Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Rehabber 'Bags

PIC DELETED
Looks like another pic from the DNA filled cloudy waters of the Rehabbers Brunch at the Hard Rock in Vegas. Yup, the same Heart of Darkness river I journed up back in August.

In fact I feel like these two have been featured before on the site. Either that or all the muscle douches from the Hard Rock semen pool are starting to run together.

That place is like douche Nirvana. To paraphrase Ferris, if you have the means I highly recommend you check it out.

Blondbacca

The only thing better than kicking back with a Newcastle after a long day of work is seeing a wooly dreadlocked douche macking on five feet two inches of pure cheerleader goodness.

This medieval crusader from the CapitolOne commercials takes his ‘baggery to next-level incoherence through the perfectly placed lip-ring.

A word to the wise: If you’re going to spot a wigga rasta unwashed feral look when hitting on the ladies, adding the lip-ring will blow the deal. You can’t simultaneously sport the unkept 1970s Brazilian Soccer Team look AND a hipster lip-ring and have any hope of scoring with a hot piece of sex goodness.

It is at this point that DB1 realizes that Blondbacca has, in fact, snared a sexy young thing with a drool inducing collar bone.

Uhm…

DB1 is now intravenously adminstering shots of Jaeger.

Blondbacca says, “Vote for HCwD of the Week!”

And yes, the DB1 is aware that Blondbacca has made a previous appearance on this site, but he is way too hung over to go back and find it.

HCwD of the Week: Sandbag Edition

Not sure why these three are “SandBags.” Maybe I’m running out of ‘bag puns. Maybe they make me want to sandpaper my eyeballs out. Some of these aren’t as truly grease drippingly scrotey a selection of douchitude as last week with White Chocolate and Socrates Douche, but still some choice douchebaggery and seriously smoking hotties to choose from this week. So without further ado, lets get to the ‘baggery.

HCwD of the Week #1: Barbarino ‘Bag

The urge to punt this scrote in the nads is positively transfixing. I can think of nothing else. Well, except my deep and abiding love for this candy corn Halloween treat. So clean. So perky.

I love her.

I know I’ve said that before. I know you think I fall in and out of love faster than a hard up Whitney Houston trying to score smack in Vegas. I know I’ve said it before about other hotties.

But this one is special. And she’s been mauled by one of the extras from “Rumblefish.” Whether this pud’s real name is Billy, Barry or Bobby, I want to roll him up in a rug and dump him in the east river.

Damn this pic makes me mad.

Moving on:

HCwD of the Week #2: Alice and the Mad Hatter

This one really just kinda sorta speaks volumes without my having to say anything extra, don’t it?

Well if I gotta say something, it’s simply that I’d like to pluck out Mad Hatter’s ‘stache bit by bit with a rusty tweasers. Anyone who fondles a cutie like that while wearing the Kill Bill outfit deserves a beating. The Elvis glasses are what knocked this ‘bag into the finalist category.

Not to mention the hotness of Alice here. I like.

HCwD #3: Bloom ‘Bag and the Striped Raven

This is one of those rare HCwD pics where the strength of the hottie helps elevate it to the final round. Not to say Orlando Bloom’Bag here isn’t the embodiment of all that is greasy wrong with culture and society in today’s post-douchic world.

She is so damn fine. I know I said I was in love a few minutes ago. But now I’m really in love.

But first I would set a hungry ferret at work taking care of that boney scrod so I could get Striped Raven all by lonesome.

Special shout-out to Tux Scrote, and FootBag, both of whom just missed the cut. So what say you, people? Who’s our ‘bag of the week? As always, vote in the comments thread.

Fan Mail

can you please remove my picture from your website.

Barbie and The Muscle 'Bag

I want to seperate these two with a fire hose. Sweaty, saggy, Oldie McGrease, fondling this petite, enhanced, Griecoed out barbie doll simply offends the Lords of Kobol.

There is no coming back for inflato-raft Barbie here. Prolonged exposure to a Source-Douche has rendered into a state of pure, cooked, 100% Bleeth. All that’s missing is the mug shot.

Damn, this pic is too much for DB1 on a Sunday. That’s what I get for eating way too much pizza after seeing “Casino Royale” last night. Megods, I would set my eyebrows on fire just for the chance to floss Eva Green’s cat’s teeth.

Fish Boy

I can’t tell how hot this pimped out hottie is, but any half-drunk college chick with a red feather boa makes me happy in the happy place where happiness happys the happy.

As to Fish Boy douchebag, the signs are subtle but ‘bag status is achieved through ‘bag-face.

Tell me you don’t want to dunk that face into a tub full of pirhannas.

Douchey Style II

One pic of a douchey style HCwD formation is simply a travesty. Two is an epidemic. Douchey doggie slapping is sweeping the ‘bag populace like a sub-strain virus. Horse ‘Bag here only makes it worse with his greasy head and shiney low cut blowse.

It ain’t the most flattering pic for blondie, but I’d still tiptoe through the tulips to fill out her W4 tax forms in March.

The Jeans miniskirt is definitely a DB1 fave these days. And those legs. Mein gott. Fantastic.

Night Train

Just wanted to give a shout-out special thanks to those of you who donated to help keep the site going. Every little bit is appreciated to defray the costs of the site, even five bucks.

I’m putting the donate button over to the left. No, on the other side of this terrifying heaping pile of douche.

To the vast majority who ignored the pledge drive, believe me I understand. Nothing’s ‘baggier than some douchebag with a website asking for cash. However, alls I ask is that if you enjoy coming to the site and appreciate all the HCwD hunting your humble narrator has performed, throw a few bucks my way. Paypal keeps you anonymous and you can donate by credit card without registering a PayPal account, and all that good stuff.

So help a douchebag out when you get a chance. It’s appreciated. There’s plenty more hair gelled out Jesus blinged douchebags who deserve our mocking and contempt. Help keep our ‘bag hunting going by kicking in a Night Train donation or two. If you don’t and you end up seeing your ex getting fondled by some greased up Jersey scrote on the site, well, it’s karma baby. Karma.

And if you don’t, I’m going to leave this pic up all weekend.

Friday Pirate Haiku

Arrrr! Matey of Scrote,
Your douche ship sets sail anon.
Cleavite down below.

EDIT: boingy in the comments section, chimes in:

hector the pirate
sailed the seven seas of scrote
for second rate trim

Anime Girl and The Non-Bag Who Could Kick DB1's Ass

Here’s another dude who isn’t particularly douchebaggy and could easily kick my ass while sipping a port wine. However busting ‘Bag Hand Gesture #13 is enough to give me an excuse to post the finest lithe body this side of Anime.

I would manga her Utena. I would Star Blazers her Mononoke. She can gasp with disturbingly wide eyed shock while brandishing a sword while effeminate looking Japanese men morph into spirit creatures. I would then jump through the air, holding a perfectly still pose with three beads of sweat on my head, before rescuing her by fighting off an enormous tendriled octopus. She would fall into my arms with the cry of a little school girl, and then defend me from spirit bullets with her metal wrist bracelets.

Ahh… Anime Girl. I would enjoy an extra six orders at Matsuhitsa while toasting sake to your supple perfection.