Bombay Nights
Proving once again that douchebaggery cuts across not only racial and ethnic lines, but regional and national ones, behold creepy Indian Dirk Diggler showing off his large banana.
I’d line dance to falsetto melodies with ten thousand extras being paid in grape-leaves and orange juice, just for the chance to co-star in her sixteenth movie shot over four months. Then I would sword fight while overacting for the long shots until the love triangle emerged in Act 2. There would be only one way to solve the love triangle while charming her father, and that would be with more song and dance numbers.
My masterly skill would involve numerous chase scenes and one evil Pakistani, whom I’d pay off with tobacco barrels and Chinese rice wines. After saving the princess, stopping only for one more extended song and dance number, I’d lean in for the kiss as the screen faded out.
Mmm… then back in our trailers I would curry her vindaloo and ask Vishnu for forgiveness.
