what you were looking at and you could be looking right at him and his chick and you’d never know they was doing the Animal With Two Backs. Na mean?

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Now we liked Perry, but Frank always said Perry never changed his voice no matter what he was singing or saying. Frank would say, “To hear Perry,” Frank says, “you wouldn’t know if he was singing Ave Maria, ordering some Pasta com Sarde or banging a broad.”

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Anyways, Perry was asking me if I knew this skirt, and when I tole him no and to take a powder, he got a little whiny and stormed off to get some help. Right about then Anne Baxter or Edie Adams – I always confused those two broads – comes up to me and tells me she knows Mortadella Face and that she says she’s interested in meeting Perry and she saw me talking to him and wanted an intro. Go figure.

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So I figures what the hell, it’s Christmas time and I go and bring Perry over to her and he was all kinds a wound up and she was damper than Vixen’s reindeer ass after making a run from the North Pole. What? 

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Plus she had a friend who was eyeing my balls who I knew was looking to boff. So I made the intro and wound up getting some tail. 

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Things worked out a little differently than Perry planned, as his “chick” turned out to have the old Dick and Balls combo that he found out about as he was giving the old Pittsburgh Rub Fuck. It was a big deal and the muckety mucks in Hollywood had to put the kibosh on it as they didn’t want it getting out that Perry was humping a guy and that the June Taylor Dancers had a guy who pretended to be a dame working for them.

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Anyways, Merry Christmas to youse and yours.

2:07 pm December, 22 DarkSock said...

Mortadellas

2:13 pm December, 22 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

Gotta hand it to DW. Nothing says “spirit if the season” like a well-spun story of Perry Como discovering unexpected Christmas Balls.

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Christmas Balls, I say.

3:58 pm December, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Didn’t see that coming, DW. But that’s the beauty of the ol’ PRF, isn’t it?

4:24 pm December, 22 Guid is Good said...

I bought a kebab from a guy called Stavros once. It was pretty good. Unlike that video.

4:40 pm December, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Good story DW. Any draping schwantzes?

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These guys are just like Rammstein.

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8:35 pm December, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

DW, you forgot “Fuck you all” at the end.

9:26 pm December, 22 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Know what I said when I was done with my Sunday paper? “It’s a wrap!”

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All i got right now. Thanks DW

8:31 am December, 23 Wheezer said...

I’m having computer problems and can’t seem to watch YouTube videos, nor do I have sound on those videos that do play. That’s usually a problem, but for the clip above, I’ll count my blessings this Holiday season (AKA “Christmanzaanukkah”).

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Adding to my holiday cheer is the latest carol from DW. Happy Alcoholidaze!