retro
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Thursday, June 30, 2011
- @ 1:23 PM
- Categories: retro
- 59 comments
- @ 2:20 PM
- Categories: Pudwack, retro
- 25 comments
- @ 9:20 AM
- Categories: Random HCwDB Movie, retro
- 23 comments
- @ 9:10 AM
- Categories: Douchepose, retro
- 24 comments
- @ 3:18 PM
- Categories: retro
- 32 comments
- @ 9:10 AM
- Categories: retro
- 65 comments
- @ 8:05 AM
- Categories: Sunday HCwDB Movie, retro
- 41 comments
- @ 7:00 AM
- Categories: retro
- 30 comments
- @ 11:10 AM
- Categories: Dumbass, retro
- 50 comments
- @ 10:00 AM
- Categories: retro
- 40 comments
Jean Jacket Pukoffsky
Jean Jacket Pukoffsky used to run with a motor cycle gang out of Baton Rouge.
You know the type. Liked to drink Schlitz by the caseload. Then smell each others underwears like truffle-searching French piglets hopped up on No-Doze.
Jean Jacket Pukoffksy. Could smell the cough syrup melting on the dashboard of his Hyundai at 2am in the parking lot of a Jack-in-the-Box.
Used to run with a girl named Daisy. Whose lips were the color of melted Grape-Ape koolaid spilled out the back of a police cruiser.
Daisy.
Her legs were long like, thickets of brambleberry hot dogs back to back off a links truck.
That all ended when an old southern Colonel named Tom McGee got so loaded one Arbor Day that he attempted to milk the Mayor’s chickens, causing the whole town to get quarantined by the C.D.C. over an Asian swine lupus outbreak.
I never did find that packet of Marlboros again. But I sure did try. I sure did try.
This post brought to you by “Random Tom Waits Song Lyric Generator.”
New! From Mattel.
Loading ...Come Back to the Ninety-Nine Cent Store, Jimmy Peen, Jimmy Peen
For those pants are bargain basement Woolworths designed by your momma atrocities.
Sissy and Mona deserve off-Broadway quality ab lick.
Loading ...Frolic Ninja
Do not mess with Frolic Ninja. For Frolic Ninja knows how to douche it up, Commodore 64 Style.
Loading ...Hyman Lickowitz
Hyman Lickowitz has one thing to say to the kids: Dry, lifeless hair can take the fun out of your life. But you can put it back with Brylcreem!
Loading ...Major Havoc Shirt Guy Runs With The Goose
There’s not really much to say about Major Havoc Shirt Guy and Suzie running with the Goose, except that it brought back a pleasant memory from your humble narrator’s childhood.
That period, in late 1984, when I owned Major Havoc at Cambridge’s late, great “1001 Plays.”
Loading ...That Dude You Knew In That Band in High School Who’s Name You Can’t Remember
Remember that dude you knew? The one in that band in high school? The one who’s name you can’t remember?
You remember. The band was called, like, “Wolverine Claw” or something. You used to see him in the quad between third and fourth period.
He was always bumming cigarettes. And failing math. And had a detailed explanation about how Yngwie Malmsteen’s fretwork totally, like, blew Steve Vai out of the water.
You remember. He had some plan to drive to California and “make it on the Strip.”
Whatever happened to that guy?
Now you know.
The last decade has not been kind.
Loading ...Retro 80s Douchery: “Just One of the Guys”
Very few embodied classic 1980s proto-baggery quite like the great 80s teen movie villain, William Zabka.
How many early signs of budding choadal development can you find in this clip?
Loading ...O Face Oswald
Oswald may dress like a sidekick villain from a mid-80s teen comedy. And while 80s teen comedy movie references normally make me happy, that don’t excuse the O-Face, Scrotewad.
Now step away from the Dean’s daughter before someone gets expelled.
Loading ...Retro HCwDB: With Bonus Kids Edition
Say what you will about the past, but one thing’s for certain. It’s remarkably dated.
EDIT: Reader SD points out that the pic is via the Awkward Family Photos blog.
Loading ...Baghwan Zenbeard Says…
Baghwan Zenbeard says:
This year will contain a multitude of hottie/douchey configurations you can not anticipate and can not prepare for. But you must mock. For the hottness requires lustful thoughts and demands on a society of culture fail that continues to permeate their boobages.
Well said, Baghwan Zenbeard.
You earn a hearty nottadouche and a goinpeace. Because the new year has made me feel generous.
As for the women, sell them to me. I will ravage the blonde uponst only the finest of stitched Iroquois sheets at break of dawn during the monsoon season, then call for tea and cale by moonlight, served by my servant man/boy, Urdu.
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