Douchelips
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Thursday, May 16, 2013
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The Rusty Swab
‘Beware the swirling sleeve tatts of The Rusty Swab,’ whispered the seagull to the ancient mariner who bid adieu to his granddaughter Sophie at a wizened old port in Westchester.
And the rest was what Aristotle called tragedy and Marx called farce.
No not that Marx.
Loading ...According to Lorraine, Melvin Is Not Actually a Very Serious Pimp
According to Melvin, Melvin’s iTunes mix channel is like totally gonna blow up mad serious yo and you just wait.
According to the DB1, Lorraine’s belly requires immediate pooch spackle.
Loading ...THE BALLAD OF THUNDERSMIRK MCGEE
Duckface Molly Sims tries to fit in, but her hair betrays her. She pines for a simpler time when featherbacks reigned supreme, and she longs to have a relevant conversation about the dubious merits of replacing Kate Jackson with Shelley Hack.
ThunderSmirk McGee spikes his hair high in an attempt to draw attention away from his freakishly large nostrils. It is not working. There is also no reason to wear suspenders when you’ve already got a white belt with a DG buckle the size of a personal pan pizza.
We don’t need to see it to know it’s there.
Like the very air we breathe.
Loading ...Kisseus Vomitorious Has a New Tattoo
And by “tattoo,” I mean the crotch rash.
Loading ...Manuel Uses Doucheface to Hide Deep Insecurities About His Lovemaking Abilities with Kaylie
Kaylie’s youth filled celebration of female doe-eye hints at winterberries, kaleidoscopic sunrises, tangerine trees, and the DB1 hiding in her closet fondling her used gyroscope.
Loading ...Duckhead Hits the Town
Donkey Douche’s little bro, DuckHead Douche, is celebrating the news that D.D., while being denied parole, at least holds the distinction of being worth 2 cartons of Marlboro Reds. That’s a family record!
So it’s time to grab Busty McChesty and L’il Cher and hit the club!
Ducky does miss getting into big bro’s stash of booger sugar though…
Loading ...Owen Wilson Nose and Kissylips Pollute Sandy
Doucheface and Rayon Shirt piddle hyperbole like a salami on roller skates.
Loading ...Manuel Kissylips Ruins Shelley’s Debutante Ball
Look, we’ve all made stupidface in pics back in the day.
I get that.
But Kissylips?
Nope. Can’t say as I have.
Manuel is a douche. So let it be written. So let it be done.
Shelley giggles when tickled by an ostrich feather.
Loading ...The Punch Brothers Score Over Their Paygrade
Lets start off this week with a little Punch Brother Twin Doucheface action.
Angelica and her sexy mom, Sexy Mom Suzie, have clearly stumbled into the wrong club after their car hit a water buffalo.
This whole scene’ll end with some technicolor dream sequence dubstep masshup of The Gardens of the Fitzi-Continis.
Yup. Too much sugar with my corn flakes this morning. Please excuse the nonsense.
Loading ...Sneery McGee Is the Root of All Evil
I can’t prove it. But it’s my working hypothesis.
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