Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The "I'm Getting Some" Defense

Much of the douchewank defense rests around the notion of an “ends justify the scrote” mentality. That if you “get some” as a result of clownish buffoonishness, then it is inherently justified.

This is the core concept of choadscrote defense that we, on our mission quest, must overturn.

Spectacle in the service of Ass Pear is not, in and of itself a justification. Ass Pear can be achieved without a turn to narcissistic brand-name spectacle. All it takes is a cultural shift. A revolution.

That’s what HCwDB is dedicated to.

By shifting notions of the sexually desirable into an unattainably symbolic “Otherness”, what Lacan calls the Objet Petit a, consumer culture fuels this chase for the unattainable through purchase of the brand-name object.

Ed Hardy, Affliction, A/X, Grey Goose, each of these products work to sell themselves as means to the Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh to the Douchewank and, simultaneously, that if the Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh agrees to boink the Douchewank, that she has acquired the cultural capital to validate her own hottness.

The products are the scorecard. Name Brands as hierarchy. Bodyspray as sexualized determinant. Jewelry, sunglasses, hair spike, all the costume of sexual validation forced upon us within cultural structure patterns.

This sexual dialectic has become inherently corrupted by mass culture. Our bodies have become the templates of this tug of war product inscription. Our eros forced to intermingle with market style branding.

So no, whether or not you “get some” does not validate participation in the systemic corruption of intimacy into the culturally validated media spectacle. The means do not justify the ends.

Even if the ends are a luciously pluckable Ass Pear.

Hot Chick (with a Douchebag)

HCwDB’s very own Vinnie Scumbaglia has produced an epic musical anthem for our generation:

Hot Chick (with a Douchebag).

Zappa-esque genius, I am honored, sir.

Enjoy!!

Friday Thoughts and Links

I’m debating whether I want to go to the theaters tonight to see Tyler Perry’s House of Racism.

Or maybe I’ll stay home and rent Tyler Perry’s Crossdressing Gender Stereotypes About Overweight Black Women.

Or maybe I’ll wait a month for Tyler Perry’s Please Don’t Realize Eddie Murphy Did This Shtick Infinitely Better Twenty-Five Years Ago.

Here’s your links:

The “Shocker” hand gesture makes it all the way down to a “Boobs on Bikes” parade in New Zealand. Brett? Check. Jermaine? Check.

Witness The Douche Pie-Slap. Which is actually pretty hilarious, and earns the Fratturd some props for creativity.

The Cultural Plague that is “Ed Hardy” is now an “celebrity” energy drink. And bedsheets too???

The Mayerbag continues fruitless quest to date his own ego.

Why does steam come out of her vagina? Yahoo Answers has the answer.

More pics of Orange Jeter’s Cynthia over at Barstoolsports.com, where they apparently call her by her real name. Pshaw. No real names in the simulacrum, people. No need. They are all phantasms of projection, pure spectrality and without corporeality.

They’re remaking the greatest Harlem Kung-Fu epic of all time, The Last Dragon and considering famed abuse victim Rihanna to play the Vanity role. Another piece of my childhood shrivels up and dies.

The real Sho’Nuff will rule forever.

Breaking: Guy Fieri is Still a Douche

Future fry cook at Venus, Guy Fieri, was given an honorary Douchebag on the Month already.

This post is to confirm that he is still a huge heaping douche. This time in the presence of a bouncy, if slightly milfy, brunette cute.

Further proof: His ironic use of a Gweedo shirt.

Alberto Sez…

Yo.

Like contemplate the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, yo. Because that cat could be alive AND dead at the same time, knawwasayin’? That shizz is dope!!

Friday Haiku

Pepe got four rings, man.
Life is so very much better,
than in San Juan.

Blond wants to meet band,
Papa Roach rodie says, “No
head no backstage pass!”

— Maximus Douchemus Meridius

Delicious Katie,
Summer fun comes crashing down
When test results come.

— boatbutter

girl next door hottness
must have to pay her a lot
to pose with douchewank

— Bag A

Pedro loves his job
Alpha Chi out on the town
Pre-kidnapping pic

— Yahoo Scrotius

Former champion
Thumb wrestler shows battle wound
That ended career.

— Crucial Head

Jon Bon Jerzy

He gives love… a missing chromosome name.

Although Felix the Cat does earn at least a 1-point reduction in his ‘bag scoring.

And she is halfasian noodle soup goodness.

Crosshair McJohnson Says “I Rock”

Crosshair McJohnson reminds you that he rocks.

Pouty Paid to Pose hott has the full Monica Bellucci lips that cause feral alcohol syndrome albino dwarfs from outer Floren to cast themselves into the pit of dispair.

Crosshair McJohnson Says "I Rock"

Crosshair McJohnson reminds you that he rocks.

Pouty Paid to Pose hott has the full Monica Bellucci lips that cause feral alcohol syndrome albino dwarfs from outer Floren to cast themselves into the pit of dispair.

‘Bag Tagging: Charleston

Elyse writes in with a brevity tag:

—-
Hey DB1-

Elyse
—-

A doof indeed, Elyse. A doof indeed.

You have a lovely Karen Allen in Raiders thing. I would make you wear a white dress and let you drink me under the table after grabbing the butter knife, just for the chance to Temple your Dooms. And pretend IV never happened.