Hot Chicks with Douchebags

The Putzshmuck Hits on Daria

douchebag1 — Wed, 16 May 2012 07:39:05 +0000

As the great Lenny Bruce once said, “Hey! What’s with this putzshmuck hitting on Daria?”

I’m paraphrasing, of course.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall…

douchebag1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:40:36 +0000

Who’s the something something with hot chicks of them all?

I know what you need.

Some ass pear ass pear.

Reader Mail: Stalkin’ Stokke

douchebag1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 12:56:57 +0000

Reader Mr. Biggs writes in to let us know he’s off in search of suckle Semitic pole vaulter, Alison Stokke.

———–
Going to Eugene for the olympic track trials!

That is all, thought I’d share that with you. All I ask is for you to help me cast a dragnet so I can better locate and stalk Allison Stokke. She’s even Sephardi. :D

- Mr. Biggs
———–

Of whither toned bod there is no finer.

One Word Tuesday

douchebag1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 11:35:40 +0000

Spewchart.

‘Bag Sandwich: Celebrity Wannabe Edition

douchebag1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 09:34:29 +0000

What happens when a Ryan Seacrest looking douchebag and D.J. Cornholio decide to crunch Giggle Gigi in a ‘Bag Sandwich formation?

Well, nothing.

Nothing really happens.

Except they get mocked on HCwDB. And the DB1 sips a tasty Mr. Pibb and sighs quietly.

Antler Horns For the Win

douchebag1 — Tue, 15 May 2012 07:31:40 +0000

It’s like nature and happenstance giving the bunny ears to a douchebag as per the collective unconscious.

The DB1 Spewcharts

douchebag1 — Mon, 14 May 2012 15:20:59 +0000

Let me recap my last five minutes.

I enjoyed two tasty Hostess HoHos with a glass of milk. Seeing as Hostess may be bankrupting their tasty snack cakes into the dustbin of history, I have been doing double-duty on my processed treat consumption.

Then I viewed this pic.

And immediately spewcharted HoHo crumbs, milk, and drool across my computer, accompanied by the noise, “Baloggooo.”

What’s a “spewchart”? It’s like a shart and a spit-take mixed into one. But only if it causes you to say “Baloggoo” in process.

That’s what douchetatts, hand gesture, and a picture of American rot’ll do to a guy’s post lunch mid-afternoon snack cake break.

Caption This Pic

douchebag1 — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:55:26 +0000

“Well, this is hawkward.”

The Brobot May or May Not Approve of the HCwDB of the Week

douchebag1 — Mon, 14 May 2012 10:10:16 +0000

The Brobot doesn’t easily express emotions.

It’s because of his distant father, Germanic background, and lack of emotional programming beneath his many douche scarves.

Yup, February’s HCwDB of the Week winning moobster is still out there. Still robotically hitting on the hotts.

It’s enough to give a ferret angina.

But Kelly Minx offers supple boobal curve spankle dwarf rhesus fondle.

HCwDB of the Week: The Voguegina and Furry Amanda

douchebag1 — Mon, 14 May 2012 07:10:54 +0000

Last week saw plenty of noxious toxicity wrapped in a piece of bacon.

There were Muscles McEuro and Joey Brolin looking boobs. There were pudgy ‘Baglings, Herpster Taint, and creepy Ukranians.

There was HarvestHead, and even RoboBro and Miley Cyrus Hott.

But what can match creepily angular doucheface, douche hand gesture #512, and furry kitten boobosity, together at 2pm on the deck of the Princess Carnival Cruise Line?

I thought not.

Kittern herpster hotts are also obnoxious, I grant you that. Furry Amanda is not clean. But, as counterweight to that point, I offer you natural boobs.

Exactly.

Chalk up our last entrant in the next HCwDB of the Month, and your humble narrator for instant oatmeal.