Boobies
-
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Soxnard
Meh, I’m deleting Fester on account of too much potential gaybaggery and moving us on to Soxnard.
Soxnard’s lumpiness hitting on the quality purity of Shots Girl Sue reminds me.
Did I remember to grease the alpacas in time for their ritual scrotum shearing?
It’s a vague association. More thematic than literal. Because scrotum shearing alpacas is not gay. It’s theraputic.
Thursday, September 16, 2010Wet Vac America
Oh, just turned 18 Tracy.
Your tie-died Fratboy Phish-listening 80s sunglasses wearing clownfriends who just took a Bayer aspirin with an “X” crudely cut into it that someone wearing wings sold to them for $22 dollars by the water station are shwicky douchepud.
Your firm, petite melonic melonball firmness deserves to be groped by better hands.
You are clearly stage-2 or even a stage-3 Bleeth, and there isn’t much time to spare. I will read you Balzac and then ask to dust your ankles with a feather duster.
Saturday, September 11, 2010Your Saturday Lipstick Tatt Douche and Perfect Hott Body
Somewhere, off in the distance, beyond the flatlands of Vegas where the mountains curve into the infinite, an ancient coyote howls. And a lone lizard takes a crap.
Joe Flannel and Francesca
Joe Flannel knows that Jesus died for Mayan tribal pec tatts.
Francesca knows that her revelation of The Holy Cleavite means free Cosmos.
Friday, September 3, 2010Black Bikini Heals All
After that Meanclown Sandwich in the Haiku, we need a little bikini hott with some relatively innocuous pudsters to cool us down.
Rayven in the middle cures lupus and gangrene with boobie suckle thigh power. Hers are the shoulders of ubergnaw.
Her younger sister, Kelly, ain’t so bad neither. Text me after midterms, Kelly. There’s a ragin’ kegger. Somewhere I’m sure. I just don’t know about it. Because I’ve been out of college for well over a decade now.
A special hearty handshake from the collective unconscious goes out to the inventor of tiny jean shorts unbuttoned to reveal bikini bottom.
Lets us all bow our heads and give thanks to Adonai, Gaia, Lilith, and JSUBBR (Jean Shorts Unbutton Bikini Bottom Reveal).
Thursday, September 2, 2010The Utersladder
One of the vilest form of clubchoads is the “Utersladder.” In Flemish, Utersladder means “to languidly rub one’s genitals on a vonklumpenspiel.”
A vonklumenspiel, as any scholar of Gaelic antiquity surely knows, is a small, wooden rabbit or possum penis.
Because rabbits and possums can be very insecure after breeding season, and vonkumpenspiels help them compensate during the rainy season.
Okay, I get a coffee now.
And boobies.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010Who Cares About Groin Shave Reveal Greg?
Is Greg a douche? Do we care?
Lets talk Kimberly.
Boobs.
Gazangas.
Tatines.
Flesh trampolines of feverish honeysuckle ivory rub water slide funhouse gnaw chomp lampchop grabby fondle.
Perky hellos of anthropomorphized wonderland bosom mounds of jumpy leprechaun rainbow nugat bite.
Artie Lange in the background may not be impressed. But we are.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009Anthrax Chin
Because when you’ve got a superhott like Bree in your arms, not even Anthrax Chin and Affliction shirts can distract from the moment.
Fraiku – Doc Bunsen Commemorative Edition
Pumps Stackley flexes;
No matter how taut his guns,
Faux Boobs are tighter…
The Bleeth stirs my loins
Whilst he does his best to quell
My renoB. She wins
Lelani’s smile makes
Sugarcanes grow in the sun
Aloha boobies
I knew Doc Bunsen.
You Pumps, are no Doc Bunsen.
R.I.P. Doc, Son.
Whatever happened
To Doctor Bunsen, I don’t know.
He was a Statesman
Doc B 6:40 FTW.
RIP man. You were one of the good ones.
***Dammit Rev, you inbred Yankee, I said “Commemorative Edition”, not “memorial”…Doc is still alive and well. Probably. -D.S.***
Hang on fellas. This
one’s commemorative NOT
memorial ‘ku.
Chet already knows
the drill. Punches self in head.
Beats bouncers to it.
Lelani’s smile
makes ISIS do charity,
volunteerism.
“Suns out, guns out bros!”
“Two in the pink, one in stink!”
“Wanna circle jerk?”
Only a good guy
With a gun can stop this douche
With his guns out. Son.
