retro
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Wednesday, February 22, 2012
- @ 7:10 AM
- Categories: retro
- 13 comments
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- Categories: retro
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- @ 11:10 AM
- Categories: retro
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- @ 11:10 AM
- Categories: Oldbag, retro
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- @ 11:10 AM
- Categories: retro
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- @ 11:10 AM
- Categories: retro
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- @ 1:01 PM
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- @ 9:30 AM
- Categories: Clubaggery, retro
- 25 comments
When Wittgenstein Coughed Up a Furball
It was a cold November day in a classroom on the lower floor of Cambridge University.
1923.
Professor Ludwig Wittgenstein entered from the left.
He hunched over. The early Fall had brought with it an intemperate chill, and Wittgenstein’s arthritis has tasked his joints unceremoniously.
Wittgenstein paused.
Coughed.
Briefly picked up a piece of chalk.
Then put it down again.
Quietly, so soft that only a nearby graduate student could make out what he said, Wittgenstein remarked, “I smell future poo.”
That future is now.
Loading ...Bernie Is In Over His Pay Grade
In the 80s, this definitely would’ve been a wacky teen comedy starring Jon Cryer, Lea Thompson, and that guy from Die Hard with the pockmarked face as the angry principal, Mr. Fasterbender.
At least, that’s how it plays out in the 80s in my mind.
Loading ...Creepy Bukowski Fan Asks You If You’ve Ever Read Bukowski
The correct response to Creepy Bukowski Fan is: “Excuse me, I’m waiting for a friend. Now please do not soil upon my napkin.”
Loading ...Piet Mondrian Suffers in the Afterlife
From vanguard artistic movement to a douchebag’s shorts in just under a century.
Next up: 10 Degree Hat Tilt with a bicycle wheel sticking out of the top.
And yes, this is now officially becoming a trend.
Is early 20th Century impressionism the new Ed Hardy?
Loading ...Retro New Wave Wannabe Asswipes
Still out there.
Still pretending it’s 1982.
Still scoring barely legal Confused Purity Laura.
Still hoping to someday play keyboard with one finger.
Loading ...Breaking ‘Bag To the Future
It’s like a prom photo from a Bizarro 1950s Enchantment Under the Sea dance in which 40 year old douchebags travel back in time to go to prom with their mother, and then end up cooking meth out of a camper before they die of cancer.
Wait.
I appear to be mashing up my pop culture references in some Brundelfy-esque clash of contradictory signifiers.
Lets start over. His chin dribble looks like melted ant raisins. Mama Mary was once very hott, and the echo remains.
Loading ...“Wiggas And the Pear”
An excerpt from Shel Silverstein’s lesser known work, “Wiggas and the Pear”:
—–
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo
Went for a ride in a flying douche crew.
“Word up!”
“What fun!”
“He smells like poo!”
Said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo.
Ickle was captain, and Pickle was Poo
And Tickle served Red Bull and hip hop stew
As higher
And higher
And higher they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo,
Over the strippers and beyond the “Woo!”.
“Hold on!”
“Stay in!”
“I hope we do!”
Cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Poo
Never returned to the world they knew,
And nobody
Knows what’s
Happened to
Dear Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Poo.
—–
Loading ...The Unibro
The Unibro is, how you say, a peemp.
Not a pimp.
A peemp.
It’s like a pimp.
Only hairier.
Sanjine and Pritya have curves that make Vishnu high ten Ganesh.
Loading ...70s Fro Guy Wins at the Game of Post Divorce Life
You know what’s playing in 70s Fro Guy’s Toyota Prius don’t you?
That’s right.
Steely Dan’s Greatest Hits Vol. 2.
Babylon Sister.
Shake it.
Loading ...Envyus is Made Out of Plastic, Is Glad to Meet You
Plasticdouches posing as humans? Pretty sure Envyus was actually a villain from the old Doctor Who.
Both Katie and Vanessa are candy corn sunshine slappy slap drinks of sex salve carnal carnation butt bouquets, and so I salute their genetic ancestors with the ritual burning of fruitfly incense and awkward tree humping.
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