Rockerbag

    Monday, April 8, 2013

    Props to the ‘Sock!!

    56

    I’m back, bitches!! Walkabout: enlightening like a Don Draper doorway. Tasty HoHos?: Consumed. Alcoholism: like a rusty steak knife cutting through a well aged steak.

    Props to the great DarkSock (not pictured) for a week well handled in driving the ole’ HCwDB bus.

    This deserves an 80s Slow clap.

    And, of course, an image of an unholy rockerscrote mugging a sweet poodle pooch hottie globble fondle.

    Also, I think I finally fixed the damn mysterious bug that was crashing the site everyday. Who knows? I’m holding this leaky ship together with duct tape and spittle at this point. But we may be operating at 100% again.

    So I got that going for me.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 20, 2013

    Why British Yobs With Bad Teeth Become Rock Stars

    Why-people-want-to-be-rockstars

    I know I talk about Rockstar Leniency Rule in service of the performative arts. But Ronnie Wood, yer ballsack is taskin’ me, man. It’s taskin’ me.

    EDIT: What’s all this, then? Apparently that’s Rod Stewart on the left as well. Piss off, ya tossers!! Nice teeth.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, December 3, 2012

    Bonro and The Ledge Struggle to Make Ends Meet in an Alternate Reality

    Ever since the failure of the 1997 demo CD, “The Josephus Tree,” Bonro and The Ledge have pieced together rent money working at various Dublin nightclubs.

    Irish Mary is not impressed.

    And by alternate reality, I mean this reality.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, September 12, 2012

    Guyliner Graham Grabs Goth Gayle

    Together, they make guacamole.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, August 22, 2012

    Breaking: Faux-Punk Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Cliche to Marry Nickelbag

    Someone’s marrying someone. This is news for some reason.

    ——-
    AVRIL Lavigne has shocked fans by announcing she’s engaged – to Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger.

    The pair have only been dating for six months, after teaming up to write a song for the Canadian pop star’s new album.

    Avril and Chad – who, at 37, is 10 years older than his bride-to-be – have managed to keep their romance under wraps since meeting.

    But a spokesperson for Avril has confirmed she’s to tie the knot after the singer retweeted news of their engagement.

    The unlikely duo fell in love while working together on a tune for the singer’s upcoming fifth studio album – the follow-up to her 2011 collection Goodbye Lullaby.
    An insider told People: “A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together.

    “He makes her so happy. Both of their families could not be more excited.”
    ———-

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, August 6, 2012

    Heyzoos says “Heyyyyy!”

    Heyzoos likes Skynard, man.

    Shen-Li’s brother is at M.I.T. and no longer speaks to her.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, June 6, 2012

    Trapped in a Skeezer Sandwich

    Don’t look down, Kelly!

    Those aren’t barstools poking you in the thigh!

    Yeah, I got nothin’. Too early. Stupid coffee. Not strong enough. Yet so delicious.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, March 15, 2012

    Bandholes

    Still out there.

    Still unsure how to play a 7th chord.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, March 14, 2012

    Douche Richards

    Not the most creative name to mock this unholy asstastic rocker spawn of douchewankery, but when I’ve spent the day chasing pouty librarian hotts through Central Park, you’ll understand if my post West Village Bistro Burger haze is less than fully coherent.

    EDIT: I used a stock pic, but reader MC900FootDouchebag submits an actual pic he took of his Bistro Burger last week. Far more authentic. And tasty.

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    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, February 27, 2012

    Coldplay Sucks


    I have never liked the band Coldplay.

    Preening Aryan Chris Martin’s musical pablum is generic chord vomit, a eugenics based fascist musical regurgitation of melodic spew. A computer program of inoffensive “hit” generation. If A$=minor chord, print “emotions sway like ecstasy.”

    But is Chris Martin a douche?

    So far, no. With Rock Star Leniency combined with his apparent refusal to spectacle himself into a clown like compatriots like Gavin Rossdale, along with his apparent responsible dad skills, means I can only hate the game and not the player.

    Which pisses me off.

    I’m watchin’ you, generic fraud for the millennial set. Your teenage weepsterbation is a societal crime. And it shall not pass.

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    # posted by douchebag1
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