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Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Fred Seagull Poop
Because nothing says “Ready to Party” quite like the matching skullz t-shirt and rhinestone belt buckle ensemble there, Freddy S.
The orangeness and droid-hair are simply bonus.
And by bonus, I mean sucker punching a British street urchin in the nads.
Someday Margaret will make a great P.T.A. mom. And will look back fondly on her wild year dating the guy who ruined her credit rating.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010Quiz Roid Pops a Squat
The mystery of last Thursday’s Quizzical Hemorrhoid grows more inflamed by the day.
What creepy douche-spell has he cast on the princesses in this medieval theater troupe?
Has Lady Stumpy Legs in the back sought medical help for her pigeon toes?
Who lost the 1980s Converse sneaker?
And wasn’t “Quiz Roid Pops a Squat” also the title of an early Tom Waits song?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010Ask DB1: Bud Light
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DB1-
Is drinking Bud Light auto-douche?
— Miller
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Not automatically, Miller, although it is crappy beer, and certainly no PBR.
Drinking Bud Light out of Ubiquitous Red Cup, while the Kappa Kappa Woo tri-hotts drink wine out of large plastic goblets, while you “raise the roof” is, however, auto-pud.
Yup. Time to move.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010Slick James
It’s been awhile since we’ve seen a mark of the ‘bag shine on the forehead of a scrote.
The mark of the ‘bag usually appears as a reflective outline of a cock-n-balls on the central forehead area.
However, in Slick James’s case, it’s the rare triple nutsag.
Taylor has quality back arch. And for that, I would gnaw on her bobby socks in the linen closet while she’s away at Church.
And by Church, I mean this place.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010Stackhouse Proves a Point of Moral Self Belief and Honesty
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Just to prove a point of moral self belief and honesty: in reality what I’m doing. Publix cause I just left the gym, I want girls 2 see me. Drinking beers, than shit talking with my boys over dinner, than more booze, than hopefully unprotected sex at 4am, & still getting to work on time tomorrow
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Workin’ hard for those votes, aren’t you, Stack.
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Powers of Sideboob
Sideboob is not just an observable phenomena in the wild.
Sideboob is also a Zen philosophy. An artform.
Sideboob powers industry in most of the subcontinent.
Sideboob makes you pancakes for breakfast and sings falsetto Disney songs on Tuesdays.
Sideboob cures eczema and flavors soup.
Sideboob thanks you for stopping by, gives you a neck rub, and wishes you a happy New Year even if it’s July.
Appreciate the sideboob.
Even if Ramone does not.
Monday, February 1, 2010Miceman at 17 Degrees
Pam and Nicole knew better then to resist the Miceman. For his hat tilt was no longer at 10 degree.
It was now at 17 degrees.
And you know what that means.
It means he bad.
Monday, February 1, 2010Lumpy Voted
2009’s Creepy Ed Hardy Hat Tiltin’ douche, Lumpy, wanted to stop by with a gum snapping Persian Hott, Maxine, and vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
After voting, Lumpy’s chin pubes attempted viral infection, while Maxine shows her quality curves.
No more Stephanie, eh Lumpy?
Monday, February 1, 2010HCwDB of the Month
The Monthly. The first of our 2010 hottie/douchey couplings to qualify for the Yearly happens today.
Booya. The DB1 is back from Vegas and ready to roll. Bring it.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Gonzi the Terrorist Ed Hardy Douche Muppet and Mandy
Gonzi.
His stare will eat your soul.
Even now he has your darling Linda’s soul, as she suffers in torment…
Workshed!
With a three pic run of creepy stare, pics #2 and #3 confirmed Gonzi’s quality Ed Hardpocalypse and hottsapeal.
Mandy’s shoulder asks me to graze lightly.
And I would.
Because I owe it to her to give her toesies a light massage with tea tree oil, and then fall asleep in her car.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Pablows Bigbozo, aka The Hambagler, and Art School Tina
And Pic #2 confirmed P.B. as a true Art Bag.
Probably a little too bizarre to win a Monthly, but Bigbozo certainly brings the HCwDB Art concept along with his punch-worthy kissy lips and chin fung.
Art School Tina is perfect pearly white rich upper east side waspy naughty girl Catholics Start Much Too Late goodness.
Yeah, this dude probably doesn’t have a serious shot given the competition.
But I’m curious if he’ll get any votes, as Art School Tina is quality hott.
Anyone?
Yeah.
Okay, now I’m just rambling.
Nice pleather
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Supermang and Lois
Look!!
Up in the Sky vodka!!
It’s a turd!!
It’s a lame!!
It’s… Supermang!!
The ‘Mang is all that is Southern Douche, and we should not forget the “69” hat is uber-mock. Pic #2 and his disguise as Creepy Uncle Adrian, only further added to this tiny tot legend.
Now lets talk Lois.
A belly that calls for “pooch” noises.
A face that makes unemployed Asian cooks weep for the homeland they left as a child.
And boobies that are… well… large. I would touch them.
And then I would touch them.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Stackhouse the Poet
Our first breakout doucherstar of 2010, the Stack is so toxic and annoying, a stacklash has developed, with many regs sick of his punch-worthy ‘tude.
Yet the run of poetry cannot be denied: Poetic douche-verse, 2, 3, 4, poultry 1, more poultry, The Church of Poultry, and hating Philadelphia.
Pussy Crushin’ and Donating his dick to charity.
There’s poems like WTF, he’s tryin’ to do tri’s or just Get Some.
But there are those who are sick of the ‘Stack and his whobag jumpoffs. Is his creepy douchitude and lovely assorted ladies enough to warrant a Monthly win and entry in the yearly?
Which of these four couplings is truly rank enough to go to the next level?
You may use any factor you like. Multiple pics. Poetry. Or just the initial visceral response.
Now I need your help. Pick which coupling deserves “HCwDB of the Month” and vote, as always, in the comments thread.
