Dumbass

    Monday, June 3, 2013

    Derp Guy Wastes Everyone’s Time

    Tran w zaftig

    Brothabag Juan in the back introduces himself as a “Body Environmentalist.” When the ladies ask what that is, he explains that he doesn’t like to see boobies wasted.

    This pickup line has been known to work.

    Never.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, December 5, 2012

    Livin’ the Beard

    I’m not sure it qualifies as classically douchey, but for those men losing their hair who do the inverted shaved-head/beard thing, uhm no. Please stop.

    Dominatrix Monica suffocates me with the tatted thigh, and I thank her for it and ask for more.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 1, 2012

    Mr. Skidoo Takes Sophie on a Most Expensive First Date

    Sophie ordered the lobster.

    Mr. Skidoo had the crabs.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, August 28, 2012

    Joey Takes Umbrage

    Joey does not appreciate dead baby jokes.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 8, 2012

    Champagne Katie Vs. Nipstachio

    Speaking of HCwDB legends, for those wondering what’s up with confused HCwDB hottie, failed Hall of Hott Candidate, lawsuit filer, and all around internet attention ho’, Champagne Katie, turns out she’s currently in congress with failed Lucho Libre sensation Nipstachio.

    Oh well.

    There’s always tautpooch chew toy C.K. Beach Pear to help us recover.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, August 2, 2012

    Chester and Lana Pose for a Self Portrait Using a Bathroom Mirror

    Bustiers and Aqua Shirts suggest they are attending an academic conference on post-Derridean deconstruction in the reconfiguration of global praxis.

     

    Either that, or the $4.99 hot wings all-you-can-eat special at Surfer’s Delight off of Pico.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, June 29, 2012

    Friday Haiku

    
    

    Mmmm…nice firm Buddhas“…
    Far away, angry monks
    beat a Dolly Llama.

    At my inner peace
    With outer hostility
    bitch-slapping this tool

    – Charles Nelson Douchely

    Crunches not working
    For brunette. Salty diet caused
    Stroke then she picked him.

    – The Reverend Chad Kroeger

    Douchebag cops a feel
    Tibetans spin prayer wheels.
    Buddha clubs a seal.

    – hermit

    “I am destroyer
    of dignity”. Bleeths giggle
    but no enlightenment.

    – Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

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    # posted by DarkSock
    Friday, April 27, 2012

    Places to Store Your Cigarettes #42

    Well, I suppose it’s better than the pooper.

    Yup. That’s as creative as it gets on a Friday.

    I shouldn’ta eaten all those Twinkies yesterday.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, April 4, 2012

    Wrong Drink Roofied, Rufus?

    Rufus ain’t feelin’ so good…things are getting a little hazy…wait, is this HER appletini?

    Oh no…not again…

    *thump*….zzzzzzzzz

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    # posted by DarkSock
    Friday, March 16, 2012

    Froey Buttafucco

    What’s that?…

    In the distance…

    That strange buzzing noise…

    Why… it’s a Blueberry Snot Pie!!

    And it’s whizzing… right… towards… Winkolio’s face…

    SPLAT!!

    I would chew through legion of intertwined dancing licorice koalas just for the chance to softly rub the childhood blankie of the Malaysian seamstress who helped vulcanize the rubber that produced Lindsey’s taut boobal sweat. And then I would repose with a port wine, and read her Chaucer.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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