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Monday, January 31, 2005
Captain Odorous
YARRR! Avast ye slobs…say oi to Captain Odorous and his First Mate, Candi Sugars.
And by first mate I mean the first female that has ever allowed him to mate with her.
I’d swab her poop-decks…
Saturday, January 29, 2005DAMN YOU, KING ALCOHOL!
O yes.
We’ve all been there. Countless Jack n’ Cokes…then…you spot her. The flaxen-haired fair goddess that meets your gaze.
You exchanges glances. Dances. She accompanies you home to your mother’s basement (It’s only temporary, Doll; c’mon down and check it out…)
Then you wake up to THIS.
Share your tawdry tales, as e’er, in the comments section. And prepare to squint your mind’s eye.
O…The horror…
Friday, January 28, 2005Your Weekend Movie
Alert reader Charles Douchewin shared this latest marketing effort to create artificial demand for the latest artificially over-priced adouchrement. Watch and see if you can spot what it is.
Hint: “Chest Lettuce”.
Truly appalling.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Friday Thoughts and Links
Shirts and other various upper-torso type garments are for losers. That’s the message Slugs Grifty here is rockin’. Deal with it.
Zucchini – The Other White Meat…?
“Draw me like one of your French Zucchinis…”
What America’s ugliest transgender person is into.
Speaking of healthy organic consumables…Pear:
Why Would You Stand In A Window With Yo Pants Down Like That But Im Okay Carry On Young Lady Pear
Yes I had to look twice to make sure that was a thumb Pear
I’ll bet $20 you are physically unable to do a keg stand Pear
I’ll Be In My Bunk Which Is A Metaphor For Masturbating Pear
Please Allow Me To Pack Your BackPack Pear
*sigh*
Wednesday, January 26, 2005Friday Haiku
Yogurt Yodelling!
Todd’s macking inspires these chick’s
Technicolor Yawns!
No more tequila
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Which vision is worse?
Vomit comet or Todd’s tongue?
Revulsion follows!
— Ed Hardy Har Har
Trixie is confused
Told Todd that she is a squirter
Squirted on his hat
— dickie fingers
In ‘N Out burger
Ordered with no grilled onions
Now we all must pay
— Vin Douchal
brocoli spasm
causes cindy to erupt
showing her contempt
— creature
Whilst slack-jawed Douchebag
Macks on sultry Bleeth, Trixie
Become bulemic
–DoucheyWallnuts
Wednesday, January 26, 2005test
If you could deliver a baghunter smackdown to this moron in front of Bulbous Boob’d Barbara, but could ONLY use seven (7) words o’ the King’s English…what would you utter unto him?
Natasha and Viktor are disappointed
Not everyone is happy that the Hot Chicks with Douchebags mocking of all things baggish persists…
Monday, January 24, 2005Dispatches from the world of D. Wallnuts – Joe D’s Schvantz
bat’s a swingin’
Legendary BagMeister Douchey Wallnuts reminisces on ol’ Joltin’ Joe for us:
“Joe DiMaggio’s Schvantz.”
How’s that for a sayin’? But that’s what the crew used to say when something weird or unexpected would happen. Why’s that you say? Well lemme tell ya.
Back sometimes in the late 50’s we got to be friendly, through Hef, with LeRoy Neiman – that artist who painted those pictures that up close all look like splotches of color thrown together but look like what they are supposed to look like when you stand back a bit – Na mean?
He painted all kinds a things, but loved broads and athletes the most. LeRoy had a collection a all kinds of photos ‘a athletes, and tole us he wanted to show us some a them, and one a these pictures was a picture of DiMaggio in the shower with one a his Yankee teammates, effin’ naked, cockk and all, and his Gabiles, too. Gabiles, I says.
Needless to say we was all like, “What the fvck is that all about!” We ain’t never seen a picture like that, not never, and the last thing we expected to see that day was a picture of Joltin’ Joe’s Joint. Joltin’Joe’s Joint, I says.
So from that day on, anytime we was surprised by somethin’ or saw somethin’ fvcked up, one ‘a the guys would say, “Joe D’s schvantz!“
Sunday, January 23, 2005Bunny Luv and FluffTurd are pleased to announce that this Douche Star is fully armed and operational.
DarkSock here; so starting next week I’ll start posting often, perhaps once a day. I got a treasure trove from Alert Reader and Legendary BagHunter Doc Bunsen of primo bag/hott co-mingling and the website is back in black without the math quiz (27) so stay tuned.
Also, I love Bunny Luv. And her Bunny Booty.
Saturday, January 22, 2005Friday Thoughts n’ Links n’ Underboob ‘n Such
DarkSock here with the Naked Truth. And for heralding that truth I’ve received a certain amount of well-deserved celebrity. Because this Jersey Jihad is our collective dream. We know what we stand for. The day Jay Louis (if that is his real name) lost a woo-hott to some greasy trust-fund troglodyte the gauntlet was thrown; shit got real. This site reached unimaginable peaks, and though the salad days have passed, we’re still holding it together here.
Oh, we have accomplished historic things. We have defined and attacked Nastiness and ugliness. Sometimes what you must witness is hard to grasp. We will cope by any means necessary. We reflect and struggle and render our judgments in solitude. Although probably not like Reverend Chad.
Yet we’re hardly scratched the surface of the virgin territory of What. Is. Douche.
Speaking of “virgin territory”, here’s why you slavering beasts keep clicking these links, like lab vermin waiting for them sweet sweet pellets o’ female topography:
