Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

8:18 am December, 24 Ted Brogan said...

That’s one hell of a catchy hook! But why is the audience calmly sitting down? Oh, Estonia…

8:57 am December, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

For all you late shoppers

http://lancaster.craigslist.org/tag/4249604142.html

9:29 am December, 24 Vin Douchal said...

I was taking a shit while watching this on my phone.

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My shit crawled back up my ass

10:23 am December, 24 Wheezer said...

[This posting has been flagged for removal. [?]]

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I guess dem late shoppers ain’t gettin’ squat, is dey?

10:53 am December, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house.

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Was a big bag of weed, as big as my cock

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The stockings were hung around my shoulders in air

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With hopes that she don’t have no pubic hair.

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The children all nestled, ensconsed in entitlement

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Wondering how the post Millenials will fare.

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They open their presents, “What the fuck is this

Samsung shit, Bree got an iPad Mini I hate you.”

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Out comes the tongue lash “Have some fucking respect you little bitch.”

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The little one’s turn to open her gift. ‘I don’t want a LeapPad

I want a tablet like she has, I hate you.”

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Doobies for breakfast, and scotch before lunch, maybe a few minutes to give Mrs. Kroeger a munch.

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“What are you doing to Mommy, I’m telling Grandma. ”

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Shouldn’t have taken the second Cialis.

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When out on the lawn the old dog lays a shit from eating Grandma’s buffet the night before.

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“Who’s this chick on Facebook wishing you a Merry Christmas. She a fucking whore.

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The beast stays silent with clonazepam and cheer, cause

ya can’t get hammered on Dad’s fucking lite beer.

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Boxing Day morning will begin with a crawl.

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Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, is my usual call

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But this year all I can say is Fuck you all

10:59 am December, 24 FredN. said...

Merry Xmas you fuckers, and don’t forget Jesus died so a topless blonde feminist could chainsaw his corpse in Kiev:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=034_1345223473

11:00 am December, 24 FredN. said...

Merry Xmas you pissers

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=526_1385897370

Those crazy-eyed bitches sure would be fun in the sack, amirite?

11:06 am December, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when in the house

Was a big back of weed, as big as my cock;

The stockings were hung round my neck with care,

In hopes that no pubes would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of unrealistic presents fuck their heads

And Mama in her panties, and me on Cialis

Settled our brains with doobies for a long winter’s nap —

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

The neighbour chick fell on her fat ass getting fatter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Close the windows, and threw up on the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,

Blew my mind as the anti-depressants did blow;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature person , about six years said,

“What the fuck is this, I wanted an iPad, I hate you.”

I knew in a moment that i was the prick.

The older one up,” What the fuck is this,

Where’s my MacBook Pro with retina screen,

IPads are for pussies Dad, I hate you.

“Now! Doobies, now! Scotch, now! Clonazepam and

Tums for breakfast, do we really have to take these

Little bitches around all day.” Fuck Me!- Fuck you;

The bitch has a fit and I get more stoned, no chance

On this day for me to get boned.

All fucking day to this place and that, I got so horny

I fucked a dead cat.

So Fuck Christmas and presents and shit.

It’s enough to make me ball.

And Merry Christmas to you my friends,

Merry Christmas and Fuck you all!

“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

“Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys — and St. Nicholas too:

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:

He was dress’d all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnish’d with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys was flung on his back,

And he look’d like a peddler just opening his pack:

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face, and a little round belly

That shook when he laugh’d, like a bowl full of jelly:

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laugh’d when I saw him in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And fill’d all the stockings; then turn’d with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —

Happy Christmas to all, and to all

11:13 am December, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Worst chainsaw ever!

11:14 am December, 24 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to watch Pat Robertson watch that topless hottie hack down the Russkie cross. His face would be priceless.

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Why are all our feminists fat hags we don’t want to see naked and the Russian anarchists are all cute with nice boobies?

11:14 am December, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Merry Christmas to all and to all Fuck you all.

12:30 pm December, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Lasted 20 seconds into the video before I sharted and started shaking uncontrollably. Then I regrouped and sharted once again.

1:12 pm December, 24 Douchble Helix said...

Some day we’ll look back on this, and it will all seem funny.

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Merry X-mas, ‘hunters!

1:35 pm December, 24 The Dude (remote loc) said...

That video ruins the pristine art form of raging punk rock. wtf is ‘Noordlagen’?

Rev Chad is kinda the Bing Crosby of our little Christmas campfire:

QUOTE: The children all nestled, ensconsed in entitlement

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Wondering how the post Millenials will fare.

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They open their presents, “What the fuck is this

Samsung shit, Bree got an iPad Mini I hate you.”

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Out comes the tongue lash “Have some fucking respect you little bitch.”/QUOTE

Sometimes, it does rhyme

When the snowbanks turn yellow

With processed lite beer

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Some Christmas haiku

Really brings Duck Dynasty

To the Tokyo bars

2:56 pm December, 24 Troy Tempest said...

Magic spooge poo stains:

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Dine-o-mite. fuck face.

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11:15 pm December, 24 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Finally got the joke in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when the big Samoan dude asks the naked music guy if the kleenex on his bed is “sad kleenex or happy kleenex?”

5:40 am December, 25 Wheezer said...

Just for today, “HCwDB” should mean “Happy Christmas with Double Boobies.”

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I think we could all go for that, huh?

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Happy holidays of whatever kind to all you fuccen hatters!