Existentialism

    Wednesday, December 4, 2013

    Bottle Spray as Phallic Substitute

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    One of the most bemusing of the rituals of douche culture is the overt sexual sublimation taking place when the alpha male of a given rave/party decides to suddenly spray champagne fluid on all those hot chicks around him.

    Like the marking of territory among bonobo chimpanzees, this ritual celebratory spraying of fluid is simply semantic semen, a Dionysian display of performative coitus by the king douche meant to communicate fertility and viability to the larger tribe.

    When understood anthropologically, the ritual ceases to symbolize a celebratory moment and becomes very, very silly.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Saturday, October 12, 2013

    Your Saturday Existentialism

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    Somewhere, deep in the American soul, there lies a rot.

    A spiritual malaise.

    A malignant vortex draining the spirit of harmony into a pit of existential despair.

    This.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, March 19, 2013

    “Fellini’s Sadoucheicon” (1978)

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    Sorry undergrads, they only screen this one in grad-level classes.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, February 5, 2013

    In Russia, Douche Bag You!

    BodyArmourBag

    “When Mikeal find time off from guarding gulag, wife Sonja like massively to display her huge tracks of land!” — From an early draft of Maxim Gorky’s 1896 play, “Sonja, Huge Tracks of Land: The Mistaken Proletariat”

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 3, 2013

    The End of All That Is Holy and Decent And The Rise of Douche Satan

    HorridBag

    And then this happened.

    EDIT: Caption This Pic contest in the threads. Top three to be posted this afternoon.

    EDIT #2: Your winners:

    #5: “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas. Except Chlamydia.” — Bag em, Tag em

    #4: “Dr. Nick could never remember to put the valve stems on the INside of the chest cavity.” – Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche

    #3: “Why can’t I get that hard?” – Dickie Fingers

    #2: “As Tommy chomped on Cindy’s right breast she suddenly flew backwards over the horizon with a wet farting roar.” – DarkSock

    #1: “With the assistance of a Kevlar banana hammock stretched tightly against his anus, Danny’s falsetto voice could make breasts swell until they burst. To celebrate his achievements, he tattooed on his chest the name of the school where he picked up his unique ability: the School for Wanking Young Donkeys.” – Jacques Doucheteau

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, November 21, 2012

    Minigroo Snags Sophia, Wins at the Game of Life

    You may now light your genitalia on fire. Reproducing is no longer a worthy endeavor.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, November 20, 2012

    Conceptual Paradox is a Cruel and Ironic She-Bitch


    So what if I told you that the Twinkie will likely be saved, but it will now be owned by the icon of herpsterbaggery, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer?

    Surely you’re joking Mr. Feynman.

    The idea that my once-favorite cheap beer, now coopted by Movember Instagramateurs and rendered fully Beer-Bleeth, could somehow partake in owning my delightful golden vanilla snack cake treat, is a concept too paradoxical to comprehend.

    But good news nonetheless, for the Tasty Snack Treat Diet ™ that I’ve patented will likely live on.

    Ah, screw it.

    Lets get some Lil’ Debbie instead.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 17, 2012

    True Love ™

    (Still not pictured)

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 10, 2012

    True Love

    (not pictured)

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, September 27, 2012

    The Family that Taps Together Craps Together

    We’re losing the war.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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