Reader Mail
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Reader Mail: Unclear on the Concept
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Bob Banks gregsteve505@gmail.com
Mar 26 (2 days ago)
to: douchebag1
Good Day,
Am Bob i would to know whether you carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock for sale if you do so email me with the price ranges on that so that i will know the one to offer and also i want to know if you accept
credit card as form of payment. Awaiting for your prompt reply.
Mr. Bob Banks
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Do I carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock?
Perhaps I do, Mr. Am Bob Banks.
Perhaps I do.
Loading ...Reader Mail: Phil is Inappropriate
Kellen writes up with a disturbing tale of Fratbaggery:
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DB1,
Sandwiched between these two sexy country girls is my buddy Phil. Phil likes to hunt, fish, and drink. When he drinks whiskey, he turns into a db.
His favorite game is Aliens. This is where Phil sneaks up behind a girl, thrusts his arm between her legs, and high fives her Mons Veneris. Apparently this is to replicate the eponymous scene where the Alien rips out of the guy’s chest, but nobody ever seems to get the joke but Phil.
- Kellen
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Uhm, I’m not sure where Phil comes from, but last I read, walking up to women and slapping them in inappropriate places is not a game called “Aliens.” It is a game called “Drink-in-Face and Lawsuit.”
Loading ...Reader Mail: Hardycar
Wedgie writes in:
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DB1:
I snapped this photo on Friday 2/10 while visiting a client in Coronado, an island city just across the bay from downtown San Diego. This is an affront to all of mankind, but is particularly galling by its presence on this most hallowed isle. For Coronado, as all patriotic U.S. Americans know, is both the birthplace of Seal Team 1, and the current residence for Seal Teams 1,3,5 & 7.
Not having any ordnance at my immediate disposal, I did the next best thing that came to mind, and peed on the rear bumper. In honor of Darksock.
We must keep up the fight. Remember, fellow hunters, it is always darkest before dawn.
Regards,
Wedgie
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It’s like a castrated gonorrheal elephant nad. Shaped like a car.
Good work, Wedgie. The battle continues.
Loading ...No More Friday Haiku
Haiku Guy from the most recent Friday Haiku writes in with a correctly worded and impressively well written (compared to the usual stuff) takedown request, and so I respek:
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Mr. Louis,
Please remove my photo and my name from this page immediately:
I’d also like to know who “Lo” is, in that this person felt the need to post my full legal name on your site (not sure why having a uniquely spelled name makes me a douche either? In fact I’ve never received anything but compliments. I guess my parents were more creative than “Lo’s” were). If they are someone I know, I’ll be quick to distance myself from them.
Clearly this mole had no respect for me when they decided to make it personal by associating my name to that picture. But your whole posting system is based upon being a coward it seems since anyone can post without joining and providing traceable information such as real name or email address… nice.
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No moles allowed to participate in the Mock. For they will rue the day.
Loading ...F#ckuhaterz responds to HCwDB
Musical afficianado F#ckuhaterz responded to yesterday’s critique of the melodic efforts of American Scrotelick in the comments threads with the following:
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Anyone who hates on this is a jealous idiot who probably f#cks his hand every night to the picture of his 300 pound grandmother! Expression of music is an art form it doesn’t matter who or what Is involved its about doing what you enjoy most! And none of you fags could probably EVER get a girl of that kind to even acknowledge your existence!!!!!!! So bathe in your bath of haterism and misery and try drinking some actright!!!!!
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Mmm… actright. It’s like Haterade. Only with more hegemony obeisance.
Loading ...Reader Mail: Lena’s Cry For Help from Fratland
Lena writes in with a Fratbrosephus self-tag:
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Subject: help
rescue me please!
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I’d like to help, Lena, I really would, as you are tasty blonde perky spank. But there’s just too many Fratbags making references to Dane Cook and Bud Light Lime jello shots to counter without a firehose and a large polo mallet.
Loading ...Reader Mail: The End of Librarian Hott Purity?
Mr. Biggs snapped this pic of Librarian Hott meeting a vortex of Douche Woo.
This tasks us with the following:
Have the signifiers of Librarian Hott neurotic-erotic entanglement become so coopted as to have become conceptually Bleethed?
And yes, the fact that that last sentence can communicate despite linguistic nonsensical phrasing gives me a deep and profound joy. Take that, Noam Chomsky.
Loading ...No More Dr. Douchebag
Angry Heather recants her previous missive:
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Dear DB1,
First, I would like thank you for posting the picture I submitted of my exboyfriend and I a few weeks ago, it is an honor that my photo made the cuts to be worthy of being published and I really appreciate it. I do love your website so much and I was shocked that it even made it up.
Unfortunately, I really wasn’t in the right state of mind when I submitted my bagicide letter and photo and would like you to take it down. I feel really badly but neither of us can take the beatdown (& I also don’t want to end up getting sued.)
You are the best, your website is #1 and I will always appreciate how kind it was of you to think my exboyfriend is one douched out jackass, so thank you, it makes me feel good in so many ways.
I will continue to frequent your site and get good laughs when I’m looking for something funny on the internet. Take care and keep the good postings coming. I’ll be a fan forever.
-Heather
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Easy come. Easy Botox.
Loading ...Reader Mail: Dr. Douchebag
PIC DELETED A spurned and angry Heather writes in with a Floridian douche tag on her ex-boyfriend, Dr. Douchebag:—————-
This is ——- aka Dr. Douchbag.
This scrote was a University of Miami Dermatology resident that got a job at Pinski Dermatology in Chicago and scrotishly broke up with me after one year of dating thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me and broke up with me to pursue his dreams of being a douchebag version of Dr. 90210 in Chicago.
It would mean the world to me if you posted him on your site, it would only serve him justice so others would agree with me he is a huge douchbag and douchy looking with saggy man breasts and messed up teeth that should have been glad to have had a girl that loved him like I did.
I would appreciate you willing to put this up to expose his Miami/Chicago/I think I am a cosmetic guru and love filling women’s faces with Botox because that is as close as he will get to hot women again self…
You guys are the best and I love your site.
Look up his place of business if you want. It is called Pinskiderm.
they are the #1 distributor of Botox in the entire Midwest… making him extremely douchy and worthy of your website since you expose douchebags of all shapes and sizes.
Feel free to include first and last names, I don’t mind.
Looking forward to seeing a post.
Happy new year & take care!
- Heather
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The “Dr. Oz” type of shallow psuedo-intellectual paternalistic “doctor” technique is absolutely a variant of the ‘bag virus. And while your email suggests personal bias, Heather, which may overwhelm the douche-tag’s logic system, I’m pleased to see the proper use of terms like scrote, if not myriad, in your ‘bagicide letter.
Loading ...No More Backwards Baseball Cap Toolscrape
Megan writes in:
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My boyfriend and I are in a picture and I’d like it removed. We are both upset about it and someone put his full name out on it. It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level. ANy way you vould just remove it ASAP thanks
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Steven Tyler hates it when gilr’s take it to the next level.
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