Bagling

    Saturday, October 5, 2013

    HCwDB: The Next Generation

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    Vanity Fair explains the next-generation of social media hookup HCwDB tragedy:

    ———–
    They arranged to rendezvous at a shopping mall in Los Angeles not far from the neighborhood where they lived. “Of course it was going to be a public place. And if it turned out he was really some gross old man, I’d just run away.” But there he was, standing by his car, looking almost like his picture. . . . Almost. There was something different about his face—it was “squishier. Like, he was almost fat.” But now here they were, and she didn’t know quite how to get out of it.

    He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. He smelled of Axe Body Spray. She was sorry she’d spent so much time getting ready for this. “I even waxed,” she said. He wanted her to get in his car, but she knew she shouldn’t. They started walking around the mall, “talking about nothing, nothing. It was awkward, totally weird.” He asked if she wanted to sit down, but there was nowhere to sit except in restaurants, so they wound up going inside a Pottery Barn and making out on a couch. Later she posted something on her Tumblr blog about the difficulty of finding love.
    ——————

    Pottery Barn, kids.

    Pottery Barn.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 29, 2012

    Justin Bieber’s Douchier Twin Gets Lucky With his Friend’s Hot Mom

    File this one under lazy comedy headlines. I’m gettin’ a doughnut.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 12, 2012

    Norbert McWhistle is Old Enough to Drink


    Now if only Norbert can prevent his voice from cracking for the next twenty minutes while he, Stephanie and Rachel discuss the merits of Katniss Everdeen, he’s totally in.

    Norbert’s sure of it.

    Well, maybe not so sure.

    But the guy in Jamaica said the Lucky Horseshoe necklace was, like, Rasta Spanish Fly.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 8, 2012

    I’ll Take ‘Tatts Teenagers Regret’ For $1200, Alex

    What is The Mayan symbol for nadsack?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    Next-Gen HCwDB

    Someday, long after this website is gone, your kids, and my kids, must lead the next generation into battle…

    For douchey mandanas will only mutate further…

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 5, 2012

    Melvin Finkelstein Wears White, Spends $1500 on Bottle Service, Is Still In Over His Head

    But I suppose on some level we gotta give Melvin Finkelstein a little something, you know, for the effort.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, May 29, 2012

    The BILF

    Also known as “The Bleeth I’d like to Forcibly Lecture About Being a Bad Mother.” Wait, maybe that’s a “BILFLABABM.”

    Wait, wasn’t Bilflababm one of the elves in Terry Brooks’s The Sword of Shannara?

    Yeah, I got nothin’.

    Except that baby doesn’t stand a chance. Awful tatts and a mediocre DJ career await.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, May 10, 2012

    The Gloumpa Gets Lucky


    Gloumpas need love, too.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 21, 2012

    Timmy’s Sparkly Bowtie Has Supernatural Powers

    I suppose I could link to the Animal House “thank you God!” clip, but lets try something else.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, January 16, 2012

    EuroTimmy Celebrates the HCwDB of the Week

    EuroTimmy sees Justin Bieber as a trailblazing crusader for pre-pubescent HCwDB rights. Sort of the Rosa Parks of the testosterone-challenged.

    Eastern European Leyona say no thank you for Appletini offer and to please stop ask.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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