The Douchie Award

    Sunday, December 9, 2012

    The 2012 Douchies Start Tomorrow!

    Be there.

    Or be Mongorian.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, December 3, 2012

    Benzino and Rich Girl Rachel’s Girls are Getting Ready for the 2012 Douchie Awards

    Benzino’s even dressing up in his finest douchewear.

    Rich Girl Rachel’s Girls are plump and full of milkic anticipation.

    Even these bros are excited.

    The annual HCwDB awards show is almost on…

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Saturday, November 5, 2011

    The Douchies Begin December 5th

    Be there. Or be this guy.

    For those who’ve volunteered for this noble service, I salute you.

    If you see your name below, you’re in charge of giving out that Douchie Award.

    Write up a 2-3 paragraph summary of why the award is deserving, and email to your humble narrator by December 1st, along with 3-4 links to your runners-up.

    Douchiest Douche-Face — Douchey Wallnuts
    Most Annoying Rockerbag — CB Popped
    Comment of the Year — Wheezer
    Quartasians and Trannys — Douchble Helix
    Douchiest Hand Gesture — tall guy
    The John Largeman — Et Tu Douche?
    Douchiest ‘Bag Who May Be a Lesbian In Drag — Wedgie
    Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy – Medusa Oblongata
    Douchiest Creature From Ancient Greek Myth — Jacques Doucheteau
    The Douchebaguette — Mr. Scrotato Head
    Most Euro Eurobags — Reverend Chad Kroeger
    Smells Like Poo — Creature
    ‘Celebrity’ HCwDB Couple of the Year — Vin Douchal
    Most Annoying ‘Bagling — Nancy Dreusche
    The Ricky — Mr. White
    Hottest Librarian Hott — The Dude
    Greatest Crisis of Modernity — Hermit
    Douchiest ‘Athlete’ — Bob McAdouche
    Hottest Girl Next Door Hott — Douche Equis
    Clearest Proof of Natural Selection — DarkSock
    Most Expensive First Date Hott — Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
    The Yellowtail (Oldbag) — Mandouchian Candidate
    Douchiest ‘Bag Trend — Mr. Scrotato Head
    Greasiest Grease Stain — MusicFanatic
    Douchiest Hair — dbBen
    Douchiest Facial Fung — Douche Springsteen

    Still to be claimed if ya wanna participate (just claim it in this comments thread):

    —-

    I’ll, of course, be handing out the rest.

    A grateful nation salutes you.

    And props to scholar and learned thespian Medusa Oblongata for designing our 2011 trophy. The 2011 Douchies be on. They most certainly be on.

    EDIT: Updated the list.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, December 13, 2010

    Hottest Hott of the Year: Bracket 2

    Who don’t love the Hottness? Here’s Bracket #2:

    Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #1 (Bracket 2): Maureen from “Dr. Rosentongue”


    From April, Maureen’s greased up perfect body, gorgeous hair and lithe teeth hottness of a smile are hampered only by the large glasses.

    Without the ability to fully judge the eyes, Maureen’s hott can be questioned by the cynic.

    However, boobies like that do the following three things:

    1. Defy all cynicism

    2. Inspire eternal angels to sing synchronic harmonies on the clouds above

    3. Bounce jiggly

    As such, Maureen is my love.

    My future ex-wife.

    My heaven and my sunshine.

    My boobie hottie suckle thigh.

    Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #2 (Bracket 2): Pamela From “The Calibag”


    From mid August, Pamela continues an incredibly strong run for Brunettes in the second bracket.

    Hers are the eyes that will drain your bank account.

    She will leave you huddled and helpless, cowering naked with fear in your bathroom for the cruel excesses of an unjust universe.

    But you’d do it all again.

    For her perfume slays seals.

    And her smile, while rare, is worth it.

    Her shoulders call me to suckle on them.

    And so I do.

    And nibble.

    And then suckle again.

    Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #3 (Bracket 2): Holly from “Mister Liptatt and Holly”

    Continuing the strong brunette quality ubergnaw, lets add Holly, a Yearly finalist for HCwDB of the Year, but a well deserved Hott finalist on her own, from April, to the mix.

    Hott Vegas haunting body of sultry boobuousness.

    Her uberhottness melts through the camera in a sultry gaze of pure female hottitude.

    Hott.

    Yes she is.

    I babble.

    I babble because she is hott.

    Once I slapped a lemur for darting too quickly across the plain.

    When the lemur asked me, “Why doest thou slap me?” I replied: “Becaue Holly’s Body is Hotty.”

    And the lemur nodded his head knowingly.

    Hottest Hott of the Year Finalist #4 (Bracket 2): Arielle from “The Fratbrosephus Bros”


    A Weekly winner in November, the Fratbrosphus Bros, with their smuggy Smirnoff Ice nonsense, wouldn’t have even been mocked if not for Arielle’s ethereal hottness.

    But her perfect stare and hint of pokey boobie carries all into the future.

    Making this a Four Hott Brunettte-Off.

    Which of these four should win the coveted second Hottest Hott of the Year Douchie Award?

    Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

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    # posted by douchebag1