Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

The Lohan may be batshit crazy firecrotch ruin-your-credit-rating, but I would still nibble lightly on her middle toe with a touch of wasabi. But, regardless, her boyfriend is a huge douche.

Here’s your Friday links:

On Ebay, steaming piles of bedazzled rhesus monkey poo can sell for over $300 bucks. Get yer bids in!

Today in Florida: Spring Breakbaggery on the Beach.

The long running and always amusing King of the Hill had an episode where Bobby douches out. Ah yes, I remember when animated shows were clever and creative. Or, as I like to term it, the years B.S.F. (Before Seth MacFarlane)

Speaking of orange, why am I not surprised to discover some of the architects of the financial meltdown are also huge douches? I give you Angelo Mozilo, former CEO of Countrywide Financial. Who, in addition to helping to destroy the entire market-based capital system, is also an orange turd.

Caddyshack’s uberhott party girl, Lacy Underall, has her own website. Mmm… milfy.

It’s from 2007, but this article on Preppiebags in Georgetown is pretty amusing.

Your humble narrator is now on Twitter. I’m not sure why, and it seems pointless and self indulgent. But come hear me tweet. For those who don’t like hotlinks, it’s @JayLouis or something.

Like Lane Meyer before you, may you successfully ski the K-12 tonight. And land your very own Monique to give you language lessons.

And then watch a claymation hamburger rock out to Van Halen.

Ask DB1: Does Vegas = Autobag?

—-
DB1 –

– the motley douche
—-

Having made the perilous trip to the Heart of Doucheness myself, as detailed in my book, I can safely say that confrontation of the Source Virus of global douchescrote and hott pollutant can be participated in without permanent disability.

But be warned, TMD. The siren song will call to you, and it will be punctuated with cries of “Woooo!!” and a funky techno beat. Do not be swayed. Be strong of mind and clean of taint, and you will emerge unscathed.

HCwDB Turns 3!

Ah, to think, when I first started my ranting at a culture gone douche, lo those three years ago, little did I know how many would share my plight.

It has been my honor and privilege to provide you with daily scrotes to be mocked and hotts to be celebrated for their unearned genetic merit.

This site has provided a needed daily therapy for me to rant against a fetishized cultural spectacle gone trainwreck. And also boobies.

But there’s no way I could keep this up without the regulars in the threads and the emails I get from around the world.

There are two major announcements coming for HCwDB in 2009 involving both TV and film.

However, as with the usual snail’s pace, I still can’t announce actual details on either. But very soon, my fellow ‘bag mockers and boob appreciators, we will be taking the dialectics of the boobie/choadey to the next proverbial level.

This should be an interesting year to say the least.

Now back to your regularly scheduled pooshebags.

Friday Haiku

In Security,
Aqua Twins smell chin pube taint,
Kim wants to go home.

Wonder Twin powers
Activated a nightmare.
Need a real bouncer.

— boatbutter

chubby douche lives strong
security is his life
day job – mickey d’s

— Bag A

A dark void black hole
Overpowers teal flowers
The universe sucks

— IdahoHottPotato

Cross on belt buckle –
Who needs to wear a condom?
Jesus saves my wang.

— Holbrooks Douchestershire Sauce

Douche clutches Aqua
Twin Coach Bag Force night before
Jen’s rhinoplasty.

— massengill

Larry thinks threesome
Is a possibility
Kim dreams of cheese fries

— Yahoo Scrotius

‘Bag Aura

Here’s a great example of ‘Bag Aura.

‘Bag Aura is when the ‘bags in question aren’t objectively superdouchey, yet their affect in presence of hott creates a visceral nausea akin to eating rotten fruit, expired chicken, or anything they serve at Olive Garden.

This is not to say these ‘bags aren’t legitimately rank.

Only that their affect in presence of bouncy bikini is far worse than any hand gestures, bling or douche-face poses they offer.

The math doesn’t add up, and the remainder must be explained as aura.

'Bag Aura

Here’s a great example of ‘Bag Aura.

‘Bag Aura is when the ‘bags in question aren’t objectively superdouchey, yet their affect in presence of hott creates a visceral nausea akin to eating rotten fruit, expired chicken, or anything they serve at Olive Garden.

This is not to say these ‘bags aren’t legitimately rank.

Only that their affect in presence of bouncy bikini is far worse than any hand gestures, bling or douche-face poses they offer.

The math doesn’t add up, and the remainder must be explained as aura.

Kurts Florida ‘Tag

—-
DBUno-

Regards,
-Kurt
—-

Amazingly, you can tell she’s hot without seeing her face, and you can tell he’s a douche merely from one arm and half of his face.

Either that, or I can smell the chlamydia.

Kurts Florida 'Tag

—-
DBUno-

Regards,
-Kurt
—-

Amazingly, you can tell she’s hot without seeing her face, and you can tell he’s a douche merely from one arm and half of his face.

Either that, or I can smell the chlamydia.

Ask DB1: Hotness and Gender

—-
Hi DB1,

– Hot but don’t wanna douche.
—-

Uhm. Yeah.

Since you bought the book, I will grant leeway at this entry-level query into the world of douchal spectacle, and add only that, yes, the answer is in my book. Physical looks are not a factor in the douchey/hottie dialectics. Female hottness, conversely, can also turn to Bleeth just as easily, no matter the quality of the suckle thigh.

But I appreciate your query,HBDWD, and will try not to judge you too harshly for your moniker. Since you bought the book.

Caption This Pic

After Running the Trifratthalon, Spencer managed to distract two nearby ladies from the Mohawk Dress Competition, coming up next.