HCwDB of the Week

    Monday, November 26, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Minigroo and Sophia

    Minigroo isn’t an uberbag, although let us not go gentle into that douchey t-shirt. Minigroo makes no douche-face and makes no douche-hand-gesture.

    But bling + steve tatts and A/Xholery are not excusible. ‘Bag.

    On the hott Sophia offers footnoted references to early 11th Century Kabballah notes on butt fondle by none other than Maimonides himself. For that, I daven her tzochkies with deep and pensive reposic celebration, and then rub my Crisco-lubed forehead on her ankles with a vigorous shaking motion.

    Last week saw Hairwolf and Kelly, Semitic Celebrity Glute, and GAH!

    But none more HC and DB than this pairing.

    We’re almost at the last Monthly before a subdued and quiet 2012 Douchie Awards. You ready? You mirin? Come at him, bro.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 19, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Mutato the Bug-Eyed Freak and Sister Christie

    Your humb narrs is still recovering from Friday’s news.

    Nope.

    I’m just not ready to live in a post-Twinkie world. But life goes on, I guess. And so does the mock.

    For this week’s Weekly, we have a perfect example of douche aura. Where the sum of the hott/asswipe stench is greater than the tally of the douchetributes.

    Sure there was The Purplippia and the Perfection of the Mandy Twins. And poor unemployed Mitch Dillon taking solace with Party Jenny.

    Last week also saw visits from the usual ‘bags, Mongor and Early Pumpin’head.

    But from the newbies, none were more mutant than Mutato the Bug-Eyed Freak. And no more Twinkie Hostess cupcake chompers than Sister Christie.

    Chalk up the last Monthly before the 2012 Douchie Awards.

    And your humb narrs for oatmeal.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, November 12, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Gary Moldman and Vegas Bethany

    Last week had lots of craziness goin’ on roun’ aboutst these parts.

    There was the election-day Grieco/DB1 exchange.

    Peter Pumpin’head continued to inflate.

    There was Israeli Etan, you feel him bro?

    There was the boobulous Hurricane Sandy and Herpster Van.

    And serious HCwDB of the Year candidate Benzino bit a pear.

    But none impersonated HCwDB at its most crystalline quite like the Oldie Moldman and Vegas Bethany.

    See their asses in the last Monthly before the Yearly.

    And your humb narrs for Frosted Mini Wheat goodness.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 8, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather

    Last week didn’t really have any spectacularly mockworthy combos.

    So we’ll go with Tri-Vag Dave and Real World Heather.

    Heather isn’t an inflatahott, nor an ethereal party girl like Sheertina. But she brings real world cuteness. And so holds up the HC side.

    Tri-Vag Dave should know better. For that he is infuriating.

    Then again, so was Tutu Derek Smalls. And the art project that is Shminky and the Boob.

    Monday brings the Monthly. And your humb narrator brings the sugar cereal.

    Mmmm… Trader Joes discount Frosted Flakes…

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, October 1, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Alissa and the Pepscrote

    Last week we had Snuffaluffacrotch and Bozies. Pear Bombers and Taptastrophe.

    But nothing said classic HC and DB like Alissa’s barely legal sexy hip poke and the toolosity of Lawn Giland Pepscrote.

    Together, they make a smudgy brown insect stain on your throw rug.

    So we annoint them unholy, and I go for sugar cereal forage in the kitchen.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, September 24, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Yankee McSpankee and Andrea’s Dreas

    Maybe because my beloved Red Sox upchucked the proverbial half-chewed bit in a hail of suckwad this year, but I’mma give the HCwDB to Yankee McSpankee and the glories of Andrea’s Dreas.

    Last week also had Epic Dump, the Worst Anything in the History of Everything video, Herpster Jett, and even Paco McScribble and Candy’s Cans in competition.

    But idiotic grenade tatt is enough to claim ‘bag this week.

    And the Dreas are glories pokie prods of suckle fondle.

    So chalk ‘em, and your humb narrs for a toasted english muffin. With jelly. Lots of grape jelly.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, September 17, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Guyliner Graham and Goth Gayle

    While we had plenty of quality poo/hott last week, the guacamole making wrongness of Guyliner Graham and Goth Gayle was too butt-itch not to win/lose the Week.

    And it’s about time we mock some creepy ass Gothbaggery all up in this place. Ubiquitous Herpster Beer Ads during football have been making your humb narrs cry in his chips. That, and Patriot shank.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, September 4, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Jack the Lipper and Pouty Michaela

    With lip fung of herpsterian proportions, plus a punchworthy douche face that Seal Team Six really needs to address, combined with the sexy skeevy hott bank account ruining pout of Pouty Michaela, we have ourselves a winner/loser.

    Faux rock-star douche jackets punch the Baby Vishnu in the elephant trunk.

    And lets not forget the followup atrocity, Jack, Michaela, and Tom Petty Hott.

    It’s a worthy pool of pubeshake that flies poo on. And your humb narrs for Raisin Bran.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, August 27, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Methholio and Rachel

    Last week had Creepy Photobomb, and the wonderful future thigh rub Eurohott that was Inga. There was even Ed Hardouche and the Twins, which could easily be the Weekly HCwDB winner/loser.

    And while BroKevin and Supple Ashley also brought a solid fleshial challenge to the fight, in the end, this site is about mocking those most heinous of couplings between wretchchoad and pooch suckle.

    And oh, yes, Rachel offers the quality pooch suckle. I would tickle a Furby in a bout of 1990s-era nostalgia just to Chubawumba her Cake.

    And holy crap, “Self Made” Methholio is all that we have collectively decided to fight here at HCwDB. This toolwank needs Alex and his Droogs to sing Singing in the Rain to him beneath a barrage of lead pipes and British “What’s all this, then?” Bobbys looking the other way.

    For theirs is poo. And theirs is the Weekly.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, August 20, 2012

    HCwDB of the Week: Hipster Skeet and Meg

    Props to the excellent and holiest of crappy boat captains, the ‘Sock, for an amazing week of substitute mock.

    Your humb narrs is on his way back to lala to renew his alcoholism and love/hate relationship with the Hollywood hoi polloi. And by love/hate, I mean loathing floating in a sea of bitter rage and emotional dysfunction.

    But I digress.

    To honor the ‘Sock’s week of Pear (and mock), I down an extra shot of Mad Dog with my morning HoHos. And I burp. For his work, Sock earns an honorary pants salute.

    Getting back to the mock, we’ll go with Hipster Skeet and Meg for the Weekly. There were more toxic ‘bags, more horrifying everythings, and disturbingly large bazongagons, but in cohabit, The Skeet’s douche-hair and Meg’s innocence combine to form the right combo.

    And by right, I mean woodchipping a woodchuck just to see how much chipped chuck a woodchuck could be chipped into. Hipster douche suckles piglet teat.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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