Ass Pear La Plante

    Thursday, April 5, 2012

    HCwDB – After Dark(Sock) Thursday Edition

    Douche McDingle visits us again, delivering the after-dark pear all lickety-split like, with aplomb and verve.

    I can’t get enough of  callipygian legend Ass Pear LaPlante

    So SUE ME.

    # posted by DarkSock
    Wednesday, April 4, 2012

    HCwDB After Dark – Douche McDingle gots mad leg for ya, baby

    This is where we get a leg up on the competition, gentle readers.

    Some share booty.  We disseminate Mass Ass.

    Because of your resounding showing in the comments section, we here at the well-greased machine that is the DarkSock Satellite Office feel that you have earned a precious nugget hidden away in the Pear Reserves, like a solid gold jet ski stashed in the Vatican vaults.

    Behold – Hallowed Hall o’ Pear Legend AssPear LaPlante:   The Front Side Of The Moon!

    # posted by DarkSock
    Tuesday, May 17, 2011

    Late Late Night Ass Pear: Ass Pear LaPlante Redux

    All I can say to this is…DAMN, GIRL.

    I would encase my head in amber, with only three straws protruding to deliver air and sustenance, and for 3 fortnight take seizure-inducing medications and become Oprah’s Human Vibrator, as Dr. Phil looked on sternly and drawling disapproval, just for the privilege of snorting her cat’s used litter.

    Because…DAMN, GIRL.

    # posted by DarkSock
    Monday, March 22, 2010

    HCwDB of the Week

    Because of all the site transitions (2.0 coming this Friday!) and the Monthly, we have a ton of quality mock-worthy hottie/douchey pics to pull from for today’s Weekly vote. Some tough omissions, too.

    Here’s your finalists:

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Freddie Von Gimp and Brenda

    This pic contains a perfect blending of skeezy and annoying hipsterbag, and tasty, award winning, firmly bounceable, top-shelf quality suckle thigh. And that makes a toxic HCwDB combo.

    Freddie is all that is sleazy in Sheboygan.

    Brenda is all that is cocaine to the ancient Mayans. Because the Mayans were crazy partiers like that. She is drinkable liquid hott.

    I would attend Brenda’s collegiate swim meets because I’m convinced she’s into me.

    Only to notice twenty other dudes in the fold-out stands thinking the same thing. And then I would weep quietly into my Slushee.

    Von Gimp pitches his tweaked out sleazoid game with the worst of residual “Mystery” echo, and for that, he is to be mocked on this site with great aplomb.

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Herpy McFly and Brunette Brenda

    Hello!!! Hello!!! McFly!!!

    I just love writing “McFly.”

    H-McF is nuclear glasses wearing proto-Jerz rankfoolery.

    As such, he harkens back to classic 2008 HCwDB. And Classic Jerz shoescrape will always have a home on HCwDB.

    And by home, I mean a place to be mocked for looking like a name-brand ambulatory billboard of the worst of garish consumer culture.

    Proving the DB1 needs more varied girl names to work into his rotation, Brunette Brenda is quality suckle toesies early Shannen Doherty “bitch-hott.” And do not discount the appeal of Bleethy bitch-hott for the industrial turmoil it causes in the gut.

    For that is often the recipe for great sex and a need for Pepcid AC.

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Captain Emo

    Captain Emo even showed up a second time with Maggie May, and some creepy dude named Karl.

    I predicted early on that 2010 would be the year of shift from classic Jerz Guid to the new viral strain of Hipsterbag, and Captain Emo is a perfect example.

    Captain Emo pitches his genitalia to the ladies as an “alternative” and sensitive singer/songwriter. But his desire to display his wares in the hopes of capturing a sexy bar wench like Maggie May here roots in the same wristdanna poo.

    (Dis)honorable mention to the Nuzz Monkey, the Oldbaggery of The Termigator, the commoditization of Jesus and Holy Red Cup of The Savior Bag, The greasy gaybaggery of Euro Crud and the far too bleethy Purple Nurples taint.

    So them’s your three.

    Only one coupling may make it to our next HCwDB of the Month. But which?

    Vote early, vote now, and vote, as always, in the comments thread.

    # posted by douchebag1