Lawn Giland

    Monday, January 13, 2014

    Two People You Never, Ever Want to Have Dinner With

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    No, not even pot luck.

    And by pot luck, I mean groin unlucky.

    And by groin unlucky, I mean you will acquire an STD if you perform coitus.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, December 19, 2013

    A Whole Lotta Boing

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    With a little Faulkner thrown in for good measure.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 21, 2013

    Suburban Gangsta Joe is Totally Gangsta

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    Little known fact about throwing gang signs in outer Long Island when surrounded by loving friends and family: It makes you a douchescrote.

    Wait.

    That’s actually a well known fact.

    I’d also like to welcome the long time fans of HCwDB over at Girls Gone Wild who just bought an ad to help keep the site going. Show them some love. They’ve come a long way since whassisface left.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 22, 2013

    Marty Crotchensack Hits the Community College Pool Area

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    Supple Pamela and Giggle Kelly are bemused by Marty’s K-Mart bling as they take a break from majoring in pre-med. Or is it pre-law?

    Bonus points to anyone who can identify the flying alien spacecraft bong in the lower right of the pic.

    Banksy? Is that you?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 11, 2013

    Purple Perry Hits on Hott Mom Cheryl at the PTA After-Party

    Old-DB

    C’mon, you always suspected that those boring, stodgy Parent-Teacher-Association meetings that your mom and dad used to go to on a Tuesday night in the gym at your school weren’t all about funding and after-school programs, right?

    That’s because mom and dad never told you about the legendary PTA After-Parties.

    I even heard that Mick and Keith once dropped into the Jefferson Elementary PTA After-Party in Decatur, Illinois one Tuesday back in ’78. They did blow with Mrs. Everly off a fold-out desk in the janitorial closet until 4am that night. It took the custodial staff three days to clean the puke stains out of the lunchroom rug after that shindig, I tell you.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, March 26, 2013

    Car Self-Portraits With Camera Phones

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    Not just for the economic elites anymore.

    And remember kids, when wearing a designer sleeveless rayon/cotton hybrid, the second, third and fifth button must remain unbuttoned for proper aesthetic achievement.

    Angie prefers peppermint gum to spearmint.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, December 6, 2012

    Joey The Creepy Kid You Went to Basketball Camp With Mugs Hannah

    Joey, The Creepy Kid You Went to Basketball Camp With, is all grown up now.

    He lives in the garage over his parents house in Dix Hills, Long Island.

    He works in a paint store.

    He saves up for the weekends, where he blows all his cash on tattoos, Bud Light Limes, and betting the over on the Brooklyn Nets.

    Sexy Mayan-Eye-of-Coitus Hannah may be in community college in Great Neck, but her dream to become a costume designer for Broadway shows (a dream ever since she first saw Avenue Q in high school) is still very much alive.

    Or at least it was.

    Because Hannah’s father, Mr. Glickenfeld, has fallen down on the father job because he’s been overworked at the office and tired lately.

    And Joey’s taken advantage.

    There’s not much we can do to stop this atrocity, except for mock from a safe distance. And hope Hannah takes that roommate share on the UWS asap.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, December 5, 2012

    The Vulcans of Long Island

    Is this the one when Kirk and Spock almost kiss?

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 24, 2012

    TRICK OR TREAT WITH VALTREX

    Can all–temperature Cheer™ get that lingering smell of bleach and raw shrimp out of Umberto’s shiny, new khakis?

    Umberto’s mom is about to find out.

    You might want to give that umbrella a spritz, too.

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    # posted by Baron Von Goolo
    Thursday, September 27, 2012

    Alissa Takes the Pepsi Challenge

    It involves garish taste in clothes, excessive hair gel, words pronounced without the “r” sound, and a frightening rash on the inner thigh.

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    # posted by douchebag1